Friday, January 23, 2009

This jerk refuses to be my friend


What the hell, Dog? Like I'm not good enough for you. I have 6,000 friends on Facebook! YOU'RE NOT EVEN ON FACEBOOK BECAUSE YOUR PAWS WOULD MAKE TYPING IMPOSSIBLY AWKWARD. What am I doing wrong here? We hung out that one time, and I thought things were going pretty well. I made some jokes, you ate your own poop, WE HAD A NICE DAY TOGETHER.

I'm not upset. I'm just unclear on what makes you think you're so fucking cool and I am just dirt on the bottom of your paw. I am a cool person. I have cool sneakers, I watched Arrested Development from the premiere on, before it got trendy, and I say things like "Yeah, I loved Kanye, before he decided he could rap." I even met Samuel L. Jackson, and I was totally like "Hey, what's going on, oh, you're in movies?" Nevermind, forget it. Fuck you, Dog. I've got other things going on. I've got plans tonight anyway, and they don't involve crying.

61 comments:

Talk With No Thought said...

Wait, yes they do. Damn.

Nancy Coppock said...

Thanks FYP for being the antidote to animal smugness and cuteness. Just getting my morning caffeine I almost had heart palpitations watching my Papillon and kitten do their version of WWF. Seriously, FYP, I felt my heart rushing and pumping so hard in ecstasy that I had to hold on to the counter to keep from falling to the ground.

What did I do? Rushed to the computer to get a dose of FYP to reset my heart. Thank you FYP for delivering the antidote to animal cuteness. No more can the animals at my house or out in the world smugly control my emotions. I am a free man. I celebrate my freedom and liberty! What's that hubby? Oh, yeah, I'll get right on it....

Holy Cuteness said...

What a grumpy little jerk...

Mame said...

Dogs are the worst.

Cindy said...

He looks like my grandfather when hey used to push out his dentures to scare us kids. That's one ugly beast. No wonder he's forced to sleep out on the curb.

Will said...

OMG that's a fat pooch.

Leave some food for the rest of us you greedy ass.

Tim McNutt said...

I hope aren't trying out for America's Next Top Dog. There's no way the Obama's are going to adopt you looking like that. You might get lucky by having new Agriculture Secretary and former Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack take you in, but you'll never be the First Dog. Congratulations, you are the William Hung of dogs, now go eat some more feces.

Trish said...

Seriously, is that all you got? Underbites are passe.
All the cute little pug and pug mixes are wearing them, and they pull it off so much better.
You are a wannabe, dog, and that is why no one cares that you stare down FYP. No one at all.

Melissa A. Robinson said...

I think Fuck You Penguin has gotten lost a bit. Maybe you are drunk with your own power? Yes, certainly you are always hysterically funny. But isn't this a place to take CUTE animals down a notch? Why are you harrassing this dog? And that iguana? Have you run out of fluffy things? And adorable big-eyed things? I am all for keeping cuteness in line, but us ugly things have to stick together! There are plenty of blogs out there poking fun of ugly stuff. Get your priorities straight, FU P. Quit showing off and go after the cute offenders, please.

Jezebel said...

Now that I've cleaned my keyboard of the milk that just got snarfed out my nose because I was about to have an anyurism because I was laughing so fucking hard--let me tell you this dog is a complete schmuck. You're not cool dog, you're a dickwad.

G double dash LOC said...

Nick Nolte is that YOU?

*PinkNic* said...

I LOVE YOU!

furiousBall said...

i know how you feel, he makes me feel like white crusty old dog poop, you don't even step on it, you just kick it

Dr.Salt said...

I hate dogs more than anything.

Ironically, I keep a blog about them.

Skeptical Bystander said...

Okay, so I get that this dog's mother was a Rottweiller or something. But what about the dad? Was he a barrel?

cassaundra said...

excellent.

Dunesdreamer said...

Wait a minute...I recognize this fucker! Didn't he play the enemy Schwarzenegger fought in Predator?

Your acting was pathetic back then, hound (even though you did upstage Ah-nold; but really, how hard is that?), and it hasn't gotten any better.

Tara Rabeumdeay said...

Huh. All dogs love me.

There's one five feet away from me now.

I can't seem to get rid of it, and it follows me everywhere.

Damn dogs.

HopeSpringsATurtle said...

Thanks a lot Mr. or Ms. FYP for denigrating the last bastion of human compassion. I'm gonna sic PETA on yer ass. You'll be hearing from us.

P.S. you are now on my blogroll so I can observe and document your hateful ways...

Sincerely,

HopeSpringsATurtle

melouise said...

Ha! You think you got 'tude, you asshole mutt?

Try my waddling pug "Pincess Elizabeth Joy"- SHE'S got it ALL over YOUR fat ass.

(my idiot children named her)

Makes not THEM but ME get up at 5am every day to give Her Royal Fucking Majesty a damn biscuit (Iams, not that generic cheap crap- thank you very FUCKING much!!), then spits it out immediately at my feet.

Pi-tooey!!

Then the spoiled bitch will sulk until I pick it up and I hold it at HER eye level.

Next she sighs, grabs it, munches it down and immediately hops onto HER chair to take a loud snoring nap.

I fuckin' hate dogs.

Tara Rabeumdeay said...

melouise - you have my sympathies. You should see the vulgar, rude, drooling mess that passes for a canine and inhabits my home.

Freakin' thing follows me around all day; last week I actually baked it homemade peanut/honey treats in an effort to bribe it to go away. Whoa, did that ever backfire.

I feel for ya.

Allgaul said...

Skeptical Bystander said:
"Okay, so I get that this dog's mother was a Rottweiller or something. But what about the dad? Was he a barrel?"

OMG I can hardly sit in this chair I am laughing so hard...a barrel.
*guffaws*

mommyknows said...

Snort! You're killing me!

It's All Good said...

I think we need to get this little smug dog one of your doggy shirts

Sue said...

that's my dog, assholes. stfu.

just kidding, my dog is so fucking cute i want to puke on her every time i look at the bitch.

Jeff said...

Who do you think you are dog? A FUCKING EWOK???
Get over yourself, you are nothing but a BITCH!

emmajames said...

I can't decide whether I think this dog is scary as hell or so ugly he's cute.

Meredith said...

I want to dress him up in a tuxedo and be happy together for the rest of time.

Alexa said...

The bastard isn't even cute.

Jerk.

wok3 said...

On the plus side, it wasn't Sarkozy's dog.

goeastyoungwomantodubai said...

Melouise,

I think you're stuck up princess of a dog might actually be a cat in disguise with that attitude.

That FUP dog is one ugly son of a bitch!

Technogeekboy said...

If I ate my own poop I'd probably make the same face. Don't let it get you down and try not to think about the fact that he can also lick his own balls.

melouise said...

You may be onto something, GEYWTD re:pug with cat-like tendecies...

We had just one old indoor cat. Then our meth-head neighbors abandoned their beat-up trailer- next thing I know, one old cat in the front yard,yowling for food.

That was 4 or 5 years ago- as of this winter, 2 MORE freeloaders are hanging around!

We live out in the freaking frozen WOODS of Maine- where the bloody fuck are these cats coming from??

(all bitchin' aside, they are all nice- but my husband thinks I'm an utter loon...)

melouise said...

Damn, Tara- can I come stay at your house and get away from my bossy furry overlords?? Yum!

Emily said...

I wouldn't worry about it. Rehab will sort you out. I needed three months after this little one wouldn't let me join him in making paintings.

http://img.metro.co.uk/i/pix/2007/06/Piglet_450x365.jpg

Leigh Atwater said...

Perhaps he's just annoyed that you're going out with his mom. Kids can get really pissy about that, trying to replace the father and all.

trickrodd said...

Is it wrong that I've always wanted a blanket made out of dogs ears? I just haven't figured out how to keep them soft once they're no longer connected...to the dog that is.

Pasque Post said...

I wouldn't want to be your friend either.

ummmmheyyyy said...

ATTN: Fuck You Penguin fans

Heavily under the influence of Fuck You Penguin, I wrote something. Click on my name to see it. Enjoy, or don't. It's your life.

gamyra said...

... he's never looked good on pics and he spits poop pieces while barking...but he does make a great foot stool

JLKING said...

I watched Arrested Development from the premiere before it got trendy too and ugly dogs dis me all the time. WTF?

Dan G said...

Yeah, look at the attitude on that mutt! Who does he think he is. My future mother-in-law looks at me with less disapproval, and I thought she was intolerable.

Jobs for Writers

Thunderclese said...

WTF, FUP. You sure are a softie when it comes to dogs. Why does a lamb or a monkey get told off, but for a dog you weep like a junior high girl who's lost her AC Slater notebook? I'm not sure you've really got the sack to truly tell cute animals what's what if you go all weepy over da cute widdwe puppies. Does FUP stand for Fond of yoU Puppies?

smellyia said...

OK. I just found this blog and I have been sent to the garage by my husband because of the cackling that has erupted from my mouth. I plan on being here for the duration of my evening reading your older posts. And that dog looks like a slapper. Beware.

katlau said...

Wow. If the dog can't even appreciate goddamn Arrested Development...clearly that relationship isn't worth your time. COME ON!

Aynex Mercado said...

I apologize but my cat has gone crazy after reading your blog and posted a response in my blog. Here is a link http://aynex.blogspot.com/2009/01/kandinsky-sunday-f-you-too.html

cutefuckingkills said...

BZA-
Come on now, shake that shit off. That miserable cur might look all hard-core and badass, but clearly he is an imposter. Reminds me of the teenage white boys hanging out at the mall with their hats to the side, baggy pants, fubu hoodies and fake gold chains trying to look like they come from the hood.
Your doggie here is just to literal to be taken seriously-where is the nuance, the subtle irony?
Face it, this dog is an upper middle class german shephard coming downtown to hang out and get a little stank on him and you fell it.
Sorry bout that.
So with extra emotion I will now say
Fuck you and your lame assed underbite dog!

Kristine said...

That dog would eat your face off.

alntv said...

That is one fucking ugly dog. Just sayin'...

Julian Meteor said...

That looks EXACTLY like the girl I went home with last night!!!!!!! lol
EXACTLY!!!!!
I have NO standrads lmao

Mame said...

I *barely* made it through the weekend. It's a long stretch of desert from Saturday to Monday with all efforts spent on making it to the oasis - a fresh Fuck You Penguin post.

Okay, it's Monday already. And almost noon. I'm not sure I can hold out much longer. Please don't tell me we've run out of cute things.

GreatSheElephant said...

That's the ugliest dog I've ever seen.

Jayson Awesome said...

lipstick erection motherfucker

dole-scum said...

I hate dogs,especially those yappy,little rat,things that dumb-assed blond tramps like Paris always seem to carry around in their hand-bags.

Just me said...

toofers mcgee!

LAN said...

puma mens shoes
puma shoes
puma speed
nike shoes
nike air
nike air shoes
nike air max 90
nike air max 95
nike air max tn
nike air rift
nike shox r4
nike air max 360
nike shox nz
puma cat
air max trainers
mens nike air max
sports shoes
nike air rifts
nike air rift trainer
nike air
nike shoes air max
nike shoes shox
air shoes
Lucyliu IS Lucyliu
nike shoe cart
puma future
cheap puma
nike rift
jeans shop
diesel jeans
levis jeans
nike rift shoes
cheap nike air rifts
bape shoes

coco said...

cool!i love it!AV,無碼,a片免費看,自拍貼圖,伊莉,微風論壇,成人聊天室,成人電影,成人文學,成人貼圖區,成人網站,一葉情貼圖片區,色情漫畫,言情小說,情色論壇,臺灣情色網,色情影片,色情,成人影城,080視訊聊天室,a片,A漫,h漫,麗的色遊戲,同志色教館,AV女優,SEX,咆哮小老鼠,85cc免費影片,正妹牆,ut聊天室,豆豆聊天室,聊天室,情色小說,aio,成人,微風成人,做愛,成人貼圖,18成人,嘟嘟成人網,aio交友愛情館,情色文學,色情小說,色情網站,情色,A片下載,嘟嘟情人色網,成人影片,成人圖片,成人文章,成人小說,成人漫畫,視訊聊天室,性愛,a片,AV女優,聊天室,情色

ibrahim said...

Sesli SohbetgelSesli Chatgor
SesliSohbetsendeSesliChatbize
Sesli Sohbet sitelerikatilSesli Chat sitelerihadi
SeslibeklemeChatyoksa
Sohbetpismankamerali Chatolursun
kamerali SohbetamaSesli sitelergecikme
Sohbet sitelerigecmisChat siteleriolmaz
Sohbet merkezi chat merkezi
Sesli merkezi sesli Sohbet merkezi
Sesli chat merkezi Sohbetmerkezi
Sesli SohbetgelSesli Chatgor
SesliSohbetsendeSesliChatbize
Sesli Sohbet sitelerikatilSesli Chat sitelerihadi
SeslibeklemeChatyoksa
Sohbetpismankamerali Chatolursun
kamerali SohbetamaSesli siteleris isten
Sohbet sitelerigecmisChat siteleriolacak thanks.
Seslimuhabbet sesli muhabbet
alim satim alis veris
alim satim alis veristhanks

ibrahim said...

Sesli SohbetgelSesli Chatgor
SesliSohbetsendeSesliChatbize
Sesli Sohbet sitelerikatilSesli Chat sitelerihadi
SeslibeklemeChatyoksa
Sohbetpismankamerali Chatolursun
kamerali SohbetamaSesli siteleris isten
Sohbet sitelerigecmisChat siteleriolacak thanks.
Sesli SohbetgelSesli Chatgor
SesliSohbetsendeSesliChatbize
Sesli Sohbet sitelerikatilSesli Chat sitelerihadi
SeslibeklemeChatyoksa
Sohbetpismankamerali Chatolursun
kamerali SohbetamaSesli siteleris isten
Sohbet sitelerigecmisChat siteleriolacak thanks.
Sesli SohbetgelSesli Chatgor
SesliSohbetsendeSesliChatbize
Sesli Sohbet sitelerikatilSesli Chat sitelerihadi
SeslibeklemeChatyoksa
Sohbetpismankamerali Chatolursun
kamerali SohbetamaSesli siteleris isten
Sohbet sitelerigecmisChat siteleriolacak thanks.

ibrahim said...

Sesli SohbetgelSesli Chatgor
SesliSohbetsendeSesliChatbize
Sesli Sohbet sitelerikatilSesli Chat sitelerihadi
SeslibeklemeChatyoksa
Sohbetpismankamerali Chatolursun
kamerali SohbetamaSesli siteleris isten
Sohbet sitelerigecmisChat siteleriolacak thanks.
Sesli SohbetgelSesli Chatgor
SesliSohbetsendeSesliChatbize
Sesli Sohbet sitelerikatilSesli Chat sitelerihadi
SeslibeklemeChatyoksa
Sohbetpismankamerali Chatolursun
kamerali SohbetamaSesli siteleris isten
Sohbet sitelerigecmisChat siteleriolacak thanks.
Sesli SohbetgelSesli Chatgor
SesliSohbetsendeSesliChatbize
Sesli Sohbet sitelerikatilSesli Chat sitelerihadi
SeslibeklemeChatyoksa
Sohbetpismankamerali Chatolursun
kamerali SohbetamaSesli siteleris isten
Sohbet sitelerigecmisChat siteleriolacak thanks.

ibrahim said...

Sesli SohbetgelSesli Chatgor
SesliSohbetsendeSesliChatbize
Sesli Sohbet sitelerikatilSesli Chat sitelerihadi
SeslibeklemeChatyoksa
Sohbetpismankamerali Chatolursun
kamerali SohbetamaSesli siteleris isten
Sohbet sitelerigecmisChat siteleriolacak thanks.
Sesli panelgelSesli Chat panellerigor
SeslipanelsendeSesli sohbet panelleribize
Sesli Sohbet sitelerikatilSesli Chat sitelerihadi
Sohbet panelleribeklemeChat panelleriyoksa
panelpismandunya panelolursun
speaky panelamaSpeakypanelis isten
sesli sohbetgecmissesli chatolacak thanks.
diyarbakirgecmisdiyarbakir gazeteleri
Sesli şehir Seslişehir
Sesli SohbetgelSesli Chatthanks
Sesli SohbetsendeSesli Chatgor
Sesli SohbetdurmaSesli Chatgor
Sesli SohbetgelSesli Chatthanks