Thursday, February 5, 2009

Take the broccoli. Leave my dignity.


Why, Hamster, why? I am but one poor soul, trying to make my way in the world. I do what every decent citizen is supposed to do. I call my grandmother on her birthday. I recycle whenever there is a recycling bin on my side of the room. For a living, I run a modest blog, where every morning I get up and try to give a little back to the world.

So why do you have to be such a soul-crushing asshole? It's just broccoli, Hamster, I'm not really sure why you are all "Broccoli?! Wow, I never expected broccoli!" Everyone knows hamsters love broccoli. You are not fooling anyone. So my only guess as to why you are making that face is that you are actively trying to destroy me. Well fuck you, Hamster. Because I've got the broccoli now. Or something. Shut up.

Please just go.

72 comments:

KBMarty said...

Screw off, Hamster. Get in your pathetic little wheel and run. As if THAT will get you anywhere!

alntv said...

Damn meeces...

Walter said...

It' such a nutritious vegetable. Hamsters think they know more about nutrition than us by liking broccoli more. Fucking dirt bags. Go back to nutrtition school, you asshole, because I don't see you eating any spinach.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Freddie Starr ate my hamster.

James Woe said...

my lover used to smear me in broccoli and cheese, and then tongue the morsels from my green smattered skin in slow delicate licks.
my lover was a hamster.
i am crying as i type this, too much sadness.
not enough melted velveeta.
oh hamster, how i long to shave you.

HC said...

Just eat that broccoli hamster. It's healthy you know.

kimber p said...

It's not the hamster that bugs me so much. It's the ass munch who is feeding the little hamster with a spoon.

That is just fuckin wrong. Like his smooshy little head isn't big enough...

Movement2 said...

I bet you could give a shit about the broccoli. You will just eat it so you can gnaw on that spoon. I've seen that dumb look on your face before. It means, "Get that green shit out my face, so I can chew on the spoon." I'm sick of your stupid
"I want to use my incisors" looks, fucking Hamster.

Tanya said...
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Tanya said...

Here you are, Hamster, tricking us with your "i'm just too cute and fluffy" attitude and aura. I know what your really like. I remember all too well when my childhood hamster ate my other hamster's tail and nearly mauled it to death. Funny, she looked a lot like you.

Fuck you, Hamster.

Tim McNutt said...

Way to take a picture with your mouth hanging open, perv. It looks like you're trying to get ready for a hamster glory hole. I'm pretty sure I just saw your Casual Encounters post on Craig's List....furry 3 inch "bottom" seeks gentle "top" for sensual experience, must love green vegetables, NS/ND, 420 friendly!

Hamster, you make me sick.

M@ said...

He lacks like no one never gave him nothin'.

El-oh-el.

scrambledheads said...
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scrambledheads said...

Have you not seen the Koala who's just mocking the whole site http://www.flickr.com/photos/34511902@N06/3249221794/in/set-72157613289899182/

Kafka Stole My Bike said...

Whats that look for, Hampster? It's almost like you're waiting for a nice, silver spoon. Well guess what! I only bring those out when I have company! Or when I'm too lazy to start the dishwasher!

Just eat your fucking broccoli, you smug punk.

Jezebel said...

Seriously, hamster? Do you really think your mind games are gonna work? Well, hamster, you can take your stupid broccoli and shove it where the sun don't shine because I DON'T CARE. Asswipe.

Kurt said...

I think right after this picture was taken he traded out the broccoli for heroin.

Why, Hamster? Why?

Insults said...

Eat the brocolli you little bastard!

BluHipo said...

omg that first hamster picture in the links looks like a hamster pinup from the 1950s.

Will said...

Oh hell no. You think I'm not gonna pull a Richard Gere on this little furry fuck?

SAY HELLO TO THE BAD PLACE MOTHERFUCKER

Mame said...

Try not to crap on the table cloth, jerk.

Dunesdreamer said...

When all is said and done, hamster, you are still just a furry little rodent. A grain-eating, fuck-every-five-minutes-and-drop-eight-million-babies-a-year rodent.

Where's my cat?

cassaundra said...

damn you, hamster!
why the hell do you look so surprised?
eat your broccoli!

watchyalookinat said...

What the fuck hamster? Who do you think you are? Do you realize that you are VERMIN? You're all like "oh, I'll just have a little broccoli...I'm watching my girlish figure." What a fuck you are. I bet you binged and ate a whole fucking box of Dunkin Donuts and then purged right before you 'posed' for this bullshit shot in all your slender glory. Fuck you hamster. I hope you choke on your laxatives.

Jeff Wilk said...

Don't you have about 2397 sunflower seeds to jam into your cheeks or something? Stop standing there like an idiot. Eat the fricking broccoli and go run in your wheel, jerk.

ummmmheyyyy said...

Oh, and thanks for escaping your cage and eating the cover off of my library book in the second grade.

Carrie said...

Um, are we sure that's not a gerbil?

Misha said...

Maybe it's broccolini...

Steph said...

I had a comment, but then I read James Woe's and realized my comment was too inferior.

Tara Rabeumdeay said...

OMG. That hamster is deadly. I think my heart stopped for a second.

That's just fatal type cute.

melouise said...

Agreed, steph- I will forever sob in the dairy aisle for poor James Woo and his doomed, forbidden love.

Broccoli will never taste the same again. It will be too salty for my tears.

karenmarie said...

yeah, well, that hamster's nothing ...

lemurs are now claiming to be your cousin.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/africaandindianocean/madagascar/1495907/Out-of-the-rainforest-a-mouse-sized-link-to-Man.html

Melody sez said...

According to my opinion, the lesser amount of broccoli farts in this big beautiful world, the better!

Steve said...

haha what a brilliant blog idea

kodiakgriff said...

Hmmmm, broccoli stuffed hamster. Perhaps smothered in a fine cheese sauce. Couple that with a glass of Cabernet and you got one tasty dish!
F-U PETA
G.

C said...

awwwwwwwww your lil friend the hamster is just fucking adorable! i love your sense of humor in this blog but i HATE when people make comments that are about hurting animals or eating them... whatever, fun is fun, but some people go too far and i find it inhumane. come on people, lighten the fuck up. lets just have fun with this blog, after all, the point is to put these guys in their place, but in a fun loving fashion.

Laughing Soul said...

So you think you can just sit there and watch the broccoli huh hamster? Well screw you, there are starving voles somewhere just dying for some tiny baby trees!

Irlandese said...

Oh.My.Goddish.^^^James Woe, that is some funny shit...I'm still LMAO here.

hirakendu said...

;-)

Roxie said...

broccoli has an i.q. of 10.
You monstrously adorable hamster.

Roxie said...
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jojo said...

please teach this douche bag a lesson.

http://www.news.com.au/gallery/0,23607,5037288-5007150-4,00.html

MotorWeek Sucks said...

Hamsters are delicious.

ser5022 said...
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ser5022 said...

Hamsters also love POPCORN.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELWh1utCaVg

And Kittehs also love Broccoli.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQi3q-Nf9wA

Aana said...

I like broccoli...and 75% of my hamsters have died. I have had four. One: killed and ate Pinky One: was killed and eaten One: died of its on accord
One: suicide.

michaelscomments said...

See, the thing is, broccoli gives hamsters gas. That's their trick. They eat broccoli just to fart at you, and be unpleasant, and they think you will never get wise to their little scheme. They think you will just leave them alone, and not stomp on them like a bug.

I know better. Oh yes I do.

~E said...

Im always nervously suspicious of anything that small and that cute.

Tony Robots said...

You know this isn't very funny anymore, don't you? I can kind of tell you know.

goeastyoungwomantodubai said...

Can everyone say a prayer to their God for the animals in the bushfires in Australia.

We lost 11 people next to my home town yesterday in the worst possible way. And who knows how many native animals, farm animals and pets.

Julie said...

Obviously the problem is the spoon. It's just not gonna work for his stupid little hamster mouth. He needs a hamster sized spoon, then I think he'll drop is attitiude.

Kristine said...

You're just trying to be a good person, and all this little buttmunch has to do is look at the camera and he feels like he's made the world a better place. I hate him for you.

Insults said...

Go swivvle, you little prick hamster

Kelly the Pugilist said...

I think you are being pretty hard on that hamster for making what could only be described as a moderate whingeface. God only knows where he's been. Does the name Lemmiwinks mean anything to you? Maybe he wants a decent meal after a fortnight of trying to escape from Mr. Slave's puckered anus.

http://www.getwhinging.blogspot.com/

Walt said...

THIS is why I don't eat brocolli in bed. Rat Bastard, don't crap on my sheets!!

Dr. Jay SW said...

Damn, I remember the hamsters we had as a kid...or maybe they were gerbils...is there really any difference between different brands of snake food? Anyway, there was just this constant rape cycle going on in our kitchen as the male kept chasing the female, who ran screaming all around their little plastic enclosure....

Face it, man, there is no fucking dignity....

Evil Monk said...

Why is Thursday the last day anything's been posted?

Don't you know that amidst the dross and hatefulness I encounter daily on the internet, this is my ray of sunshine?

Please continue to order the auto-fornication of Aptenodytes forsteri...

Jim said...

Pox upon you, Rodent. I hope you scurry up the wrong Habitrail tube... In San Francisco. Be warned, sphincter spelunker... I got friends who breed Boa's, if ya get my drift.

KILLERPUSSYCAT said...

SILENCE!!!! I..... KEEL.... YOU.... FURRY PANCAKE!!

Deaner said...

I just found this blog... absolutely hilarious!

fay said...

HA! Hamsters and broccoli, funny!

Sarah said...

Are you gonna waste that?
There's starving hamsters in China, you selfish jerk!

peter.w said...

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<$$x3YadiiBiishh said...

DAT HAMSTER IS CUTE U GUYS ARE ALL ASSHOLES YA SUM MEAN ASS PEOPLE WID NOO FUXCKIN HEARTTT YAA CAN KISSS MA ASS I HOPE DHA HAMSTRER BITEZ YA STANKK ASSSESS YA SUM TRASHH ALL YAA MOFOSS DHA THINK CUTE ANIMALSS ARE UGLYY N SHIDD YA NEEDAA LOOK IN DHA MIRRORR LYKE REALLY PPLZ .?

<$$x3YadiiBiishh said...

FUXCKK YHUU PPL U GUYS DNTT HVE A LIFEE DAT HAMSTERR IS CUTEE SUMTHIN WRONG WID YA IF YA THINK CUTE ANIMALS R UGLYY YA NEEDA LOOK IN DHA MIRROR BCUZ DHAT HAMSTERR ISS SO CUTEE SO FXCK YAA I HOPE DHA HAMSTERR BITESZ YA UGLYY MOFOS IN DHA ASS YAA SUM STANK ASS PPL