Monday, April 6, 2009

Jaded hipster owls think they've seen it all



Owls are always making snarky fucking asides like they're above it all. A perfect example of this was the other day. We were eating some really good watermelon sorbet together, and I was like, "Is this great or what?" and this owl gave me this look and said, "What." (He actually said "who," but I'm pretty sure that was just his lame meta-commentary on the commonness of the actual "What" joke.) The fucked up thing about it was that it was some seriously good watermelon sorbet, too, so there's no way he wasn't enjoying that shit.

So I was all, "I should already expect it from owls, but you're a real piece of work even for your species, with the curved beak and the silent judging. Sorry I'm just a person and you get to be inherently wise just because you can turn your head around to look behind your shoulders, Owl. IT'S NOT A CRIME TO OPEN YOURSELF UP TO NEW EXPERIENCES, ASSHOLE." Then they made me leave the gelato store, which was fine with me because there were owl pellets everywhere and that has to be a health violation.

78 comments:

HC said...

Haha, he looks sooo bored...

Nic said...

Even his facial expression suggests that he's above it all.

Ches said...

What a who-re!

Dunesdreamer said...

To paraphrase Pete Townshend, Just who the fuck are you, owl?

The Cheap-Arse Film Critic said...

Clearly as high as a fucking kite. You're a junkie piece of shit, owl.

ttw said...

his ironic beard is giving me a migraine.

biz said...

what you can't see from that picture are the extremely tight black jeans he's wearing.

sour said...

for fuck sakes owl, watermelon sorbet deserves a little excitement.
you don't know everything and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you will realize we FUCKINGHATEYOU

Cindy said...

Owls are evil.

stainedsugar said...

hilarious!

Jezebel said...

Owl, I can't even deal with my own shit on Monday, let alone your shit!

Quercus said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
feathermar said...

What a dick.

Gaina said...

Ftt!!! Don't come at me with all that 'Wise' Bullshit, Mr Owl. I know for a fact you're all eyeballs and no brain so neer!!!

geneva said...

there is a reason owls are shaped like footballs... to be drop kicked!!!

Gra said...

Look at those sickly yellow eyes. Clearly he takes a jaundiced view of the world.

meliss007 said...

umm this just made my top 10. no, top 5.

it's also painful to read comments where posters are trying to match your humor...they fail 99% of the time.

Accelerator Advertising said...

I saw once where Mr. Owl said it only took 3 licks to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop. 3 licks! Cmon Mr. Owl, I saw you bite it. You think I'm that dumb? You think I didn't see that? And you're all handing me back the empty stick and talking to me with that condescending tone? Fuck you, Owl, Fuck you and fuck your 3 licks!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZ0epRjfGLw

K Calderala said...

Maybe he is above it all, did you ever think about that, FUP? I mean, here you are, trying to share the experience of water-fucking-melon sorbet with a CARNIVORE and you expect him to glory in your little omnivores dilemna?? Did you think to offer him a nice mouse mousse? NO. I think we all know who the real dick is here, FUP.

LionsLamb - Gabs said...

I think I'm in love with you.

I was the gelato store lady.

meeseefu said...

meliss007, agreed, but i would say 85%. the jaundiced comment is fantastic.

Big Asshole said...

Don't tell the guys at Bohemian Grove you feel this way!

Kim said...

You want to know "who who"? Well, not you, bug-eyes.

Heddy said...

I went through this just the other day at a bar. Owl , kinda tosses his naked ten-speed aside, and wanders in with his skinny jeans and Brit pop hair. I'm like, 'hey' and he seriously, just gives me the what's up with his beak and keeps right on walking.

Melissa A. Robinson said...

Bwa ha ha ha.... Oh, this might be my favorite ever. I love this post!

But then I am always a sucker for snarky owls eating sorbet.

Jessy said...

nice. well done.

gibsongirl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
gibsongirl said...

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Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

he probably thought it was pureed mice liver and got disappointed!

Sue said...

Those bastards. And their stupid silent wings, too. What - do they think they're, like, ninjas or something? That is so lame. A real bird isn't afraid to make noise when it flies. It ha nothing to hide.

Nicole oh-so Lovely said...

well i think his ego mostly comes from the Tootsie Pop commercials.

lick,
www.yourbabyisanasshole.com

Heather Cherry said...

He's even wearing eyeliner and purple shadow. We get it. You're all indie and stuff. But now you're just trying too hard.

Alexa said...

Owls are just insecure assholes. Their brains are smaller than their eyeballs. YOU CAN'T FOOL ME OWL, I KNOW YOU'RE TRYING TO COMPENSATE FOR YOUR TINY BRAIN.

It's All Good said...

My school mascot is an Owl. Let me tell you, repping this animal has been hell. It's almost over!

Wildwoods Retreat said...

Okay, let's give the guy a break...sometimes critters that appear to be aloof are well ~ shy. Of course it is possible to be a jerk and shy as well...

FUP, "watermelon sorbet"!! Nice touch! :)

Sethjj1975 said...

Sadly, no matter what we say to this fuckin' twat, he still won't give a fuck.

I kind of admire that and respect his consistency.

But still...Fuck off, seriously!

kelse said...

hahah owls are my FAVORITE animal.
thanks for this

x

jackie said...

he just thinks he's all that cuz he can fly.

taxitalk said...

I know those fucking owls

direnzo said...

he clearly just ripped a blunt

cermedes said...

sweet 'guyliner' fuckstick!

hirakendu said...

;)

Dr. Jay SW said...

No doubt about it, owls are the pretentious pomo indie-rock listening pseudo hipsters of the animal kingdom.

Fuck them all.

Nee S. said...

My favorite post so far. You're right--owls are dicks.

Jakob said...

What is the "what joke?" Seriously.

Insults said...

I've seen it all.

A "cheery" disposition said...

his eyes dont even look real

ghersionmyjersey said...

oh man. best post to date.

Pot to your Kettle said...

I must disagree with a previous commenteer (i just made that up, Meliss007). I LIKE the comments that follow FUP posts. Some are funny and some are not, but just having people add to the silliness is fine by me.

PS- I can just hear that snarky fucking owl quoting French poetry from behind his velvety smoking jacket......

Tha BossMack TopSoil said...

Nice Pic

she said: said...

If you think that owl is touch shit, take a look at

this one.

she said: said...

touch = tough.

The Unravelling said...

I wonder what the owl's reaction to this blog would be. Most likely more of the same.

Dave said...

That owl is significantly higher than the kangaroo.

Cadence said...

There's an owl near my home. Some guy is saving him because he can't fly... supposedly. I bet he doesn't want to fly. I bet he just wants humans to cater to all his dumb little owl needs and in return he keeps all his neighbors up at night.

me melodia said...

I just died.
This is the best fup post ever!

Beggarz said...

Owl's are nature's equivalent of Bob Dylan in his most arrogant early days.

Fragrant Liar said...

What an uppity snot. Go back to your tree hugging, Jaded Hipster Owl!

MonaLisa said...

Oh, owl... I hear your beak say 'no'.

But your eyes? Your eyes say 'Yes....'

justjp said...

Owl says, "has anyone seen my spliff?"

juan in LG said...

Did you people ever think Owl might have a thyroid condition? So quick to judge...

_/ _/ said...

Very funny!

umama said...

He actually looks pretty blazed if you ask me!

ZenGrouch said...

No, really, I won't bite...

So why don't you let me suck that thang mister?

roopa said...

Hands down best post.

Josh J. Holinaty said...

You're a total dick, Owl.

monkeyboy said...

Why the squinty eyes, owl? Is the moonlight hurting your eyes? If you're as smart as you pretend to be you would invest in some Ray-bans. What a puss!

CommieCanuck said...

Ya, he's stoned...they're all a bunch of loser potheads. All night with the "whooo's got some Doritos?".Owls piss me off.

El Caganer said...

I pooped on an owl once.

anne archy said...

Last dessert he enjoyed was a tootsie pop.

aelycaon said...

I've never even met Owl. I guess I'm just not cool enough.

ahunt said...

What an arrogant fucking animal!

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Thomas said...

That was very very retarded. Just be happy that owl is not your size, otherwise he would be ripping your head off and swallowing it whole. And we would rejoice.

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