Wednesday, January 7, 2009

You better be in imminent danger, Monkey

>>INTERSPECIES WEEK<<
Monkey, I swear to God, if there isn't a gun just off camera or a man with a giant hammer running towards you, you are in SERIOUS FUCKING TROUBLE. I understand that in the event of an emergency you are advised to grab anything else in the area that is cute and therefore double your cute defenses, but Monkey THIS IS DEFCON 2 LEVEL SHIT. I would think even if you had personally murdered Whitney Houston and then said disparaging things about Muhammad (peace be upon him -ed.) Osama Bin Laden would be helpless to your powers. Come to think of it, if everyone had a monkey just out of reach of a dove, perhaps we could bring about world peace. Fuck you, Monkey, for hoarding the technology.

44 comments:

SlapsBrats said...

This monkey has no right to do what it's done, but I wouldn't give the dove such an easy pass either. What an attention whore! You'd think a full-grown dove would have more self-respect than to fly up to every baby in sight whenever a camera is around. It's you, Dove, that's the true whore. This poor monkey is doubtless one of your many victims. Let's hope more come forward and stop your reign of terror.

-db said...

Thank you for adding this element of humorous hatred into my life. you are fantastic.

skwilli said...

Kudos to whoever staged the photo. But its nothing more than a glorified pigeon.

look4sdr said...

This monkey makes me as sick as these sea whores... I mean horses.

http://bp3.blogger.com/_ySCIT3KO9Zc/Rhqns1s8MZI/AAAAAAAAElE/WRalxVjzMDM/s1600-h/Animal_love_13.jpg

humatheguma said...

Ha ha ha ha. How nice of you to put (PBUH) after Muhammad. So not the point, but you're nice. Even if you do yell at cute animals. WHO TOTALLY FUCKING DESERVE IT THE FUCKING HACKS.

Tee said...

"Peace Be Unto Him" fabulous

Matt said...

That pigeon better watch out for roving pelicans around meal time:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PO5ifLzLYiU

Dunesdreamer said...

If you knew the history of the photo, you would be kinder. This was shot on the deck of the Ark...the monkey is consoling the dove because kind old captain Noah sent the dove's mate out to find land and it never returned (Gen. 8:12).

Jeff Wilk said...

Have we even taken the time to think that this is NOT a monkey hugging some bird, but instead, some freak of Siamese twin nature and two poor helpless animals that are inseparable physically and are forced to work in some sick carninval side show?

Nah - probably not. They are just too fucking cute. DAMN THEM!

Jay, aka The Angry Little Man said...

The only way I can stomach this photo is with the belief that as soon as the camera shutter clicked, the bird flicked around and pecked that fucked up monkey's eyes out.

Mermanda said...

What a wanker.

(I'm not British, I just have always wanted to use that word. Thanks for the opportunity.)

Dr. Mabuse said...

No, no, Jay you got it backwards! But no wonder - I see by your picture that you must be some kind of bird supremacist. What really happened was the moment the photo was clicked, the monkey moved its delicate, elfin, human-like hand, grabbed the dove by the neck and throttled it to death with its opposable thumb.

(fŭng'kē) [blak] [chik] said...

and in the back ground, some larger animal is thinking...

"Penguin & Monkey, it's whats for dinner"....

Zoe said...

This is the best thing ever. I love this blog.

melouise said...

Damned monkey, trying to look all cute and innocent. We know fucking well that YOU- YOU are the one who hacked all of the Soapblox blogs today and threw off the best blog catagory voting.

Damn you to H-E-Double Toothpicks, you simpering simian shit.

Beth said...

No no no, that monkey is one of BIN LADEN'S HENCHMEN! He's a fucking terrorist!

Pearl said...

I always hated that monkey.
Pearl

Becky said...

Best. Blog. Ever.

Michael said...

"DefCon 2 level shit" - this is awesome.

It's ironic the monkey is clutching a dove, the symbol for peace. We all know that monkeys stand for ANARCHY and DEATH. Why do you think they're always flinging their poo around, because their hearts are full of joy, NO because they're full of HATE. And, they just like flinging poo.

Cranberry Shades said...

Finally. Someone telling the monkeys who the real boss is.

Lodo Grdzak said...

"You may not be my Buttercup, but you'll have to do."

Gammy said...

I ran into this blog by googling for the answer to "why do jews eat chinese food on christmas?". I assume it's for the animals...no no kidding! You're soooo gonna win the awardless award. Kudos.

trickrodd said...

too... too... too much ... too much cute... brain hurt... bad monkey... bad monkey needs... bad monkey needs spanking...

Chonny Chondra said...

I've been staring at the clock waiting for the 24 hours to pass so I can keep voting. That finger click is my final reason to live. Fuck you monkey, but thank you for keeping this blog one more post alive.

Nigel, Sola and Co. said...

Flat out killer. Post on!

The North Sister said...

You're sick, Monkey, with your little human eyes and your fake soul. We know it's not a real soul, Monkey. Think you'll fool us with your dove-loving? No soul, monkey. No soul.

cathauto said...

Momma loves you... Momma laffs out loud. Thank jeebus for cuss words and little cuties.

jasolater said...

I'd like to slap that fuckin' monkey in the face and give that dove a swift kick in the ass.

Me said...

Wow, everyone here really hates monkeys all of a sudden.

Fat Tony said...

maybe the mokiey saw the dove flying and threw shit and drops of monkey love at it, knocking it out of the sky and is now holding it hostage and preparing to break it's neck.....just a thought

Vanessa Rogers said...

That is the most adorable pic ever!!! Hilarious!

BL@KBIRD said...

Man, that's no dove, that's a flying rat (pigeon). The monkey is listening to the lice on it's back whisper....whisper....."Islam is the light."

Julie said...

I really don't like monkeys. My life has been much more peaceful since I've admitted that.

alexis said...

there is no excuse.

Andrew said...

Im saddened by the comments above. Cant you philistines just see this for what it is?

The Monkey has roughly TAKEN this dove. Robbed her of her maidenhead. Taken her purity. And probably filmed it.

Wracked with guilt, Mr i-just-fucked-a-dove is caressing his trophy.

Please people, LET THAT IN.

Dianne P said...

I like to think of them as Hitler and Eva Braun.

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