Monday, January 19, 2009
T-Shirts Are Here. Commence Pant Shitting.
I know many of you have been waiting for this week for a very long time, but perhaps you didn't know why. Well, your suspicions were correct: this week THE GREATEST MOMENT IN AMERICAN HISTORY IS HAPPENING.
That's right: Fuck You, Penguin T-Shirts have arrived. (I believe there is also a new episode of Biggest Loser: Couples on tomorrow!!!)
Yes, because I hate ads, but love meth, I came up with the most original way to get your money ever!!! (I also sell X-Box 360s on Craig's List.) Show your devotion to the cause by displaying the super-cool Fuck You, Penguin logo designed by secret graphic-design god Dan Lopez all over town. YOU WILL BE THE HOTTEST BITCH ON THE BLOCK!!! T-shirts have been around for practically thousands of years, so there is no way these will ever go out of style.
Thrill to the straight-up logo shirt:
Marvel at the ladies version of the shirt:
Totally fucking go batshit insane for the censored but still paradigm-shifting hoodie:
Warning: THESE SHIRTS WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE! Also, do not wear pants with these shirts, because you will end up having to take them off anyway as soon as your biggest crush sees you in one!
Just read these testimonials from actual made-up people:
"Thank God I don't have to murder everyone in my office and I can just buy this shirt to make up for the fact that I hate my job!" -businessman, 35
"Holy shit, Mom, is that a Fuck You, Penguin shirt? When did you get to be so cool? Just for that, I won't steal money out of your purse in fifteen years." -baby, 6mo.
"Could you get me one of those? If so, you can come back for a second interview. How's tomorrow at 2?" -important person, 56
"Hey, where did everyone go? I'm being cute! Goddammit, I bet it's those damn shirts again." -penguin, 3
Make sure to get your shirt quickly, because these will sell out (not true). Note: 10% of the proceeds from these shirts will be added to 90% of the proceeds from these shirts, which I will then keep.
UPDATE: By popular demand (of three people), you can now get the Fuck You, Penguin store logo on a T-Shirt. I AM HERE FOR YOU.
Posted by bza at 5:52 AM