Wednesday, March 11, 2009

I'm not going to fall for it, Porcupine


Very clever, Porcupine. You want me to catch you, don't you? You might have cute little teeth and a furry belly, but you've got giant quills all over your back, and if I come any closer, I'm going to be in a world of pain unmatched even by what your little porcupine paws are doing to me. You're all "Oh jeez, I can't hold on here much longer, please, don't let me fall and hurt myself." But I'M all "Fuck you, Porcupine."

So nice try, asshole. I'm just going to wait over here. I'm not even going to call the fire department to get you down and knit a trampoline for you to fall onto in case they don't get here in time and also gather some leaves and fruit for you to munch on when you get down because you are probably going to be hungry. Suck on that.

41 comments:

HC said...

I not gonna climb that tree for you, not even if you look at me with your cutest possible face...

ludicrous8 said...

fuck you, porcupine.

Kurt said...

I want to know why you're up there in the first place. porcupine. You on lookout? Something shady is going on here.

Dunesdreamer said...

Every time I see you, porcupine, I am reminded of one of my favorite jokes:

Q: "What's the difference between a porcupine and a(n) ______ (fill in the name of your least favorite car here)?"
A: A porcupine's pricks are on the outside."

Laugh it up, you fucking pincushion.

PersonalFailure said...

That's one smug porcupine.

Walter said...

Wow, way to be an asshole porcupine. Thanks for being born with quills. That's really nice of you...NOT!

Jezebel said...

I can't even believe what I'm seeing, Porcupine! You sure are some kind of scum bag. I would have fallen for your trick, so I guess that makes me an asshole for being seduced by that belly and those teeth. You make me HATE myself. Does that make you happy? Huh? Screw you. Ass.

Jerry T. said...

Not enticing my ass to come up there and rescue your bitch ass, porcupine. My daughters might call me porcupine-head after I get my haircut but that's because *I'm* in *your* head, porcupine. You're not in mine!

mua ha ha ha ha ha ha!

furiousBall said...

i crap pointier things than you for breakfast.

Trixie Bedlam said...

Dunesdreamer's joke reminds me of a similar joke that has always been one of my favorites:

Q: "What's the difference between a porcupine and a(n) ______ (fill in the name of your least favorite car here)?"
A: FUCK YOU, PORCUPINE

Melissa A. Robinson said...

I wish I was covered in quills.

Chelle said...

It's a catapult. I can totally tell. The second you're in his dead-zone, SHWACK. Porcupine in the face. I've seen it a thousand times.

loosegrape said...

What's that Porcupine? You say it's just acupuncture treatment and would never hurt me? Nice try, dickweed. Now go fuck your adorable self.

Will said...

Those jokes are great!

Reminds me of this classic:

Q: Why did the porcupine cross the road?

A: FUCK YOU PORCUPINE!

HAHAHAHAAA

Cherlindrea said...

Chelle, OMG that's so great! You've discovered the porcupine evil plan. Be careful lest it comes after you.

The Girl Next Door said...

Wait. I'd send a rescue squad for porcupine. Made up the the neighbor's cat and their all-night barking dog. Sounds like a plan.

billyjo_the_emu said...

I'm not even going to send you a lovely bottle of wine and thoughtful note telling you that it was lovely to meet you and save your adorable tush.
So suck it.

Funny in my mind said...

Run, don't walk to the dentist, those teeth are filthy! (and some braces would be nice. But you ARE cute and you could hurt me so I won't force you.

Keg said...

That porcupine is such a dick.

akfireweed said...

It's all fun and games until you put an eye out, porcupine.

exapologist said...

Your claws and spiky exterior are impressive and intimidating. But what have they gotten you? You've barricaded yourself from the world, so that no one can get to know your soft and cuddly underbelly. Way to think it through, porcupine.

Dr. No said...

I did knit a porcupine trampoline. And you know what? The fucker landed in it...it took me 9 hours to untangle that wad of quills and yarn. Never again procupine...you unappreciative fuck.

yellowdog granny said...

he's a spy....fuckem

Lia said...

Oh sure, you're just trying to suck me in with your cute innocent act, and then, wham, quills all stuck in my hands!

Wes said...

Prick.

uosuaq said...

That thing is so the-opposite-of-cute that I wouldn't even find it a girlfriend after it fell into the knitted trampoline and then tenderly watch it raise a family of utterly-not-cute little prickly balls of so-very-not-cuteness. So that would be an EPIC FAIL, Porcupine. I'm crossposting this pic to failporcupines.com as we speak.

Wildwoods Retreat said...

I know this guy. There's more than a little cash under the vet's table for every dog he sends into the office ~ quill removal. He's greedy, mean shmuck. The fuck is up in that tree searching for his next victim.

[ J ] said...

Dear Porcupine,

More like PRICKupine.

Jerk.


Regards,
Everyone

hirakendu said...

;)

LiviaChloe said...

u know, ur language is rather foul. ill not be lukin at this again.

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U R UZE bad Lanquije. I hait dis site!! U will mizz my buiznezz.

Oh and FUCK YOU, Pork E Pine

BLA Balikpapan said...

He's getting off on that damn tree. Look at him, rubbing little pecan nuts up and down while scoffing at all of us!

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