Friday, April 3, 2009

Fuck you, Bigfoot

>>FANTASY ANIMAL WEEK<<

I wasn't going to include Bigfoot as a fantasy animal, because I know he is neither fantasy nor an animal, but when I got in touch with his office they refused to let me through to talk to him, and when I asked for a photo all they did was send me this blurry piece of shit that I don't even think is actually him. I called back and let them really have a piece of my mind, and then I told them I was running the "Bigfoot is a phony" story. So they sent me this photo to prove he was just a regular guy! Um, ARE YOU CALLING ME SPECIESIST, BIGFOOT, THAT'S HARRY FROM HARRY AND THE HENDERSONS. I know the fucking difference between one giant ape-like creature and another, you condescending jerk-off.

So fuck you, Bigfoot, for all I care you are a fantastical piece of shit that doesn't give a fuck about the little people. I wouldn't film you out of focus from far away if you were the last folk legend on earth.

56 comments:

S-Man said...

Bigfoot is hot.

Joan of Argghh! said...

Fuck you, Bigfoot, and the crypto-zoologist you rode in on.

garrito said...

And that goes double for your cousin, Yeti. Know what's abominable? How much your big feet stink, the both of ya. Try some XXXL Dr. Scholl's.

Ches said...

That dudes a walking advert for Gillette!

MiSS MATERiAL GiRL said...

How many fucking history channel and discovery channel specials are they gonna devote to this loser? Fuck you bigfoot and your agent who has it in good with th networks.

HC said...

Oh my bigfoot is scary!

Dunesdreamer said...

Next thing you know, he'll be claiming he was the one on the grassy knoll, too. Phony fucker.

Quercus said...

If Patty and Harry really are the same Bigfoot, then she must have really let herself go.
The seventies were hard on a lot of people...

Walter said...

What a fake asshole.

Melody sez said...

That bigfoot needs some pink stuff! A smart pant suit with a little bit of accessorizing would be nice! At least that is the way I see it!

Funny in my mind said...

Dude, you need a trim.....

Jezebel said...

Don't even get me started on what a colassal asshole Bigfoot is. I worked for the guy--nazi doesn't even come close to the way this guy treats his employees! And when you try to confront him, he runs away. I, mean, what is that? You can't run and hide forever Bigdouche! Damn it! This just pisses me totally off. Friday is RUINED!

Will said...

This hairy jerk again? BTW, the reason he won't go away is that he has the same agent as Elvis.

HEY BIGFOOT AND ELVIS: THE 1970'S CALLED, THEY SAID TO STOP BOTHERING MODERN SOCIETY, YOUR TIME = PASSED.

mo'ster said...

"I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large out of focus monster roaming the countryside. Look out, he's fuzzy, let's get out of here." <3 mitch hedberg

MonaLisa said...

Dude. You're not supposed to BATHE in Rogaine! Stupid fuck....

Kim said...

Bigfoot is a phony? Say it ain't so!

The Cheap-Arse Film Critic said...

Wyths think they're sooooooooo special. Arseholes.

The Cheap-Arse Film Critic said...

I meant "Myths" in that last comment. Although the word "Wyth" is funny just to look at.

R.evolution Of Our Time said...

Someone needs a hairs cut.

FilmFemme said...

What if Bigfoot IS blurry?

chuck p said...

It looks like a bums diaper exploded all over you... clean yourself up for gods sake.

Sebhar said...

http://twitter.com/therealbigfoot ...asshole.

tmagic81 said...

Did you catch his memoir? http://roumieu.com/books.php?order=5

Thome said...

He is real, he actually spells his name Bigg Foote and lives just past the big rock in Vancouver.
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/group.php?gid=2223757445&ref=ts

Phil Bennett said...

Fuck you, Bigfoot. You have a penis the size of a pencil!! That's why you hide like you do. If I had a pencil dick, I would hide too.

Plus I think you are a pedifile. You want to fuck little boy monkeys.

Go fuck yourself bigfoot. Get therapy!!

Phil
p.s. squirrels are perfect. Check out my blog dedicated to my love of squirrels. Where are my fucking MEDS!!!

Nicole oh-so Lovely said...

Nessy the Loch Ness monster is not happy about this.....

Her office would have not only called you back...but would have sent you her portfolio.

x's & o's,
www.yourbabyisanasshole.com

Heather Cherry said...

Wow, Bigfoot. You suck. At least Nessie is kinda cute. You're not even mildly cute.

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

well its a relief to know that bigfoot sometimes takes vacations and days off from scaring people in the Himalayas!

Chris Finlay said...

I am suggesting you cover the wolf pigeon http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1905980

Candy's daily Dandy said...

No way dude, Bigfoot is real.
He was featured in the National Enquirer and everything.

Dustin said...

Bigfoot fucked me in the ass one time, but he had a REALLY tiny penis. It was so weird because I remember thinking, "Wow, his dick is small for being 8 feet tall."

He must have descended from Asia.

webiegal said...

The Loch Ness Monster will be so pleased to hear that you've sworn off Big Foot.

Who's the #1 not-real animal now, BITCHES!?

Big Asshole said...

No, trust me - Big Foot IS real. I worked in his campaign a few years back until he refused to debate with Nader and pulled the plug. I was pissed. He still owes me a check

[ J ] said...

Dear Bigfoot,

More like BigFAKE.

Jerk.


Regards,
Everyone
http://regardseveryone.blogspot.com/

A N Mangham, Arch Chemist said...

hey everyone. Vote for me! I'm running for mayor of Madison Wisconsin on a strictly zero-tolerance for sasquatch platform. How long must we suffer from the menace of these hairy fuckers?

Dr. Jay SW said...

Has it occurred to you smartasses that Bigfoot might be Jesus?! Fuck you all for your blasphemy!!!

Brian said...

Yo, Bigfoot is a straight up dildo.

exapologist said...

What a fat, furry, fuck.


In the immortal lryics of Tenacious D:

"Take a look at the plaster cast of his foot now ya' know he's real.

Listen real close to the audio tape that ain't no human now ya' know he's real.

Ain't no man in a gorilla suit no fuckin' way now ya' know he's real.

REAL real REAL real REAL real REAL real really real REAL"

Blackmarket Boo said...

that's my DAD!

sharyn TG said...

this is awesome

The Kitty City Gazette gives you 6 fu@3king stars!

Wildwoods Retreat said...

So, Big Foot worked Nader's campaign. Well, now that peice of political silliness makes sense.

A word of advise Big Foot: Stop the forest cruising. Not cool plus you smell like rotting leaves. Work on some dreds, learn to play the drums and join a band. That would work.

Dave said...

Everyone keeps saying his feet are so big. Who knows that to be true? Ever seen the guy at DSW? I think not.

Dancing Hula in the Sunset said...

stupid Frame 352
Patterson and Gimlin can eat my shorts

ASSHOLE BOYFRIEND said...

But Bigfoot loves all of you, he even wishes you all a "Happy Valentines Day" (bigfoot is pretty bad with dates).

Renee said...

So, when are you going to rant about the Loch Ness Monster? Or El Chupacabra? The Jerzey Devil?

HRH King Friday XIII, Ret. said...

You know what they say about imaginary primates with big feet, don't you?

hirakendu said...

;)

Lemons said...

"I wouldn't film you out of focus from far away if you were the last folk legend on earth."

That's right. Preach it.

ummmmheyyyy said...

Asian kid would look like Bigfoot if his bowlcut was shaved

cotorra said...

i bet the bastard doesn't even pay child support.

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