Thursday, January 22, 2009

Self-Satisfied Lambs


Lamb, you think you're so fucking great because your head is a different color than your body. Just being born in a barn doesn't make you the second coming of Jesus. IT'S JUST THE SUN, LAMB, ANYONE CAN LAY IN IT. What makes you so special? Fucking NOTHING, that's what, Lamb. All you do is prance around, eat grass, and then grow up to get ordered around by dogs. DOGS, LAMB.

ARGH! This picture almost turned me into the Hulk. My shirt actually ripped off. I also smashed my stapler, but that was unrelated. It also wasn't actually my stapler, I was borrowing it.

57 comments:

NFulton said...

Fucking lamb. You are delicious and your sweaters are itchy.

Trish said...

I had been wondering what to have for dinner tonight.
Thanks FUP, the Aardvark wasn't hitting the spot....

David Dust said...

I've got news for you, Lamb. Just because they let you gallop around the barnyard and drink as much milk as you want, it doesn't mean you're special.

It means you are destined to be Monday's Lamb Chops special at Larry's Lamb-O-Rama Restaurant on Main Street.

Until then, fucking Lamb, keep yourself nice and tender.

Tim McNutt said...

You piece of shit. Watching you lay there like that makes me want to slit your throat and pour your blood on my Frosted Flakes. Just because you were in that movie "Lions for Lambs" you think you are special? That wasn't you, it was Meryl Streep? Well fuck her too!

skwilli said...

A red Swingline, I hope!

furiousBall said...

as Montel Jordan once pontificated, this is how we do it.

goeastyoungwomantodubai said...

Frolicking little poonce!

How do you spell poonce?

I bet that fucking lamb can't even spell his OWN NAME.

Tara Rabeumdeay said...

I knew a lamb once that was rejected by it's own mother. Thought it was a dog, fer chris-sake. Tried to sit in my lap once, so I just let it. And it was so cute and warm and fuzzy that I had to go home and take a double dose of anti-depressants and shower in lysol.

God, thanks for that horrible memory, fuck you penguin.

Bridget said...

I was chased and attacked by a pack of lambs once. Well, I guess I wasn't really chased since I jumped in their pen. But they bit the shit out of me. Okay maybe they were just licking and sometimes nibbling. But it tickled, man. It tickled bad.

gibsongirl said...

Lame lamb. I'm scratching at my eyes to keep from falling into your web of cuddliness.

Jezebel said...

I fucking hate lambs. This lamb in particular is really pissing me off! I want to throttle it! Argh!

MelodyS said...

"IT'S JUST THE SUN, LAMB, ANYONE CAN LAY IN IT."
Brilliant!

Holy Cuteness said...

What a fucking gorgeous lamb that is!

Wee Laura said...

Have I told you lately that I love you, FU Penguin? I love you.

Will said...

One word for that lamb: Chop!

Chop chop chop!

Hmmm. Lambchop.

Allgaul said...

Damnit,FU,P! Why did you go and break my stapler?
I hate staplers as much as I hate lambs. They are just worthless pieces of sheeeeeeet that jam up and break and use up staples and grab your finger and make it stay there so you have to staple your own finger. Hate 'em, I tell ya.
So keep the rotten piece of sheeeeeeet now you broke it. It probably deserved it.
Sheeeeeeeet, now how am I going to desecrate a picture of a lamb without a stapler to put staples in the tender spots and hope it is a form of lamb voodoo to stop the cuddly cuteness?
Thanks, FU, P, just THANKS!

Dunesdreamer said...

Is it just me, or does that little silent lamb have a Hannibal Lechter-esque smile on its face?

Oh, it's just me? Nevermind.

James Woe said...

i gotta feeling that just after this pathetic picture was taken, Drunk Joseph, the farmhand with herpes, found his way this little lambhole's stall and made love to anything moving. Better lay still lamb, better lay still.

Georgia said...

Besides chops, loins, and legs; the only other purpose I see for lambs are annoying additions to nativity sets and manger scenes. baa to you too, Lamb.

darling-caro said...

i'm pretty sure this blog can cure cancer.

okramsey said...

My mother got attacked by her own pet lamb when she was 7. Knocked her out cold. I've taught my kids how to do a pretty good lamb sound. Now when we go visit Grandma they have a blast sneaking up behind her, bleating, and watching her urinate on herself or faint. (Sometimes they are able to get both reactions.) Then Grandpa gives them a quarter. Good times.

G double dash LOC said...

Hey Lamb, I have been to New Zealand, I have run over you with my car, I know that when your tortured you make the best wool possible, but guess what? I still dont give a fuck.

Nicole oh-so Lovely said...

It's trying to win the farm animal cuteness battle with the pocket pig......

yes...a pocket pig

you can keep them in your pocket and feed them M&M's.

Love,
www.yourbabyisanasshole.com

melouise said...

Two words, you fucking lamb:

MINT JELLY.

G double dash LOC said...

And lamb, when you grow up and your not so cute anymore, your mutton. And then you know what they do to you? Its not all this fun and games and laying around shit. You get a pre-adolescent child thrown on you, and you have to try and run and buck him off while he/she furiously rips out your pretty coat. I'll tell you that I have had my fair share of "muttin bustin" and I proud of it. See you at the county fair bitch.

5 Doors Up said...

Look at that little bastard smiling... As if it even had lips...

Meeg said...

Lazy little lamb! Lying there basking in the sun is not going to help get our economy back on its feet!

Julian Meteor said...

ROFL at that Lamb!!!!!!!!!!!!
Loser Lamb!!!!!!!!!! lmao

Jenna said...

OK, lamb, all I can say is watch your fuzzy little back. Oh, and just for the record, I love this blog! This is my first post...I discovered this place when I was supposed to be voting for Cute Overload in the contest...but unfortunately, after reading this blog I changed my vote. Don't tell them though.

GrumpyOldTwat said...

I hate the frolicking little fuckers.

I particularly dislike this freckly faced little fucker.

So much so, that I wouldn't even wipe my big hairy arse on it.

Joe said...

You what pisses me off about those barnyard bastards? Not so much their presumptuous postures nor their arrogant austere acts, no its the fucking spelling of their name. LAMB. You couldn't leave it at L-A-M and make everyone first grader happy?! You had to add that silent "B" just to set your self aside from the phonetically correct creatures of the farm? You are the bane of the English language!

Jeff said...

You are about to get a rude awakening by that older lamb sniffing your ass. I don't really care though... fuck you lamb.

Zoe said...

James Woe--what's wrong with you dude? Why does it always have to turn sexual for the poor innocent lambs?? What? They're not that innocent? Oh, the horrors and the Britney Spears. Fuck you lamb. You made me speak the name of the beast. Just fuck you.

look4sdr said...

This lamb is kinda close to making me as sick as this Lamb does. But the lamb on my link takes the cake.

http://objectiveministries.org/kidz/

vongosux said...

The animals, the animals!

Let's talk dirty to the animals!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SVmQMPaLMQ

Christopher said...

lambs are pretty lame actually.

Al said...

what kind of sick fuck wears a woolen sweater? oh right. a lamb.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1125562/Fit-baa-The-newborn-lamb-needs-extra-woolly-layer-cope-cold.html

nice way to be redundant, Lamb.

yarravillewahine said...

Mmmmmm, lamb .......

yarravillewahine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dz.dz said...

Won't anybody think of the poor stapler?
I think the real crime here is that pathetic excuse for a goat hogging the spotlight (just like goats trying to take over cheese. f.u goat, it's a cow's world) and the poor innocent stapler was just an innocent bystander in all of this getting smashed! and for what? so a lamb could lay in the sun doing sht-all all day!?

Face it, the only good type of lamb is L.A.M.B and that's not even an animal, it's an acronym for purses and clothes for rich white girls.

Signed,
Closeted Gwen Stefani would-be lesbian lover.

Nysalia said...

LMFAOOOOO. AH MY STOMACH HURTS!!

Fortune said...

this is one lamb that needs to be silenced.

Daniel said...

Aww arn't you so cute. Now how about paying me a visit for dinner. I know just what we could have, but I want it to be a surprise for you. Wouldn't it be nice to have a good red wine, perhaps a Shiraz or Zinfandel?

Mike said...

Ha! Not my stapler--love it!

Technogeekboy said...

Now if he lied down on Broadway, that would be something.

Cillian said...

Amazing, witty blog. Great idea! Thanks for visiting Male Mode.

/Male Mode.

Kristine said...

You owe me a stapler, asshole.

kilgore said...

lamb, my dog lays in that same sun. and she would totally eat you.

AL- that link is just wrong. wrong. wrong.

Corinna said...

what the lamb doesn't know is that it won't in fact grow up at all... it will be eaten by Greek people.

bitter said...

yea, lamb.....hotdamn

Mad Gypsy said...

Have you seen my stapler?

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