Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Imaginary animals are supposed to, oh, I don't know, require imagination

>>FANTASY ANIMAL WEEK<<

COME ON, JACKALOPE. A rabbit with antlers? This was the best you losers could come up with? You know, if I was a fake animal, I'd throw in some cool shit, like wings, and laser eyes. All you did was put one thing from another animal onto a completely normal animal! Um, okay, a puppy with a trunk for a nose! I call it a elephuppy. A fox with a beak! I call it a fuck, and then I'll let it glance in your general direction.

Don't even look at me that way, because even if I could pet you I probably wouldn't, since you failed so royally. You had an infinite number of possibilities, Jackalope, and you picked this one. And now you are going to have to not live with it for the rest of your non-existent life. Deal with it.

51 comments:

Dunesdreamer said...

Is this "fantasy animals week" or "animal fantasies week"? HMMM? HMMM?

Kurt said...

Okay. Normally I jump in and insult the animal in question, but I defer to your prowess and the excellence of this post.

"Elephuppy"? Did I just read that?

HC said...

Lol a Jackolope....

Jezebel said...

I just vomitted my breakfast Jackalope! You're not gonna win friends or influence people being so damn hideous! Why don't you and your friend Unicorn go back to your fantasy land. And die!

Ches said...

I'm thinking a pot, some potatoe's...couple of onions. Dash of chili and he's ready!

It's All Good said...

fuck this shit.

Will said...

WTF? Did he think we'd want to make a bunch of pathetic jokes, like "That's one horny rabbit" badaBUM! YOUR PATHETIC ATTEMPT AT HUMOR MAKES ME WANT TO HANG MYSELF.

Stupid rabbit. I've seen poodles dressed as reindeer that had more dignity.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Jackalope; what a dope!

marcus said...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jackalope


i guess the shope papilloma virus was more than you bargained for, huh, rabbit? you got what you deserved.

Aaron Davies said...

my pet wolpertinger finishes his beer, belches, and heads back to the kitchen to see if his jackalope hasenpfeffer is ready yet....

Quercus said...

I'm sorry, but you know fuck-all about jackalopes. I have encountered numerous specimens of winged jackalope, some with feathery legs to boot. Have you never been to South Dakota?
Laser eyes... not so much.

OzarkTroutBum said...

What a maroon!!

Wait, didn't another imaginary rabbit already say that?

Heather Cherry said...

Thanks to that hack Dave Coulier I used to think you were real! Totally lame that you're not. So, just... go. LEAVE! I mean it, Jackaloupe.

At least I still have dragons...

Zoe said...

you are ridicious jackalope. and absurd. don't give me that vacant look, that "oh, look at me, I'm just a jackalope over here not existing." my cheetahlop will come and eat you for dinner. he's faster than you. and hungry.

I2carts said...

Okay. Normally I jump in and insult the animal in question, but I defer to your prowess and the excellence of this post.
Sell Digital Products

Kelsey said...

Antlers aren't even cool, Jackalope. You could have at least gotten yourself some sweet wings or a few rows of shark teeth.

What are antlers going to do for you? Make you look scary? Newsflash. It. Didn't. Work.

GChevy410 said...

If you are going to attack imaginary animals go for the Liger. It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed... bred for its skills in magic.

Wait, what the fuck? You have got to be kidding me...Liger you fuck. You just had to force your way into existence didn't you.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liger

GChevy410 said...

Ha ha ha ha seriously? There is also a Tigon!!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tigon

display name said...

Sporting those antlers. Like you're SOMEBODY.

GChevy410 said...

I have a love hate relationship with Wiki...

A Pumapard? Really?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pumapard

kingstreetfarm said...

That's actually some decent photoshopping.

Nicole oh-so Lovely said...

Just remember...Fennec Fox's and Pink Dolphins are real...

scared & alone,
www.yourbabyisanasshole.com

shu said...

Jackalope, I aught to shoot you, and mount your head on my wall to use as a hatrack.

Oh wait, I already have one. Well, I guess a man can never have too many Jackalope head hatracks, so c'mere!

Mishi said...

Jackalope April Fools pranks:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=By9sHP1MWVk

SarahZombie said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sg1CRgUjYVo

I <3 the supersuckers & not jacaklopes. They have a creepy eye.

hirakendu said...

ubuntu 9.04 jaunty is real :D.

melouise said...

Ate one today, in fact!

Tasted like chicken.

Karl Bunker said...

So if a unicorn's horn can neutralize poison, can a jackalope's antlers neutralize... um... carrot juice?

Nathalie said...

Someone needs to write a complaint letter about this high fiving mother fucker! I can't. He killed me with his wittle paws ARGHFFFF

http://msnbcmedia.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photo_StoryLevel/080506/080506-jaguar-hmed-830a.hmedium.jpg

Nickolas said...

Fox + Duck + Female Sheep = Fuck Ewe

bendog said...

http://ww2.lafayette.edu/~hollidac/jacksforreal.html

jackalopes are real!

[ J ] said...

Dear Jackolope,

You're not fooling anybody. Your "antler" trick is no better than then ol' "arrow-through-the-head" trick that humans try to pull.

Get out of my face.

Regards,
Everyone
http://regardseveryone.blogspot.com

Wildwoods Retreat said...

It's too early (or perhaps it is too late...) to be having existential flights of imaginary fancy. The horns, by the way, are so last year.

Go Eat grass somewhere else and stay out of California "Jack" ~ we don't need your mental complications.

Viet Q. said...

Can we get pass the fantasy animals. Lets talk about the space bear. No really there is a space bear and it can live in suspended animation for years. Really look it up.

MonaLisa said...

Pfft... you call yourself a 'jackalope'.

Why then, muthahfukkah, do you sport DEER antlers?!? You're not a jackalope, you're a REINUNNY!

What, you thought we wouldn't notice? That we don't know the difference between one ungulate-lapin hybrid and another?!?

WELL WE DO, YOU LITTLE CREEP!!

Listen, I know it sucks to be you. The Easter Bunny doesn't like you, Santa can't use you, and you keep accidentally goring the kiddies at the petting zoo.

But this is just sad, man. Be yourself. And get the fuck out of here.

kel said...

as long as we're fantasizing...i want a zebrilla!

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

'Fuck' is just too good!!! ;)

gregoryyy said...

I just found this out.

Their babies,are called" lookiloos" !

Stew said...

I'd like to see Rau "fuckwit" Comfort's crocoduck
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Crocoduck

1.anon.human said...

This is not a jackalope. jackalopes have horns like antelope. this is clearly a jackadeer.

Rachel said...

http://academic.wsc.edu/faculty/raberto1/explorers_club/black_hills_pix/Brian%20Franzone%20Photos/Jackalope.jpg

Dejahmi by Beth Respess said...

Thanks a lot, man. I had managed to keep the fact that the jackelope wasn't real a secret from my husband until he saw your post. He's crushed. With santa and the Easter Bunny discovered on our honeymoon, I thought I'd be able to salvage what little child-like wonder he had left with the jackelope. But thanks to you, he now has nothing left to believe in.

I fully expect you to cover the expense of our marraige counseling for as long as it takes to save our now crumbling relationship.

Fuck you, blog guy.

Nancy Coppock said...

Wait, are you like trying to say I am a figment of my own imagination?

Share Your Ideas said...

Fantastic !!

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Teh Notebook Ghurl said...

Jackalope. You should see that one short film by Pixar. It's got a Jackalope in it that says "heliotrope" which is epically insane.

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