Monday, January 5, 2009

These assholes are taunting me

>>INTERSPECIES WEEK<<

Hippo and Tortoise, this aggression will not stand. When you lie next to each other, and kiss each other, and lay your heads on each other, and do whatever else you sick fucks do that they can't include in children's books, it is like you are mugging me, but leaving my wallet and just taking my dignity. STOP BEING SUCH A STUDY IN CONTRASTS. I can tell you think this is funny, Hippo. You're looking at me like it is fucking hilarious. But Tortoise, I am particularly disappointed in you. You are 130 years old, clearly you should know better by now. You've only got another 50 years to get your act together. These pictures are everywhere. Think of what your great great great great great great grandchildren will say to you when they see them. For shame, Tortoise.

40 comments:

david santos said...

Brilliant!!!!
Good evening!!!

non-non said...

I'm surprised at this picture!
I can't believe it!
A hippopotamus and a turtle nestle
each other...that's great!

Dr.Salt said...

It's unnatural is what it is. What would Jesus say?

Cindy said...

I'm a smart kid, I understand how things work normally but I still can't work it out. How is a turtle bigger than a hippo?

P.S. Both look like a pile of clay that some kid sculped in kindergarten.

Matt said...

The tortoise also shall dwell with the hippo, and the chipmunk shall lie down with the panda; and the reindeer and the swan and the wombat together; and a little penguin shall lead them.

Isaiah 11:6


Armageddon, my friends.

silverstar98121 said...

It's quite obviously a baby hippo, and so we not only have the interspecies thing going, but now some 130 year old turtle is getting his jollies with a baby. Pedophile!

rose said...

i'm surprised that tortoises' arch nemesis, the hare is not in the photo too. but that's probably in the "private" stash of pictures, just for their personal enjoyment.
sickos.

wombat said...

Outrageous! Why is my safe search filter not blocking this cuddlelicious obscenity!

Courtney said...

LOL 'You've only got another 50 years to get your act together. For shame, tortoise.'

Kate said...

too funny!

gggreg said...

am viewing this at the Library,right now. The wispers and complaints are getting out of hand.I am laughing so hard at this post that I am almost crying.But I am going to leave now,it seems they don't find this funny.Well,it;s fucking hilarious.

Fuck You, Fuck You, Penguin said...

Matt is right- Armageddon is coming. And so are we.

Tee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MCourt said...

What the hell is this! This is fucking obsurd. Next thing you two sick fucks will be going on your honeymoon trip and we'll have to look at your cute fucking PDA on a beach with your fucking zinc suntan lotion "so your skin dosen't burn.... and crack"

Laura said...

It's jungle fever.

CInAz said...

I just...feel...betrayed, dirty. Think of the children! Fucking fuckers, both of you.

jazzsick said...

Ha! I have a dog named Turtle. She loves her stuffed hippo toy we got her at Ikea. So, I guess it's not the first time a Turtle and a hippo have snuggled.

~Dan
http://jazzsick.wordpress.com/

It's All Good said...

Why is everyone so against this?! It's 2009 people, these things aren't THAT unusual! Maybe I'm the one who's too open-minded, but if they are in love, than they have the right to be together, no matter what society labels as normal....

tristan said...

I think YOU are mugging me and leaving my wallet. This is killed me on all accounts:
-Photo
-Verbiage
-Comments
Murder in the first degree...

~e said...

Hippo-on-Tortoise action is still illegal in my state.

Nikay said...

now i want a tortoise...

Dughallmor Beagles said...

OMFG!! So, SO funny....now I have sore cheeks...thanks a fucking lot!
And my dogs ARE the cutest, cuter than lasagne, OKAY????

Beth said...

Vote for FYP in the Weblog Awards and kick cheezburger ass PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!

http://2008.weblogawards.org/polls/best-pet-blog/

art student said...

Omg hahaha my favorite part is stop being a study of contrasts :)

Jaywalker said...

This is outrageous. Is there a petition I can sign? Also, I note the tortoise has ignored our repeated instructions to moisturise, dammit.

Meredith said...

The gall! There are even dolls selling as this duo on Amazon! http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/images/1579822142/ref=dp_image_0?ie=UTF8&n=283155&s=books

Technogeekboy said...

I'm as outraged as I am sleepy! Surely this will lead to a new fable "The Tortoise and the Hippo" in which the tortoise will again win the race because the hippo stops to gorge himself on Fritos or something.

emmajames said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JAbel said...

This is why Calif passed prop 8 so things like this won't happen.Imagine Rush Limbaugh and a human female.Unatural sex acts shouldn't happen.If a hippo and a Zebra did it would the offspring be a Zippo?

emmajames said...

Hey, if Hippo likes it hard, I am not one to object.

becoming whole said...

I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED OUT LOUD...SO LOUD AND SO LONG READING SOMETHING BEFORE. This is an awesome site. So happy I came across it. Thank you for your sick since of humour!!!

dave said...

I think that what everyone is missing here is that the hippo is ALWAYS the one leaning on the tortoise. Abuse I say! J'ACCUSE! That poor tortoise moves at what, 0.12 MPH and is likely over 100 years old. HELPLESS.

That hippo should be in jail.

ProfessorDog said...

They're separated now. The hippo grew up and stepped on the tortoise, so the hippo had to move out and make some new friends while old and wrinkly got his shell glued back together. (Seriously, and I'm sad that I know this.)

Glenn Chocky said...

Do I spot a Lebowski reference!

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