Monday, March 2, 2009

Check out Kenny G over here


Oh, wow, stellar performance there, hot shot. I forgot how people are always saying "You have got to go to the aquarium to hear the music, they are really tearing shit up over there." Next stop, the Times Square subway station, right? Okay now, don't even tell me you think you can play saxophone, Walrus. Last time I checked you needed distinguishable digits to use the keys, asshole.

And dude, you have got to calm down a little bit. You might want to stay for the rest of the show. Do you see dolphins or whales playing instruments? No, they just jump up out of the ocean and get fish. Instant gratification, Walrus. No need to act like the ugly girl, you have a mustache and little tusks. You are hilarious! I mean, Jesus Christ, Walrus, INSTEAD OF HANDS YOU HAVE FLIPPERS. Start respecting yourself, and people will start respecting you.

49 comments:

Joan of Argghh! said...

Kenny G can't play half as well. Fuck Kenny G.

Joan of Argghh! said...

Put some pants on, Mr. Walrus, fer cripes 'n all. You're scaring the children.

Bex said...

Fucking hell, Walrus. Put the snake back in its cage. Kenny G doesn't play with his ding-a-ling out, and neither should you, you cocky fuck.

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

Ridic.

Melissa A. Robinson said...

Start respecting yourself, and people will start respecting you.


Tee hee... giggle giggle....

Oh, Wise, Fuck You Penguin Guy.

Kurt said...

I wish Kenny G. had flippers.

Kennedy Smith said...

It's Bill Clinton. On, like, three levels.

Melissa said...

Bwa ha ha ha.... Bill Clinton.... Ha ha ha ha

Melody sez said...

Is slouches way too much! I would think that he should sit up straighter because of breathing!

Z's Wife said...

His wang looks like a ball point pen... I wonder if he can promote that instead of his saxophone skills which clearly suck.

susan r said...

And nice penis-tail, walrus.

Kafka Stole My Bike said...

Freebird! FREEBIRD!!!

Oh, I see walrus. You're too prissy to take requests. I bet you can't even play Slayer on that thing, you elitist prick. I'm so mad now, that when I eventually start to actually in my office, I'm going to crank Raining Blood and think of that elephant that plays piano. I bet HE would take requests...jerk.

cassaundra said...

absurd.

i love it.

Technogeekboy said...

He's just trying to get some hot walrus action. Walrus ladies love that shit. Give him a break, when you're that ugly you do whatever it takes.

gregoryyy said...

Ah,Walrus..did you notice i took your tip hat?!!!!

The one on the floor ,the brand new Kangol??

No?

Well, it was friggin empty.

Jezebel said...

Are you fucking kidding me? A walrus playing a musical instrument? That's probably the most annoying thing I have ever seen. I want to shove it up your bung hole. If I knew where it was. Your bung hole that is. Don't try to turn it around on me walrus! You're the asshole, not me.

HC said...

What a cute show off!

furiousBall said...

i shit bigger tusks than that

Raving MainyYak said...

♫♪♫ "Oh, you fucking penguin singing hari krishna.
Man, you should have seen them kicking edgar allan poe.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob g'goo goo g'joob.
Goo goo g'joob g'goo goo g'joob g'goo.
"

-that's what you would perform if you had any talent you penis popping pinniped.

Mari said...

Hello all! I thought that you'd like to check out the all new online radio station launched by Kenny G himself. It's awesome, here's the link:

http://947thewave.com/pages/3883379.php

Dunesdreamer said...

Shit, I can't even play one instrument, and here is a walrus playing the saxophone and skin-flute...simultaneously.

Fucker.

Mame said...

Great. Now I have something to despise *more* than a flute-playing seal.

I bet he goes by "Charlie Barker."

silverstar98121 said...

Are we sure it's a walrus? Looks more like a Steller Sea Lion to me. Which would account for the stellar performance.

[ J ] said...

Dear Walrus Busker,

Don't quit your day job.

Regards,
Everyone

Peekabag said...

Sure, he can play the sax, but he needs to go work out. Look at those jelly rolls! Maybe if he took up drums, say, he'd get some exercise.

Mercedes said...

Uh, hey dick, guess what? We already have a member of the Order Pinnipedia representin' in the music industry. Perhaps you've heard of him, no? His name is Seal, dick. And he's married to Heidi fucking Klum. Top that, dick.

Movement2 said...

Last time I played sax at the public pool sitting spread eagle sans pants, I got hauled away in a paddy wagon. Why can fucking walruses get away with this? Have they been paying off the cops? Sea mammals are worse than Mafioso.

Irlandese said...

Any self-respecting pinniped going the Full Monty only plays musical instruments whilst in the loo--with the door shut. Thank you.

Bugger.

SweetPeaSurry said...

LMMFAO, Nice!

hirakendu said...

;-)

yarravillewahine said...

Actually I think he's playing the opening bars to "Careless Whispers". "I'm never gonna dance again. Guilty flippers have got no rhythm. Though it's easy to pretend, I know you're not a fool..." I can see it now...

Emerson Marks said...

I suggest this jerk-weasel gets himself down the orthodontist, and pronto. And they say the British have bad teeth.

Wildwoods Retreat said...

Whadda ya think iTunes will charge for the CD?

Insults said...

I bought that fat sax playing fuck a guitar once and do you think he's ever played it? Has he bollocks. Fishy breathed fuck.

Noob Mommy said...

Oh Rus, I'm sorry but this level of degradation is just too much. We will be refunding our Seaworld tickets immediately pending you clean up your act and get off the streets.

ZackDennig said...

look at his little walrus cock...adorable

Julie said...

Walruses have weiners???

spud said...

I'm sorry but how did the whole "I thought that you'd like to check out the all new online radio station launched by Kenny G himself" comment above go unnoticed??

I've just found a rival for this site...

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By_Karizma said...

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others are thinking out of the [cake] box, too!