Friday, February 13, 2009

Mailbags are not your personal limo, Otter

>>ANIMALS IN THE NEWS WEEK<<
One of the more tragic recent instances of humans being forced to do the bidding of cute animals took place in Scotland last month. After finding a defenseless mailman on the side of the road, this otter sneakily convinced the man to give her a personal fucking tour of Scotland, before bringing her home and feeding her a bunch of salmon every day! This further cements the otter threat in Scotland, which has been growing for some time now. At this point, Scottish people are slaves to the otters, and soon residents will be legally obligated to carry salmon on them at all times. I'm not saying this to be provocative, I'm just being realistic, seeing as this otter has proven to be an unstoppable, salmon-eating, kitten-befriending force.

I'm sorry, my Scottish friends. Stay strong. And to you, Otter, you have ruined my Friday. I hope you choke on that salmon I sent you.

64 comments:

Steve said...

How dare he be so cute!!!

The Cheap-Arse Film Critic said...

I have nothing witty to even atempt to say. That's just fucking adorable.

Walter said...

First England and now Otters. Scotland is really getting the shaft.

Hello Pineapples! said...

Damn those otters! Will they stop at nothing to spread their cuteness?

Tim McNutt said...

So you're telling me that we're about 2-3 years away from Mel Gibson making Braveheart 2: Rise of the Otter?

PersonalFailure said...

Otters have clearly surpassed chipmunks for devious cuteness. Beware!

melouise said...

Someone otter teach this lil squirt who's da boss!

That said: oooo, wuzzawuzza, who's da widdle cutiepie?

Mame said...

He's so damn cute I could drop kick his sweet ass right into the Loch Ness.

G double dash LOC said...

This otter has taken "Scottish Rite" to a whole new level!

M@ said...

ALMOST as cute as a little baby penguin (in my opinion).

Meeg said...

Will you nae be toting me around in your sack?

di said...

Since I developed diabetes just looking at that picture, I'll be sending you my medical bills, Otter. Jerk.

Melody sez said...

That there otter will probably never have any of those heart problems that people get to get, because on the account of all of that salmon that that otter gets to eat all the time! Of this, I am pretty sure of!

drollgirl said...

GO TEAM OTTER. fuck the humans. and the salmon.

Jezebel said...

Nice going Otter. Where does it end Otter? How low can one creature stoop? Stop being an asshole,Otter, get over your cute self already. Jeez.

Bing said...

otter. you win. i lose. the dark void opens.

Keegan Orange said...

I am dangerously close to falling victim to this otter's cuteness.

Will said...

Oh god.

I've said some very bad things about animals on this blog.

But this otter makes me take it all back.

I'm in love. Baby otters, adult otters, otters otters otters.

Otters, let me count the ways!

Kafka Stole My Bike said...

Hahaha- the joke is on you otter: I don't even like salmon! I almost feel sorry for that cat, but then I noticed his adorable white fur and cute little paws. ARGH!

Cute animals playing together makes me want to scoop out my eyes with my yogurt spoon.

Punk- you're well on your way to spoiling my Friday morning....

HC said...

Orla the otter is the sweetest thing evah...

patience said...

This otter is destroying my soul.

Erin said...

Heart...melting...send...help...

Bobby Rockit said...

Don't the Scots have it bad enough? Haggis. Bagpipes. Kilts. Now this?!? I HATE this cruel world!!!!

Mother Nature, you are a whore to let this blight go unchecked!!!

nathieatvia said...

Fuck you and your adowable wittle paws Otter! You hear me! Fuck you!

Dunesdreamer said...

I'm Scottish, and this is craaaap!

Dr. No said...

Oh, that explains the otter shit all over my haggis shipment..as if it wasn't disgusting enough already. Fuck you otter.

Aunt Reeny's After Thoughts said...

Instead of Scotch meatpie, maybe they can make Otter pies, that would take care of the population....

Tanya said...

I've been avid Fuck you Penguin fan for some time now, and while many of the animals are cute and cuddly, I have also seen the errors of their ways.

Otter, you have broken me. You have forced a poor mailman to carry you cross country and spend 15 pounds a day so you can have fresh salmon but I just can't find it in me to hate you.

Damn you, Otter! I thought I was stronger than this.

OzarkTroutBum said...

The Scottish are the lowest of the low. The scum of the fucking Earth! The most wretched, miserable, servile, pathetic trash that was ever shat into civilization. Some hate the Otters. I don't. They're just wankers. They, on the other hand, are SUBJUGATED by wankers. Can't even find a decent species to be subjugated BY. We're ruled by effete assholes. It's a SHITE state of affairs to be in, Tommy, and ALL the fresh air in the world won't make any fucking difference!

To the Scottish: CHOOSE LIFE!!!!

Maggie Monroe said...

Get over yourself, otter!!

Cindy said...

I'm at a loss. The baby otter is CUTE.

Not With a Whimper said...

You think life is all cute faces and neck bubs and tummy rubs, Otter Baby?

Huh?

I'm talking to you!

Well, it isn't.

Not by a long, or even by a short shot.

It's cold and hard.

I used to get all sorts of affection when I was a mere slip of a lad, Otter Boy.

It was all, "Oh, isn't he a sweetie pie." And "My, he looks just like a poached egg."

But that all changed, Otter Baby.

Now all I get is "Move along, buster" and "Get your hands off my ass, perve."

Cold world.

You'll see, smug and complacent Otter baby.

You'll see.

hi said...

yes! you mustve known two things about me. 1 - it's my birthday. 2 - otters are my least favourite animal in the entire world

garth2 said...

look out. the next assault is here: http://www.zooborns.com/zooborns/2009/02/sf-zoos-baby-gorilla-needs-a-name.html

yarravillewahine said...

That's adorable! Like that film "Ring of Bright Water" or was it "Watership Down"? No, wait, don't they all die in the end of that one? Anyway, that is really Cute Overload

hirakendu said...

;-)

MotorWeek Sucks said...

This otter is a fucking douche.

Insults said...

Hmm, he looks proper evil.

goeastyoungwomantodubai said...

THAT is deplorable.

Bet he has fish breath!

Keenan Schneider said...

And, of course, all of this media exposure is just putting one more nail in the coffin. Once the Otter party feels as though it has a firm backing from the news corporations, they'll stage a coup, and the next thing we know, Scotland will officially be changing its name to "Salmonville" and all the people will be forced to live in wildlife ponds.

Aeroentropy said...

I'm sorry. Teh Cute.

cdninus said...

Wow. I cannot believe that no one has yet commented on the most eye-opening part of that article: they sell kitten milk at Tesco? are you fucking kidding me? in what aisle? unnecessarily adorable dairy products? Or wait...unless it's milk made with or from kittens...that's not so cute. but either way, it's weird and ought to be investigated immediately by someone near a Tesco.

duckncvr said...

Otters AND kittens? Fuck right off. Also, a kitten named Kevin, *kitten milk*, otter-belly rubbing and a Scottish accent? Consider yourself off my feed reader, FUP. Thanks.

Technogeekboy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Technogeekboy said...

What the heck is "kitten milk?" Can you actually purchase the milk of mother cats? Do they use wee pumps to extract it? Do we know the full effects of otters slowly being turned into kittens? I think I just had a stroke?

Al of Oz said...

fuking ottos

Michael J. Kaplan said...

um, I'm sorry . . .I can't think of a single snarky thing to say. This picture absolutely melted me. I'm weak. Pathetic. I know. Go. Run Luke Run. Leave me behind. I'm making this my desk top photo right now!

[ J ] said...

Dear Otter,

Who the fuck do you think you are?


Regards,
Everyone

EggOfTheDead said...

"I will crush you like a clam on my tummy!"

Is what I would say if I were an otter.

Keefus said...

Note in the video report, the involvement of the local Tesco.

Is there no lows Tesco will not stoop to, to enslave the population of our fair Isles?

Bastards.

natsuki said...

You know Otters will eat cats and small dogs. I'm just saying that potentially, the Otter is only befriending the kittens to EAT THEM.

Kai said...

Otters are a seriously underestimated menace. You think an otter that size can make you do its bidding, just try getting up close to a sea otter. There is no resisting that shit.

Pen Pen said...

cuteness overload!!!!!!!

Kati said...

That was the most horrifying video I've ever seen. Seriously I think I need to leave work early and start drinking.

sarah said...

i love you, angry blogger.

peter.w said...

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By_Karizma said...

Oh, thank you Sesli sohbet for sharing! I'm in the midst of wedding planning, Camfrog 18 Odalar and both my fiance and I are NOT cake lovers, and can't imagine spending hundreds of dollars on one dessert we don't even like! Forum | Video | Site Map We're planning on doing a buffet of family recipes Sohbet Ruleti, Chat Ruleti pies, cookies, cheesecake, etc - and some of our favorite candies in apothecary jars :) I love to see that
others are SesliSohbet, Sesli Sohbet thinking out of the [cake] box, too!