Thursday, February 26, 2009

Crossbreed kittens are genetically engineered to fuck shit up


Kitten, they created you so you could be a Persian cat without long hair, but what they didn't predict was you sticking your fucking head out of that bed and making a face which is pretty much the worst thing I've ever seen. You are like the Natasha Henstridge in Species of cute. I would blame the misguided souls that made you, but I'm not entirely convinced you couldn't just keep it together and lead a normal cat life. For example, why are you looking at the camera? And Jesus Christ, stop fucking frowning. You have your whole life ahead of you!

And then I find out you have your own blog? And it's in Japanese! Uh-uh, learning how to use Flash, I believe, BUT THERE'S NO FUCKING WAY YOU KNOW JAPANESE, KITTEN, IT'S A REALLY HARD LANGUAGE TO LEARN. Something is going on here, Kitten. I'm going to find out what it is. So get ready, Kitten, I'll give you something to frown about.

65 comments:

melouise said...

Baka kitten.

Chidinma said...

And take that movie down from your website, you attention whore!

PersonalFailure said...

great, i looked into the kitten's eyes for too long, and now it owns my soul. damn you, crossbreed kitten!

Emerson Marks said...

Croosbed kittens? I recognise that miserable little fucker, and get this, he's got the gaul to get other people to clean up his shit.

Jon Stansel said...

That's some pretty complex flash that damn kitten has. We must be cautious.

...love Maegan said...

omg ...hilarious.

Walter said...

They're called Exotics, but they should be called, "Fuck you, catbreeders." Persians were fine. They had those ugly-cute faces, but no one gave a shit because they were so damn hairy. But now these exotics are fucking everything up with their short hair.

Mademoiselle Robot said...

I just got shown the link to your blog today by July Stars and it is BLOWING MY MIND.

Jeff Wilk said...

There is no way that cat designed that website. That little shit does not have opposable thumbs!!! You are telling me he can program not just HTML but Flash. With no ability to type?

He's a liar.

Lindsay Champion said...

Spring for the Himalayan, the Persian/Siamese mix. Less hair trouble and less Persian apathy.

lindsay || newyorkwords.net

Kristen said...

What is it with Asians and genetically engineering the most goddamn adorable little creatures on the planet? Is this the Hello Kitty movement on crack?

furiousBall said...

I am going to spay AND neuter your ass... and your genitals too.

Amy said...

*fights it*
*fights it*
*fights iiiit...*

OH GOD IT'S SO CUTE!

*slaps hands over mouth*

I am so sorry!

HC said...

Lol, that is the cutest kitty face ever... I f***** want a crossbreed kitten!

Not Scarlett said...

I love you so fucking much! But stop making me laugh so hard I spit all over my computer screen, please.

Trav said...

fucking cat... what good is it ever gonna be? it's gonna shit and piss in the house. it's gonna make all sorts of noise when it goes into heat... i got a 50 cent solution for that fucking crossbreed wannabe... yeah... that's right... a sever case of lead poisoning

gregoryyy said...

Listen,EWOK...your not fooling me.Get out of that furry ship and leave us alone!!

Tell Lucas his "website" is not fooling us either. Damn jerk.

Magic Pants Jones said...

That kitten is so cute, it has to be evil.

Jezebel said...

Buck up, kitten. It must really suck to so damned cute. I'd frown too, douche. Just go curl up in a little ball and be adorable out of my sight. Ugh.

Dunesdreamer said...

It may be cute right now, but just feed it after midnight and see what fucking happens....

fairynerd said...

I literally gasped audibly when this kitten came up. My husband thought I had gotten injured myself. Well, I did. On cuteness.

Will said...

MY EYES, MY FUCKING EYES! I'M BLIND AHGGGAHHHGGG FUCKING KITTEN BLINDED ME WITH SOME NOT OF THIS WORLD COMBINATION OF CUTENESS AND REVOLTING-NESSNESS.

Roxie said...

Wow, you're so popular, you're getting spammed.

I bet that kitten eats honey baked ham every fucking day

Ms Unreliable said...

Goddamn kawaii kittens!

rationalpsychic said...

Ok. Now you're in for it. I'm putting your blog on my blogroll. Expect one hit from me on a seasonal basis.

hirakendu said...

;-)

VinoVal said...

Seriously dude. You go on vacation and look at what happens: http://www.zooborns.com/zooborns/2009/02/whats-cuter-than-a-fennec-fox.html. Fckin disgusting.

Shimmy said...

Oh, Christ, your crossbreed cuteness is fucking killing me. Who do you think you are, Jack Ruby?

GreatSheElephant said...

uhh, am I the only one who thinks those sort of kittens actually aren't cute at all as kittens go?

Allgaul said...

You linked us to a head-explosion land mine! That kitten LICKED MY NOSE! I was so close to the screen looking at it's little video it took of itself and it LICKED THE CAM-and it got me! IT GOT ME! CAT LICKED MY NOSE! OMG....MEDIC!

penelope said...

what the fuck kind of bullshit blog is that kitten? or do you prefer to be called kitteh... i know your type... i'm on to you!

Katiebabs a.k.a KB said...

Awww.... can't help it.

The Chiconomist Celine said...

evil little furball is gonna make me implode with its cuteness.

Blogger321 said...

KILL IT!! KILL IT NOW!! It's taking over my mind....kill...kill...awwww look at the cute little kitten. We love the kitten. No harm must come to the kitten...

Adam Markus said...

You can also buy this little cute creep's book http://www.amazon.co.jp/%E3%82%81%E3%82%81%E3%81%BC%E3%82%93/dp/4812433266/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1195142521&sr=8-1

It is in Japanese, but hey you are smarter than him, so it should be OK.

Hannah said...

memebon is my fav!! from like a year ago on cute overload of course.....

umijin said...

I hates kats anyways. Those cats are pathetic, beyond the redemption of any hot J-gal saying "ka-waiii"!

Jenni Cricket said...

Holy hell, cats are coming to get us. First LOLcats and crossbreed kittens with their own blogs. God help us alllllll..... Come get me crossbreed kitten, I've got two dobies looking for a snack, you should do the trick.

*moggit girls said...

We really, really get you.

(we hope you appreciate our use of italics)

Joy and Janet
the moggit girls

nltisme said...

Thunderously cute.....dammit!

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Joey said...

Shit. The kitten fucking brainwashed me with it's stare, and now I have the urge to assassinate presidents, and prime-ministers, and what not...

TheWoRdsUnsAiD said...

Why don't you just go buy me a litter pan, a leash and a bowl, Crossbreed Kitten because you have officially destroyed my ability to function for the rest of the day. And don't even try giving me that adorable little "Love me" face to get me to forgive you because I won't. I...

OhgodI'msorry. Don't cry, just please don't.

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ChristianMetcalfe said...

I just encountered an evil cat (rather than a kitten) looking cute (or trying - I think she is a bit passed it - mutton dressed up as lamb and all that) on my blog here http://www.estatesgazette.com/blogs/property-law/2009/09/evil-cat-blamed-for-property-downturn.html Could you take a look and tell it to leave me alone.
Thanks

180|360 said...

Apparently crossbreed kittens fucked with the Chinese Wholesalers of the world. Sheesh!

Anuket said...

These demons are all over youtube, for some reason they all claim to speak japanese...and WTF?! they can stand?!

Here is a scary one...terrorist cat training video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdhLQCYQ-nQ

jmuhj said...

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l said...

don, lets stop tis. i know you still want to be a family. i'm not angry. lets move on. i know about everything and it's okay. where is this going. we are wasting time and resources living apart. itsn't it costly having to find people to watch scnookums or drive to take her somewhere. let's move on and be a family again. please. i'm begging you for the sake of the family. i'll drop my stuff if you drop yours. it's three more coming your family. i'll stop if you stop. you went after my job first remember. lets move on from this please. we can work it out. keep your friends and i will keep mine. we can work it out. i promise we can.

Biff said...

I love you too. and am also spitting and laughing like a fucking lunatic. Bravo.

Michael said...

Kitten, they created you so you could be a Persian cat without long hair, but what they didn't predict was you sticking your fucking head out of that bed and making a face which is pretty much the worst thing I've ever seen"
------------------
michael.gentry

"dofollow"> Persian Cats

Alex said...

OMG hahahahahahaha this is sooooo funny!!!!Your really good at telling animals whats what!!!!HAHAHAHA

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Ann Sterzinger said...

'Emerson Marks said...

Croosbed kittens? I recognise that miserable little fucker, and get this, he's got the gaul to get other people to clean up his shit.
February 26, 2009 12:22 PM '

OK, Emerson, I realize that it's perfectly possible that the English called gall gall in order to reflect their animosity toward the French out of spite, but in no way should folk etymology go so far as to actually try to change the modern-day spelling to 'gaul.'
OH, and FU, kitten.

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