Sunday, December 14, 2008

Swans are nature's Porsche drivers


You know, there was once an ugly duckling who got picked on all of the time by the other ducks, who couldn't understand why the duckling was so ugly. But then it turned out that duckling wasn't really a duck at all, but was in fact a TOTAL FUCKING DICK.

Take this world-class douche, for example. Everyone is just hanging out, having a good time, and Mr. "My wingspan is bigger than yours" decides to unload on the scene. Even his swan friend is embarrassed. He probably does it all the fucking time because let's be honest: that's just what swans do. Me personally, I wouldn't be caught dead with a fucking swan.

29 comments:

Tracy Lynn said...

That is BRILLIANT. Fucking BRILLIANT.

Erika Jean said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jenny, the Bloggess said...

I've fucking had it with swans.

SlapsBrats said...

Total Porsche drivers. They probably have special swimming gloves that they wear and will cut you off in the middle of a lake for no reason.

Rhea said...

Hey, if I had a wingspan like that, I'd show it off too...

KidWiruz said...

Dude, they totally suck dick!

trickrodd said...

We should try to promote the regular consumption of swan. I like animals that fill my stomach.

charm616 said...

In my youth I was friends with a swan. I cringe to think of it now. But I was young and drunk.

cassaundra said...

i just found your blog yesterday and i fucking love it.

seriously, this is genius.

fuck swans.

Audie said...

I think...I love you! No, I do, I DO LOVE YOU!!!

Gabz A Lot said...

Dude, you're fucking amazing! My friend just showed me this blog like 2 days ago and I'm already hooked.

And fuck swans and everything they stand for!

marleyinoc said...

yeah, i feel ya on the swan thing. i question their motives too.

katrocket said...

Swans can bite me.

Your blog is fucking awesome.

leda said...

I hate to admit it but swans can realy bring it when you want to get laid.

scott said...

"Honey", and "Mustard"... You must be kidding you mustachioed Prick. Those two flavors do not even belong on the SAME SALAD! Catch me with some Worchestershire and some A1, you bodyless Punk, and we will see who has the biggest bottle. Dont make me get Heinz into this... If Kikkoman shows up, please tell that terrifying 300 year old ninja sauce that I have absolutely no beef with him. None. But the Honey-mustard thing.. ohh. it is on and its deadly.

Wardin said...

RightOnn!

Was I the only one who read the last line as "Me personally, I wouldn't be caught dead fucking with a swan."

Sarah Booz said...

swans are pure fucking evil. I have seen them attack children and small dogs. Stay the fuck out of their way.

Deedle said...

Most of the problems in our world today can be traced back to swans.
High gas prices, unemployment, global warming, you name it. Bastards.

tea_please said...

love...you
hate...swans

OBloodyHell said...

Ah, foo. You folks just don't Get It.

Swans may be Porsche Drivers, but Geese are the Cadillac drivers, and, as Niven and Pournelle state in Inferno, "Cadillacs belong in Hell".

I will take a pair of Swans over a flock of @%#$%#%$^$%& Geese any day, and the Geese are one hell of a lot uglier.

> Dude, they totally suck dick!

Yeah, I wanna see you try and stick your dick into a swan's mouth....

Can I videotape it? I am certain I will be able to take credit for crashing YouTube.

:oD

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