Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Why do you hate poor children, Loris?


You sick fuck. It's funny to make fun of those kids on the charity television commercials? Is that what you're saying with your big droopy eyes and your sad little face? Because a bunch of people were going to send them 5 cents a day, but then you showed them how easy it is to fake and they're starting to question the kids' authenticity.

Does that make you happy, Slender Loris? I bet it does, you child-hating bastard. You know, humor is a delicate thing. You are not supposed to just fling it around, making innocent creatures who cannot defend themselves the butt of your jokes. PICK ON SOMEONE YOUR OWN GENUS, LORIS.

Jesus Christ, some animals have no self-awareness.

49 comments:

Jackie said...

Christian Children's Fund meet Loris. Thanks to him I'm spending my 95 cents a day on coffee again.

*Nic* said...

What a bastard.

Walter said...

And look at the stupid, stupid nose. Hey Loris, get a real nose, why don't you. It looks like you constantly have a cold.

Movement2 said...

Hey Loris, When you ride your motorcycle, do your eyes become caked with bugs? You probably like that, don't you? Yummy bugs.

Insults said...

No insight at all, this one. Little c***.

Justin said...

And what's worse, I didn't know you existed until I read this post! Learn how to politely introduce yourself, LORIS! I DON'T LIKE BEING AVOIDED.

Mame said...

Loser Loris! You're no better than a stinking kinkajou!

Jezebel said...

I'm so sick of your BULLSHIT Lorus!
I am sickened by your lack of compassion. I'd like to poke a needle in your dinner plate sized eyeball!

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Dammit Loris! I NEED that 5 cent! Why the hell are sabotaging me? Huh Loris? Huh?

Yeah I will get more money then you with MY eyes. Yeah, what you think of that Loris? Nothing? Yeah...respect.

spy_j said...

Why do you put a Loris in a blender feet first?

So you can watch those eyes get even bigger when you turn the blender on.

Fuck you, Loris

G double dash LOC said...

Lay of the 'shrooms bud.

Dunesdreamer said...

Any decent safety or cornerback knows you are about to catch the pass, Loris...get ready to take a really big hit in that smug little face. And next time, wear a helmet, dumbass.

Tim McNutt said...

It's National Signing Day so even this pathetic creature can't get me riled up. Where's your scholarship offer Loris? What was that, you didn't get one? Fucking shocker there since you have no football skills. Today is about high school athletes going to college, not your self-centered ass!

Tee said...

My mothers name is Doris...I hate her name even more now than I did before.

louise said...

If this was like some postmodern metropolis, I would defiantly literally fuck your words.
That didnt make any sense. I think i'm still pissed. I should have just led with an "I like you"

JacquelineNicole said...

Fuck this thing looks like it came out of a fucking Dr.Seuss book.

alexlady said...

I hate Lorises more than I hate Precious Moments Figurines. What's next? Are you gonna show up with a little snowglobe and try to get me to shake you? Back off, jerkface.

Jeff said...

Those little nubs don't count as opposable thumbs! Can you use a tool? I don't fucking think so loris.

Melody sez said...

I am now thinking that all the causes I get from my friends on facebook are not very authentic now! Now I do not know what to do about it on facebook! Do I now never at any time accept any facebook request stuff now?!
I now feel like Piglet! Oh strepsirrhine primate of the subfamily Lorinae in family Lorisidae was it worth it?!

True Blue Liberal said...

Where can I send my 5¢-a-day to make sure that li'l loris stays well fed with a shiny coat .. uh. unh ... I mean .. Fuck You Loris!!

Jeannie Rose and Caleb John said...

fuck off loris,
you'll never be as cute as me,
bambi

Jon Strongly said...

Whats with the stink eye Loris?

Fuck off and die and then shut up!

KBMarty said...

Let's all sing the chorus to "Pop Goes the Loris"?

Aunt Reeny's After Thoughts said...

I LOVE sites dedicated to angry love, it makes me so mad and happy at the same time - total conflict of emotions :)

The Snob said...

omg his fur looks so soft and prettyyyy!!! awww cute loris... i mean, stupid little shithead loris.

Katie said...

Who do you think you're staring at wish those bugout eyes! Stop staring me Loris!

You make me sick with your selfish child-hating ways!

Mrs.Chattypants said...

OMG!!I love, love your posts!! I have never laughed so hard. I even christened my laptop with my diet coke, just so you know. You may need to post a disclaimer, for people like me, at the top about not drinking when reading the posts. Just as a courtesy to the computer of course. Love the clothing line!!! Great stuff!!!
Christine

ummmmheyyyy said...

I just had deja vu. After reading the "Genus" line. This is not me saying that this post seems like a post you've done before. This is me saying that I just had legit BLOG DEJA VU.

oh life.

hannahhhh said...

you should look at the slow loris.... even more ridiculous than the slender loris

michaelscomments said...

For several years, my wife and I have been sponsoring this kid with big eyes in Haiti named Senio St. Jules through another Christian charity -- Compassion International.

He sends us really sweet letters. We felt good about this, especially after Haiti, and Senio's family, were severely battered by a hurricane, and we felt we could help.

Well, thanks to Loris, I now realize this was all just a crock, a big scam to rip off gullible Americans. Thank you, Loris, and fuck you, Senio, you little parasite prick. Your free ride is over. Get a job, prick. Game over.

Brain said...

I really need you to tell off this koala. He can NOT get away with this.

http://jezebel.com/5146381/happy-hump-day

Irlandese said...

He ain't making fun of sick kids on charity teevee commercials, are ya, Loris, my man?? He's haunted by the vision of Sally Stuthers big ol' hind end coming to snuff his ass for that lousy nickel. Sheesh.

shannon lee said...

haha. love this blog. awesome.

Laughing Soul said...

God Damnit Loris. The only thing you provide to this world is shame, and Gigantic landing pad eyes so insects have something to feed off of. Sweet sweet eye nectar.
Ass

gibsongirl said...

I want to own you, Loris. In fact I want to own you and several of your Loris friends. I want to dress you all up and be loved by you. That won't happen though because you're too damned "good" to be somebody's pet. Why can't you love me back?

hirakendu said...

;-)

cermedes said...

Hey Loris, is that a nose or a nipple on your face? Either way, its extremely unsightly. And while we're on the subject, nice job on your name rhyming with a part of the female anatomy, but I think I liked the joke the first time I saw it on Seinfeld. Copy cat Mother F***er!

Tess said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
alntv said...

Dude...this shit is FUNNY! LOL

Shannyannon said...

Loris - a.k.a. King of the Evil Eye

peter.w said...

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dm60462 said...

Loris goes straight to video with cute antics, bypasses local theaters
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9f-6jygRJk&feature=player_embedded

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well, at least this isn't the dreaded slow loris, a little bigger version also heavy on the noxious cute with its damn metallic eyed you silly solitary nocturnal forager...I could spit.

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