Friday, January 16, 2009

Iguanas are living in the past


Not to be a dick or anything, Iguana, but you're not a fucking dinosaur. I know you roam around showing off your scaly skin, beady little eyes, and your nose holes. And yes, I've seen your tongue. But let me ask you a few questions. Can I ride you? Do you have answering machine messages from Steven Spielberg? WERE YOU ON MY SHOES WHEN I WAS EIGHT???

So don't waddle or slither or whatever you do over here and pretend that you rule the earth. WELCOME TO THE QUATERNARY PERIOD, IGUANA.

52 comments:

David Dust said...

Fucking Iguana-be.

Dunesdreamer said...

I remember being in Tijuana, eating barbecued iguana...or was that just in a song?

ozarktroutbum said...

He's just pissed cause he got passed over for the stupid Geico commercials because he has a latin accent and they went with something more "exotic."

Who ever heard of a lizard with a cockney accent anyway? That gecco is a fucking poser if I ever saw one.

NFulton said...

those meteors fucked up by forgetting these little bastards.

shootme. said...

I love you.

Holy Cuteness said...

Cute Iguana.... you are a real survivor...

Galatea said...

I had an iguana when I was a kid.
Smug bastard.
But I did name him Goliath, so I accept partial responsibility for his horrible attitude.

Jezebel said...

Goddammit! That Iguana is such a fucking poser. I just want to smack him across that smug ass face. He's realy pissing me off!

luke said...

This is the best ever. And by "best ever", I mean "eat a big of dicks, Iguana".

Danielle said...

Everyone knows you arent a real dinosaur unless there is a chicken nugget in the shape of you. Do you have a chicken nugget iguana? I thought not.

James Woe said...

iguanas are notoriuosly sentimental, living in the past...always threatening with 'my grandpa could have fucked you up- he was a dinosaur" and Im all like
"keep talking iguana, cause this stick i am sharpening is going right up your tight non-dinosaur asshole"
and hes all like "bullshit" until his green ass is dead on a hoagie roll with horseradish, mayo, and onion.

Kat G said...

We had one as a "pet" once. That fucker was mean. We had to turn the air conditioning on full blast to freeze him down just to clean his shit up.

Then, when he warmed up, the bastard would make cute chompy mouth while eating squash .. then attack your face.

Cindy said...

Look at the cocky expression in its face!

Laura said...

The freaks can even swim. Either be a dinosaur or a fish. You can't be both.

Heather said...

"IGUANA-BE" HILARIOUS

Nicole oh-so Lovely said...

they also make bad pets....

you have to keep half of the tank in the shade the other in the sun....or your golden retriever could just eat yours like mine did....

Sincerely,
www.yourbabyisanasshole.com

Don't call me Kat said...

Don't insult your elders, Penguin.

librarychick said...

Are those brown things in the backround discarded tail? That is just plain unsanitary.

geekbride said...

Iguanas are such assholes. Fuck them!

Jeff Wilk said...

I should pull off your tail and beat you upside the head with it, you has-been.

hirakendu said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
melouise said...

I saw my first iguana on a golf course in Puerto Rico- huge fucker was 6 freakin' feet long! And took his damned sweet time walking across the fairway.

They were everywhere- those and pelicans and these weird little freaking gekko things.

susan said...

voldemort does iguana better than an iguana.

Jayson Awesome said...

I want som e Iguana boots.

It's All Good said...

My schools mascot is the owl, but in my 3 years here I have only seen one owl and like 8374678 iguanas

Misha said...

Someone get that iguana some Nivea.

jasolater said...

Iguanas just plain suck!!

kingstreetfarm said...

Yeah, WTF ARE those brown things?? Ew.


ps Heather if you are reading this, my word verification is fance, as in short for fancy.

James B. Martini said...

Fo'real, iguanas are pure attitude. Have you ever seen one looking happy to see you? No. They've always got that condescending holier-than-thou bearing, as if *you're* the cunt that eats live crickets. Fuck'em. And hey Iggy, get a hard consonant or two in your name if you ever want to be taken seriously. What a wanker.

(And if you make me double post this then really, please, feel free to immediately fuck off.)

spy_j said...

If I were you iguana, I would do the world a favor and just give up. You've tried so hard for so long, but it's never going to happen. Face it iguana, you're a fat fucking failure! Now just die already, sheesh...

nobody's starling said...

The brown things in the background are tails that have been hacked off. This iguana is probably going to slaughter.

Mame said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
fred davis said...

Stupid fuckwads. I wish they would take their heated rocks and lettuce and just go the hell away. And what's up with that stinky hippie you're always with at the beach? Take that fucker with you too.

Maggie Monroe said...

i'm straight up LOLing all over this shit.

Our Pack said...

I love Iguanas!

greenjoker13 said...

This is only hear-say, but I HAVE HEARD, that in Mexico, these bastards lay in the middle of the road, basking in the sun, and it is actually ILLEGAL for you to move them out of the way. You have to wait for the iguana to make up its mind to slither-crawl out of the road. This could be part of the reason for the smug little look on this bastard's face. Spring break this year, I am going to Mexico. Not to drink, or party, or go to the beach. I'm going to get the biggest vehicle I can find and just start squashing iguanas. Who's going to be smug then, iguana? Not you. You're going to be road pizza.

hirakendu said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mike said...

i suggest you write something about quokka's they are little rat like critters that are for some reason adorable, they live on one island in australia live off humans kindness for all things cute and hump like bunnies. Ample reasons to hate them.

ummmmheyyyy said...

quaternary period. . i just learned something new

Schwarz Adi said...

Hold
The
Fucking
Phone FUP.

Penguins, awesome, pandas, absolutely. But Iguanas?

This is low, no one cuddles Iguanas, they just sit in tiny cages of pot heads as a conversation piece. Give them a break!

I am going to cuddle an iguana extra lovingly just to spite you.

That'll show ya.

Julian Meteor said...

I got bitten by an iguana when I was 15.
In Plymouth.
I would write mre, but I've got to go. I've got a dat

RandyG said...

Fucking Iguana is probably a Arizona Cardinal fan.

Steeler Sunday 2009

mp3 http://www.soulpittsburgh.com/Steeler_Sunday_2009.mp3

YouTube

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7dn9fujJX0

http://www.soulpittsburgh.com

Tara Rabeumdeay said...

Damn thing doesn't even have FUR. Or feathers. There's nothing soft or remotely warm about a goddamn iguana.

Not even Tennessee Williams would like this iguana.

That iguana is a bastard. You can just tell.

kilgore said...

hey fup, don't you usually take shots at ridiculously cute assholes? this asshole is not cute. i'd like to see what he has to say to an alligator.

JD said...

iguana-be FTW

Tia said...

The Steven speilberg thing is fcking hilarious.

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