Monday, March 30, 2009

At least I exist, pretty boy

>>FANTASY ANIMAL WEEK<<

What makes you so great, Unicorn? It just seems like you are a horse with some superglue, big fucking deal. Oh you're on posters all over the walls of pre-teen girls? Seriously, Unicorn, how's that working out for Corey Haim? And the fact that you can neutralize poison with your horn, DOESN'T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO ONLY EXIST IN DREAMS.

By the way, the director's cut of Blade Runner? Were you only in that because of some contractual obligation? It made no sense, Unicorn. You need to have a serious conversation with your agent.

67 comments:

The Cheap-Arse Film Critic said...

Unicorns.

Christ.

Clicky Overload said...

Hahaha!
I just HAVE to say it out loud:
FUCK YOU, UNICORN!

Kurt said...

No animal is more fuck-upedder than you, you fucking narwal-horn-mistaking son of a bitch.

*Nic* said...

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

Nikki said...

Unicorns are like the devil only they have a horse dick.

Anjee Lou said...

C'mon, Unicorn. Even a lifetime's worth of posing for purple-and-pink Lisa Frank stickers couldn't make us forget your role in the movie Legend. It's been two decades, and where has that movie gotten anyone? Tom Cruise is bat-shit crazy now, and you STILL DON'T EXIST.

Melody sez said...

These unicorns are here to help and give us hope! I think that unicorns are nice! They are nice just like horses! I do not know why they are called unicorns though.

Pizza Girl said...

Fuck you unicorns. Just because I tried to catch one of you to kill you and drink your blood so I could live forever doesn't mean that you can prance around in front of me, showing off your speed and uncatchability.

Doublebanker said...

At least there isn't an extra point somewhere else...

http://dailygifblog.com/

DB

garrito said...

I'm going to close my eyes. When I open 'em, you better be gone or it's the imaginary glue factory for you.

Phil Bennett said...

yeah...I agree!!

Fuck you horse with the dildo glued to your forehead. And the fairy God damned mother fucker that tells little girls that they are a princess? Fuck you too!!

Thank you for letting me vent,

Phil

gregoryyy said...

Show Off.......

Insults said...

I wouldnt pick my arse with his stupid hat.

rob-t-firefly said...

Blade Runner was originally a movie entirely about unicorns. But they didn't test well at all in focus groups, so some studio exec came up with the bright idea to cover up Ridley Scott's awful, horrible picture with a bunch of random sci-fi future crap.

Not a lot of people know that.

BeckEye said...

I used to love unicorns until they started cavorting around with Tom Cruise. What an asshole thing to do.

Lillian Wey said...

Dick.

susan said...

My son was born with a pointy head. It does make him very special.

Joan of Argghh! said...

Obama can fart rainbows. Can you, Unicorn?

Didn't think so.

My Little Pony wannabe.

HC said...

So faking gracious...

The Mouse said...

I'm pretty sure that the fact that he can neutralize poison with his horn means he has a moral obligation to exist outside of the dream world. I mean, seriously dude.

Bing said...

i met a unicorn once, and he was a douche.

[ J ] said...

Dear Unicorn,

Shadowfax is MUCH better than you. Get off your high horse.



Regards,
Everyone
http://regardseveryone.blogspot.com/

Jezebel said...

Unicorn get the hell out of here. You better run Unicorn! Cause when I catch up with you I'm snapping that horn off and it's shish kebab time!

rachelmatosblog said...

this unicorn is arching his back ... que fresco!

di said...

Well at least it's not a pegasus. Six appendages? REALLY?

Dr Zibbs said...

Gayest animal ever.

And speaking of gay, check out my latest post where I've been straight bashed.

Nicole oh-so Lovely said...

completely overrated in Harry Potter....why was he even in that???

Must be British....must be friends with Sir Elton John

cheerio,
www.yourbabyisanasshole.com

Mo said...

Exactly. LOVE this.

Dunesdreamer said...

(Note: Obscure Shel Silverstein/Irish Rovers reference ahead!)

If you would have only heeded Noah's call and gotten on the Ark, dumbass, you and your ilk would be prancing around the world to this day.

NatD said...

I had a random dream last night in which my husband WAS a unicorn, who then transformed into a man.

Way to go, Unicorn. Thanks a fucking lot!

Ville said...

Unicorn, you're just a colossal dick head.

jennifer said...

I dont think that worked out too well for Corey Haim. Watch yourself Unicorn, or your the next unwanted guest at Feldman's house!

Bakso Bandit said...

Whats with the mane..man? Crimps?? You seriously need a GHD dude.

kathleen duey said...

Well, this one looks like a jerk,arrogant and photoshopped to make him look taller and thinner and with that stupid paint-on texture on his horn.

But the one I interviewed for a story I was asked to write told me stuff that astounded me. The truth is much worse than all the things you have said here.

Not just arrogant and silly. They are dangerous. Spread the word.

Allgaul said...

Fantasy Animal Week? I have a reason to wake up happy again!
Oh and Unicorn? Stay out of my dreams so I CAN wake up happy.

Breeny said...

Unicorns don't even EXIST! I don't even know how you got a PHOTO!!

hirakendu said...

;)

ginsoak said...

Not to be a total tool, but this is one of the best posts, and I feel EXTREMELY compelled to repost the same sentiment:

"Shadowfax is MUCH better than you. Get off your high horse."

Reposted from:
http://regardseveryone.blogspot.com/

Wildwoods Retreat said...

So many things that don't exist ~ really do. Just look at the government for god's sake. Why would a Unicorn be any different? In fact, the Unicorn is probably on the FBI informant payroll. The end of innocence as we once knew it....thanks a lot FUP!

Dr. Jay SW said...

You KNOW where you can stick that horn...fuckin' unicorn....

Stacey said...

No way. I'm sorry, but I got to stand up for the unicorn. They are the most majestic fucking animals ever (whether in reality or in dreams). Anyone who hates on unicorns can fucking burn in hell with the heartless cum-suckers like them. Prance on unicorn. Prance the fuck on.

Evil Monk said...

Where are the skittles it purportedly shits?

I want my Fucking SKITTLES you hack!

Devika said...

This is too much. It took my hours to get over the amazement. AH!

The Jules said...

I'm not a fan of imaginary animals like unicorns and tapirs.

Just too fanciful.

exapologist said...

Unicorns: like horses, but hornier.

Quercus said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Fragrant Liar said...

Gorgeous. Where can I get me one?

Ashley said...

You need to make a book! NOW!!!!!

Ji Hyun said...

Hey I thought you might be interested in this page.

http://www.desicolours.com/is-there-anything-cuter-than-this/04/02/2009

Thanks for the laughs. I love baby animals but you do have a point!

mediainn said...

It's not a unicorn. It's a fucking unihorn. There's no fucking corn. How can it be a fucking unicorn when there's no corn? It's a fucking horn. Given that it doesn't fucking exist anyway, who fucking cares? I don't.

Sincerely,

Tom

MonaLisa said...

Oh, fer Cryssakes! A fuckin' UNICORN?!? Are you SHITTIN' ME???

There are no virgins here for YOU, you spikey-headed freak. Go! Go now before... what're you doing? Don't... GET BACK!! DO NOT NUZZLE ME WITH YOUR WARM, VELVETY-SOFT MUZZLE!!

(*...aww....*)

Candy's daily Dandy said...

The dreams of thousands of tween girls have been shattered by this post.

Unicorn-outer..

charissimo said...

I'm sending you a bill for some new underwear because I piss myself laughing every time I read this blog.

Gapbody Mediums - low rise bikini, in case you were wondering.

Kathy with a K said...

Wait a second here...is that Unicorn's mane actually crimped?? So, what- he's planning on hitting Studio 54 after the photo shoot? The 70's called, Fancy Boy, and they want their crappy hairstyle back.

Bex said...

No. No. You know what? Fuck YOU, FUP. You got us used to daily posts and now suddenly you're not delivering. What, are you too busy to think of something funny? Or maybe you think that you've fun out of adorable animals to yell at?

WELL GUESS WHAT, FUP, THERE ARE THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF SPECIES, AND IT'S PRETTY LAME THAT YOU'RE LETTING THEM GET AWAY WITH THEIR BULLSHIT.

Get on the fucking ball, FUP. Get on the ball, or suffer.

Scandalous Housewife said...

I love rainbow unicorns with silky ribbons bareback

killerchris40 said...

I'm pretty sure that unicorns are significant in the Blade Runner Directors Cut. The Harrison Ford Character really is an android, his past is made up. We know this because he keeps dreaming of unicorns. At the end of the flick, the other blade runner has figured all this out and leaves a unicorn in his trial to signify that he knows Harrison Ford's secret 'past.' Its great and subtle film making.

Vanessa said...

Corey Haim, HA!

Dave said...

I work in a diner. Unicorns are shitty tippers. This I know is true.

byron m boon said...

Excuse me. EXCUSE ME.

The unicorn in Bladerunner makes perfect sense. I'll explain this simply.

1. Deckard dreams of the unicorn.

2. Gaff places a unicorn at his apartment at the end. How can Gaff know that Deckard dreams of unicorns unless...

3. Deckard's memories are also pre-programmed.

4. Deckard = replicant.

golublog said...

Aww unicrons are my favorite though.

Donald said...

If Unicorns don't exist, how is my panda bear riding one as we speak?

platypusrex256 said...

brilliant.

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