Thursday, January 8, 2009

This snake has zero game

>>INTERSPECIES WEEK<<

So this snake was supposed to eat this hamster, but supposedly it decided that the hamster was just too wonderful to eat and now they hang out and stuff. People think this is a metaphor for world peace.

Personally, I'm not impressed. I think the snake waited too long to eat the hampster because there were people watching, and now it's stuck in the friend zone. All they do is hang out and watch TV, and every time the snake says "Hey, wouldn't it be weird if I ate you?" the hamster is like "Haha, you're so funny" and changes the subject. So fuck you, Snake, for making people think world peace is achievable, when all you need to do is grow some balls.

70 comments:

Joan of Argghh! said...

Fuck the snake! He looks to be in a molt, shedding his skin.

He's got priorities, dammit!

But just you wait until he's all shiny and spanky-new, you Hamster. No "Peace on Earth" shit. Just a bit of Silent Night, stupid rat.

jezebel said...

marry me.

it'll be a short marriage; i'll die laughing and you'll get my riches.

Will said...

Snake, ya gots to step ya game up!

Marc said...

my brother-in-law didn't eat his meal (rat) once. they were buddies for a month or so, but the snake finally got hungry and that was the end of a very ugly albino rat with big gross pink testicles. burp.

Marc said...

a thousand pardons! my brother-in-law's SNAKE. not my brother-in-law himself. LOL

Concerned Citizen said...

This blog is evil! Please visit http://animalsneedkisses.wordpress.com/ to read some sensible, kind things about animals instead of this horror and monstrosity! :'(

kingstreetfarm said...

STFU ConcernedCitizen, and grow a sense of humor.

Dr.Salt said...

If this blog is evil I don't want to be good.

Meghan said...

I'm not gonna lie, that hamster is damn cute. I wouldn't be able to eat it either...

Dunesdreamer said...

Or, as Barbara Mandrell should have sung...

"If lovin' you is wrong, I don't want to be rep(-tile)..."

wombat said...

Snake, I've known a lot of snakes and you know what? You suck as a snake. Just plain suck. You should be ashamed of yourself.

DerekSmalls said...

I ate snake once in China. It tastes like chicken. Snake is an chicken impostor. SO Fuck You Snake, you could have tasted like snake but instead you decided to be an original bastard.
http://comewhinewithme.blogspot.com/

Mermanda said...

Grow some balls, you freaking snake bastard!

Carole Sharpless said...

OMG. I seriously need to invest in Depends. Every time I read your blog I always pee my pants laughing. Now I have ruined chairs. Nice...

You are consistently brilliant.

Not every professional athlete has a stick up their ass. This is GREAT stuff. Keep it up.

Holy Cuteness said...

Good snake for not eating the hamster... :-)
That hamster is just waaay too cute.

Danielle said...

That hamster is clearly evil and deserving of being eaten too. I mean he is trying to stare into my soul. Snake needs to take care of that business!

Brooke said...

Wouldn't it be funny if the hamster ate the snake? Then who'd be laughing? Hamsters can't laugh, so probably just me.

ACE said...

Also the snake is blind I think.

Dr. Mabuse said...

Aren't snakes supposed to hypnotize their victims before they strike? I think this snake has met a Svengali hamster, with stronger powers, and now HE is hypnotized.

Nathalie & Nicole said...

if he's not eating you...then he's just not that into you

Darkheath said...

Ah... the evil "friend-zone". Just type "Friend-Zone" into your GPS and odds are it will lead you to me. :-p

1jazzycat said...

Hamster to cute to eat? Are you kidding me??? He looks freaking delicious!

Jeff Wilk said...

He could probably grow balls, if he didn't slither on the ground rubbing them off every day. I suggest growing legs first, then work on the nuts.

Trish said...

Honestly, Concerned Citizen, where did you find that silly site? Talk about evil. I went there, and learned way too much about kissing animals.
I am not sure, but I think I actually liked it.

rose said...

i think the snake is just to lazy to unhinge his jaw for that fat fuzzy bastard of a hamster. he doesn't want a fatty meal.
hamster, get on your wheel and shed some pounds so the snake can have a nice lean cut of meat for dinner.

Dughallmor Beagles said...

OMFG....friend zone....too funny!
Can't live without this blog now and i'm telling everyone!
Linked to it on my blog and facebook!

Aeroentropy said...

What Joan said at the beginning. When that molt is done and those caps off his eyes, mr Hammy is toast!

Snake said...

Stupid "no game" snake! just goes to prove if you want something done right...you gotta do it yourself.. now if you'll excuse me, I've got a hamster to eat

Eduardo said...

I love this blog, bashing animals for their cuteness, it's so funny, so bad, yet so oh I don't know amusingly sinister. I wouldn't care if you bashed me for my cuteness! Your blog is now one of my guilty pleasures.
Hugs & Snugs
Eduardo the Snuggle Puggle

Johnny G said...

The milky color of the snake's eyes tell us that the snake is ready to start the shedding of its skin. The snake won't eat it shedding.

divacosmos said...

Well, we all want what we can't have, apparently also in the animal kingdom. Snake is obviously charmed by Hamster's luxurious fur coat and has hibernated into a self-loathing depression over his slick, scaley self. Hamster, on the other hand, is paralyzed by shame over his itty bitty teeth which he though were quite fetching until he got a look at Snake's Fangs stretching the length of his face.

Fuck both of yous. Envy is the real winner here.

SirFWALGMan said...

A snake and a crab had become friends and were living together. The crab had a straightforward character and he urged the snake to change his wicked ways but the snake refused to follow the crab's good advice. So the crab kept an eye on the snake and when he found him sleeping he grabbed the snake by the neck and squeezed him to death between his claws. As he was dying, the snake stretched out straight. The crab then remarked, 'Hey, if you had been this straightforward to begin with, I would not have had to punish you for your crooked behaviour!'

WATCH OUT SNAKE! YOUR IN DANGER!

Jay, aka The Angry Little Man said...

Satan will come to earth in the form of a Dwarf Hamster.

Tee said...

If this snake is so peace loving why isn't he over in the Gaza Strip working his magic? Lying bastard, he's not peace loving, just lazy!

Sidenote: I'm really gonna miss interspecies week :(

Raquel Raney said...

just came across your blog. hilarious. hate snakes but this made me smile. thanks.

It's All Good said...

I see evil in the hamsters eyes...

joeythelovesponge said...

I think the snake doesn't want to eat the hamster because he thinks it mught taste like Richard Gere's ass!

CInAz said...

The picture was merely snapped too early. That hampster is gone, my friends, gone.

The Clandestine Samurai said...

I seen the title of this post on someone else's blog list and though it was a reference to Metal Gear Solid, the video game.

Anyway, I hope the hamster and the snake are still living peacefully. Otherwise, I hope that stupid snake has been chopped in half and fed to starving children.

jasolater said...

Clearly they are trying to promote world peace by imitating the Lion laying down with the Lamb. But for us folks who can see through their lame attempt at cuteness, it is clear that they fail for many reasons (the snake isn't even wearing a Lion costume for Christ's sake!! And the hamster doesn't even know that Lambs cannot pose with both front legs in the air like that), so they just end up looking like assholes.

Ted said...

We will not be ignored. Penguins shall have their day.

http://gofuckyourselvesbabies.blogspot.com/

Rebecca said...

I loved this one...the best yet!

Pulled Up said...

Dog and owl
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/4075621/Bassett-Hound-and-owl-strike-up-unusual-friendship.html

Chicken and horse
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/bristol/7788747.stm

http://www.thisissomerset.co.uk/central/news/Horse-head-bed-hen/article-565823-detail/article.html

Myshka said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA. Funniest post I've read in a long long time. Genius.

Technogeekboy said...

I think that snake is dead and I think we both know who did it.

Kathy said...

I think the snake is blind and doesn't see the hamster and maybe his smelling tongue is just numb from dental work or something.

Prose Contortionist said...

Best entry yet! And I hate snakes.... of course, this all could be a ploy and for all we know the snake is holding a gun to the back of Hammy's head.

Play it cool, Hamster.

Lisa said...

Look at the Dalai Lama-like pose of the Hamster. Perhaps the snake, being from the Garden of Eden lineage, senses the holiness in the Hamster (even though he lacks his small saffron hamster robe.)

Forget that we're crossing religious lines here. We're all one.

Ommmmm.

Pogria said...

The hamster has his fingers together and is saying "Excellent!", ala C Montgomery Burns.

Andrea said...

OH MY GOD I HAVE NOT LAUGHED THIS HARD IN A LOOOOOOOONG TIME. THANK YOU, BRILLIANTLY CREATIVE WRITER, FOR YOUR HILARIOUS BLOG!!

Lisa said...

Pogria,

I conceded, an excellent alternate take.

Stacey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MichieGrl said...

And then the snake was like "I know, I was totally joking! I would never eat you... And I totally don't dream about it and stuff..."

hahaa its alyssa said...

I'm just saying that this is one of the best websites I've seen in a long time... It's hilarious!

Kadjah said...

This is my favorite post yet!

xCOLDSTEELx said...

the snake bekomms a new skin, in this moment the snake is blind. whenn snakes becom a new skin, they dont eat!
this is not cute, this is stress for hamster AND snake!
and sorry for my bad english

The Beautiful Kind said...

That snake is blind, not just to hamsters and world peace, but to how rodents are fucking delicious. Let's see if he'll eat an apple.

Leanne said...

Yep. I'm with the rest, I want the Hammster to attack and eat the snake. Actually the snake looks dead to me. Is it dead? That would explain it all.

nm7205a said...

Natural order seizes existing when there is Peace on Earth. Thus the logical end to this little friendship, is THE END OF THE WORLD!!!

Erika said...

Hey, that's not a hamster, it's a GERBIL! No wonder the snake is not gettin' his lunch on.

That said, this blog is BRILLIANT!

St. Sarah of the Picklebuckets said...

I knew of someone who used to let his younger daughter's hamster play with the older daughter's snake and he insisted the both liked it. When the snake got big enough he ate the hamster. Trust me, he's just waiting till he can get his mouth around his juicy, furry "friend". No peace here...just patience!

Dad? said...

Once upon a time an old lady was walking down the street. She passed a group of boys in a circle kicking something. As she got closer, she noticed it was a baby rattlesnake. Scolding the boys, she gently picked up the snake and took him home.
After several weeks, she had nursed the snake back to health and was about to return him to the woods. As she lifted the snake, it bit her. "Hey," she screamed with her dying breath, " I saved you. Why have you killed me?"
The snake responded, "Lady, you knew I was a snake when you picked me up."

prdevildevine said...

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!! wow... dis is funny.. if i was dat snak i wudda been lik itll be funny if i eat u and b4 he can say anything CHOMP!! and then continue watchin tv!! yay...

Greenman said...

Obviously nobody has heard that calm hamster is succulent and delicious, nervous hamster has a bitter gamy twinge to it. The snake is luring the hamster into a juicy delicious state of tasty relaxedness......mmmmmm yummy-calm hamster treat! Smart snake. Silly humans.

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