Friday, December 5, 2008

Platypus: the ultimate buzz-kill


What. The. Fuck. I don't even know what to say, Platypus. YOU MAKE NO SENSE. You're like some kind of anti-drug message, designed to make high people totally freak the fuck out. You are so weird, Platypus, that they don't even have a universally agreed-upon word for the plural form of you. That's because if you see two of these animals(?) together, the fabric of space and time will literally tear apart. Remind me to never close my eyes again, Platypus, you duck-billed asshole.

33 comments:

rob said...

I don't trust any fucking monotremes half as far as I can throw them.

jvdiesel said...

Rob, You just made my day.

Phrozen said...

All I got to say is..... hahahahah!

LewMills said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
scott said...

I can throw an echinda pretty far... you should try it.

charm616 said...

WHO are you? Are you the funniest person ever? Holy shit I laughed myself silly reading this blog. DO you have a real job? QUIT IT NOW! DO this all day, every day, please please please.

Zoya said...

This is amazing. Any time you can say "the fabric of space and time will tear apart", especially when referencing a Platypus, you are a genius. Im officially obsessed.

CRD said...

The funny thing is, I say "platypus you duckbilled asshole" ALL THE TIME.

Bo L said...

you are one of my new heroes.

Also, please make sure you don't let those "Marley & Me" posters get away with their exploitation of a cute puppy as a marketing gimmick.

kathrynt said...

They have ten sex chromosomes.

That shit just ain't right.

elphillipo said...

if i was dying of dehaydration in the middle of a desert, and a platypus waddled up an offered me and ice cold sprite, I would thow it is his god forsaken bill and die happy.

gp said...

Everyone knows the plural of platypus is obviously platypussies

Nikoletta said...

Why all this aggression against the platypus? Here are three reasons to LOVE the platypus:
1. They have poisonous spurs on their feet. That is bad-ass.
2. The females lay eggs. We have to buy them at Good Vibrations.
3. They are mammals yet have a fucking bill for a shnozzle!

Don't get me wrong, I love your blog and think you are a new kind of genius. All I'm saying is... respect the platypus, fuck the camel.

Aaron Stiner said...

But, but, he's so cute!

ilovea said...

I learned it by watching you, Platypus

Pete said...

Imagine the love triangle of the Platypus and the Wombat on a date in LemmingTown...

Pataua Pete said...

I tried to Plait a Puss once, took me all after fucking noon

Emch said...

That looks like a rabbit with a duck bill photoshopped on his face.

nobleplatypus said...

I can rip the fabric of spacetime! It's easy!

http://fatfinch.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/puggle.gif

Yeah, that's right. The babies are called PUGGLES. Overkill, if you ask me.

lish said...

I agree with Nikoletta. Have you seen Perry the platypus??? He's so suave he makes James Bond look like a tool. Check out "Phineas and Ferb" on Disney. It's actually read good. And Perry kicks ass. Platypussies don't do much.

And he wears a hat.

Crowscious said...

Aw man this is soooooooooo funny, best one yet. I love this shit.

platypusrex256 said...

but you gotta love me! =(

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Noodley said...

Wooo. Oh. Man. Can't hardly breathe still. I trembled violently, wheezed like an old man and wept a little reading that one.
Thanks. It's invigorating.

Sincerely Yours said...

Photoshopped. Every picture of a platypus you've ever seen is a photoshopped picture of a beaver. Platypi don't exist.

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