Monday, January 19, 2009

T-Shirts Are Here. Commence Pant Shitting.


I know many of you have been waiting for this week for a very long time, but perhaps you didn't know why. Well, your suspicions were correct: this week THE GREATEST MOMENT IN AMERICAN HISTORY IS HAPPENING.

That's right: Fuck You, Penguin T-Shirts have arrived. (I believe there is also a new episode of Biggest Loser: Couples on tomorrow!!!)

Yes, because I hate ads, but love meth, I came up with the most original way to get your money ever!!! (I also sell X-Box 360s on Craig's List.) Show your devotion to the cause by displaying the super-cool Fuck You, Penguin logo designed by secret graphic-design god Dan Lopez all over town. YOU WILL BE THE HOTTEST BITCH ON THE BLOCK!!! T-shirts have been around for practically thousands of years, so there is no way these will ever go out of style.

Thrill to the straight-up logo shirt:

Fupenguin

Marvel at the ladies version of the shirt:
Fupenguin
Totally fucking go batshit insane for the censored but still paradigm-shifting hoodie:
Fupenguin
Warning: THESE SHIRTS WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE! Also, do not wear pants with these shirts, because you will end up having to take them off anyway as soon as your biggest crush sees you in one!

Just read these testimonials from actual made-up people:
businessman"Thank God I don't have to murder everyone in my office and I can just buy this shirt to make up for the fact that I hate my job!" -businessman, 35

"Holy shit, Mom, is that a Fuck You, Penguin shirt? When did you get to be so cool? Just for that, I won't steal money out of your purse in fifteen years." -baby, 6mo.

"Could you get me one of those? If so, you can come back for a second interview. How's tomorrow at 2?" -important person, 56

"Hey, where did everyone go? I'm being cute! Goddammit, I bet it's those damn shirts again." -penguin, 3


Make sure to get your shirt quickly, because these will sell out (not true). Note: 10% of the proceeds from these shirts will be added to 90% of the proceeds from these shirts, which I will then keep.

UPDATE: By popular demand (of three people), you can now get the Fuck You, Penguin store logo on a T-Shirt. I AM HERE FOR YOU.


Fupenguin


More stuff:

Fupenguin

Fupenguin

Fupenguin

Fupenguin

Fupenguin

58 comments:

sus said...

I WANT ONE!

Do you also ship to Germany or do I have to come over?

Nicole oh-so Lovely said...

I will buy 367 of the hoodies and distribute them to various homeless people in the LA county to prove we have way too much money over here and are always trying to prove a point with creativity.

love,
www.yourbabyisanasshole.com

Dr.Salt said...

These might actually be too hardcore for me, yo.

Tee said...

Thank God for these Tee's (no relation). I had no reason to be HOPEFUL tomorrow! (except for that whole new Biggest Loser episode thing)

Matt said...

I had a dream that my four little children would one day live in a nation where they would not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their t-shirts.

Check!

Holy Cuteness said...

Wow, that are some cool shirts/sweaters... I am seriously thinking of buying one.

skwilli said...

I think you should only take 5% of the proceeds and add them to the 95% and then keep.

JeffreygeneHK said...

i want one but i live in hong kong and the stupid site that sells them doesn't list it (or china) as a valid billing address country.

doesn't have india either. so take 1/6 of the world's population, add it to another 1/6, and that's how many people can't give you money.

where's the love for asia? i just want to buy it, i can have it shipped to family in the states if you won't ship overseas. otherwise, 100% of my money will not go to you.

Gina said...

small request lest you should tell me to go fuck myself...

can we get that top logo on a t-shirt, it would be amazing if the penguin were kind of wearing the "fuck, you"

Still Stacy said...

I want!!! But I need a censored t-shirt. I strongly suggest that be an option.

And yes, you can tell me to FOAD for suggesting it.

James Woe said...

until now, i had been running around town with a t-shirt that had "fuck me penguin" written in sharpy on it...never had to take my pants off, ever...but now, with the promise of a real Fuck You Penguin t-shirt, i know my 4 inches of rock hard manpole will receiving endless favors via fashion power. Maybe even gettin some teabag action if i opt for the hoodie.... thank you, for helping me orgasm repeatedly.

Dunesdreamer said...

First Springsteen sells his new album exclusively through Wal-Mart...now FUP is offering "officially licensed" merchandise...What next? Colleges exploiting their student-athletes to pad their coffers? Oh, the humanity!

It's All Good said...

ok James it's not that serious...



cool shit yo, as if this week couldn't get any better!

Jezebel said...

Ooops--I just shit my pants!

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

HOLY FUCK!

I want the hoodie. Do you do international shipping?

Tara Rabeumdeay said...

Ooooh...I want one, but I can't go around wearing "fuck." (Children...not mine, but, well, around. All the time. With jumpy parents.)

But I really want one. Really really. Just that, well, I'd have no where to wear it. Since, well, see above.

Sigh.

Kelly said...

This is seriously the best ad I have ever seen/read. Except for the Durex ads with the condom balloon animals. But how are you going to compete with that?

Kill Tandon aka Castron Dillon aka Roya Roya said...

people in my office are wondering why I have tears in my eyes right now. This shit is just too funny.

betsvc said...

When I try to buy one, it tells me my shopping cart is empty. Has unprecedented demand caused the shopping site to crash?

Jennifer said...

Have you come across the Long eared jerboa, an animal which must be fictional based on the fact that it is too cute to possibly exist in real life.

Maggie Monroe said...

i love you.

Wee Laura said...

In the immortal words of Chazz Michael Michaels, I couldn't love a human baby as much as I love Fuck You, Penguin.

Jenny said...

I almost always only wear shirt-no-pants, but never have I seen it as a prescription. I feel much better now.

Ishmael said...

20 Dollars? I'm buying a sharpie for a buck and drawing my own. Okay, no I'm not - the cachet of owning an original is too strong. Damn you and your hipster cachet, Fuck You, Penguin!

tristan said...

"Yes, because I hate ads, but love meth" GENIUS...

Itsalloso said...

I want one!!!! but i cant have it.... a little bit (more) censored would help!!! why must the word fuck not be allowed at school?!?!?!??

Zoe said...

WHY are you the funniest person ever, WHY I implore you?!

suicidalentrepreneur said...

I think I love you.

Mame said...

Oh great, now the L train is going to look like MARCH OF THE (fucking) PENGUINS. And once that happens, then we'll see the Wall Streeters wearing FUP t-shirts at the gym and then they'll be on the old bats at your mom's book club and then, well, forget it. All I can say is, FUP blog posts better be keeping it real. Because just about nothing makes me laugh harder.

This Idiot
http://idiotdog.blogspot.com

Michael said...

This will finally show those effing penguins and their animal kingdom ilk just who (or is it whom) sits at the top of the food chain. That's right - t-shirt wearers! Make mine an XL, please. I need full range of motion to flip off the beasts.

Estefanita said...

I love you and you should have my babies, like that guy on Oprah.

Athena. said...

Hahaha, you are so brilliant.

Sarah said...

GIMMEE GIMMEE - Sweeney5211

megat said...

Hi!! Your blog are very nice and more info. I hope follow my blog and please click my google ads.

Julian Meteor said...

I WISH I had a job (and therefore some money to buy one of these)

Do you take credit?

Laura said...

OMG T-SHIRTS!! I just shit my pants!

gregoryyy said...

Holy SHIT....get the hell outta my head.And soon.

Well,this will be the best way to show those thought police who we really side with.That would be the Penguin.Take that Cute Overload.

I am on my way to the pawn shop now to dump my bikes,the George Forman grill(with bun warmer) and whatever else I can dig up in my frenzy

Nicole said...

Ok, so this is the first time to your site but my friend Loves penguins and I woud love just to get him this to mess with him! How much are the tshirts???

demon seed said...

I seriously want one, but I can't wear a t-shirt with a swear word on it. Could you make up a t-shirt for wusses like myself? Maybe it could say FU Penguin, or something like that.

Fuck You, Penguin said...

For everyone who needs more polite t-shirts, fear not, other shirts are coming.

However, this is your best shot at a shirt with a penguin on it, at least for the near future. Maybe in a while there will be others. But maybe in a while we will all be dead.

What I'm saying is, live for the moment.

kilgore said...

fuck you fuck you penguin. i really want that hoody but i am b-roke! what do i have to do to get it for free? hmm?

Fuck You, Penguin said...

I am such a hypocrite!!!!

http://www.printfection.com/fupenguin/FU-Penguin-T-Shirt/_p_3494393

Hope you enjoy, and wear with confidence.

Lodo Grdzak said...

So now were gonna start with the penguin-bashing again!

craftYARD said...

fuckin' "The store where I SELL cute animals' what's what." HA.

i am unemployed, going on 6 months and i WILL BUY ONE OF THESE SHIRTS!!! i probably wouldn't have had time to find you if i had a job. thank god for being terminated! you are so funny. like really funny. i laugh so hard. i love you.

Jeremy said...

I could totally go for that top log on a hoodie. I've got too many tees, and it's cooold now :(

Éan bladhma said...

Can you make them available in other colors?

Rxy said...

I <3 the tote!!! totally getting it!!!
U rock!

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

You are seriously hilarious! Seriously.

corncob01 said...

where's the thong? i want a thong

lizziebelle said...

YES to the dog wearing the I AM PART OF THE PROBLEM tshirt. genius

Paul Sundling said...

I would never wear a shirt that disses the linux mascot!

Bookhouse said...

This will totally blow your mind.

http://www.act-i-vate.com/58.comic

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