Friday, April 17, 2009

Porcupinefish send out mixed messages


Good lord, you smiling asshole. What is going on with the fish lips and big eyes? YOU ARE SO FUCKING CUTE I WANT TO HUG YOU AND NAME YOU GARY. But I know better, Porcupinefish. You may me be smiling and having a great time now in your little undersea neon world, but next thing I know I'll come too close and you'll push me away.

The truth is, Porcupinefish, I don't know if you could ever really get close to anyone. Before you love someone, you have to love yourself, and I'm worried about the time you're putting in. You drift from place to place with no purpose in life, and you couldn't even spend enough effort giving yourself a name, you just picked something with spines and added "fish" to the name. You may get a lot of attention now, but sooner or later everyone is going to grow tired of your shenanigans, and you will realize what a shallow, empty life you lead. I'm not going to be there to pick up the pieces, Porcupinefish. You can go to hell for all I care.

58 comments:

natalielewis said...

this one actually made me kind of sad. i feel bad for the little shit.

Kurt said...

Listen, Fish. I'm tired of these mind games. Either you like me or you don't. Stop calling my house and hanging up.

*moggit girls said...

Gary is all about the con, isn't he?

Bob said...

Gary!

HC said...

Hehe, porcupinefish your face really makes me happy! :-))

Gojiro said...

Not only does he push you away, the fucker smiles while he's doing it.

(Pst, it's "you're putting in.")

Funny in my mind said...

looks can be so deceiving, stupid fish

Pat said...

Seriously, porcupinefish... it's time to spin out of the downward spiral that is your life. You're out of control, and you've alienated everyone who was once in your circle of friends.

If you had bootstraps, I'd suggest you pull yourself up by them, you asshole.

clorivak said...

What a prick of a fish! Just joking, Gary!

trulymadlydeeply said...

NO, seriously. What's with these posts, FUP? Huh? WHO ARE YOUUU

Mermanda said...

I know we have both make mistakes, Gary... but you have really crossed a boundary with your latest crap you tried to pull.

I deleted your number from my phone last night. Don't even think about trying to contact me. You dick.

James Woe said...

uncle Lester used to wipe his ass with porcupine fish...said it helped his constitution...the neighborhood kids all wanted to play catch with the poor turd smeared bastard. Aunt Mary would sit on the porch dousing her jugs in kerosene til her nipples sat firm like walnuts.

thanks for the nostalgia.
james

Mixtape Anthems said...

You know what, I'm not even going to try to come up with a cute or semi-funny comment to this post. It's too true to post anything sarcastic. Porcupinefish really are unbelievably cute, but they really are assholes, too. It's a cruel trick you've played, Nature.

It's All Good said...

fuck the fish, i just wanna live in his neon world

Melody sez said...

That porcupine fish is not smiling! That porcupine fish just looks like he is smiling because that is just the way he looks! I really do not think that that smiling porcupine fish is thinking about ever smiling on the count that he does not have any smiling muscles to smile with!
That smiling porcupine fish might have astonishment muscles for his eyeballs though! At least that is the way I see it!

Atticus said...

I can't believe you people! How can you be so hateful? That little fish is just trying to do what it must to get by. I see a fish who may be confused about who he is but thats not going to stop him from making goals and doing what needs to be done to attain those goals. Maybe YOU PEOPLE should worry about yourselves rather than picking on some poor little fish at the bottom of the ocean so to forget about the problems in your own life. Fuck you.

Phelps said...

You're a gayfish.

hirakendu said...

;)

jean said...

Porcupinefish wants to get dinner and go to a concert and nobody else understands him, but he's happy being alone right now, thankyouverymuch. Oh but porcupinefish just read the most interesting article and saw the most beautiful sunset and he wants to tell YOU. Eff you, porcupinefish.

Peekabag said...

My ex-bf's name was Gary and he wasn't cute at all. Not like porcupine-fish. Fuck you Gary and fuck you porcupine fish!

mkreider said...

He's just a heavy metal thrash speedcore blowfish with spikes

Heather Cherry said...

Aw, he gots such a cute lil' mouf.

C'mere, you!

*Ow!*

Kafka Stole My Bike said...

You know Gary, when I first saw your pic I thought to myself, that fish has a bump for a nose and a carefree, I-love-neon smile. How cute! But then I realized that bump was not a nose but a protruding eyeball and your smile was actually the sneer of a cocky fish looking to poke someone in the ass. Fuck you Gary.

Mike said...

Awesome, I recommended the porcupinefish! :D

LPC said...

When I meet the love of my life I will say to him, "I want to name you Gary." If he is the love of my life, he will know.

indigo doll said...

i knew a porcupine fish, back in the day.

needy.

Allgaul said...

Porcupine fish brings "approach=avoidance" to a whole new level. It would be a very deep under the sea kind of level, but whatever.

Brian said...

...that was good one. I was cracking up at the first and last lines.

clubwah said...

Your funniest for a long time. Thanks for the laugh.

Vegan Girl (Roni Seabury) said...

Where on earth did you come up with the name Gary? :)

Lydia Dustin said...

You are so freaking random! What is wrong with you? And why do I love you so? GARY!Oh GARY!

Wildwoods Retreat said...

Oh man, Gary - a prickly short guy ... what, there aren't enough Napoleon complexes out there? You can do better than this. And, BTW, AH, you don't even speak French.

akfireweed said...

It's all fun and games until you put an eye out.

shezahawdy said...

... his shenanigans are cruel and tragic... which... makes them not really shenanigans at all... evil shenanigans...

Fragrant Liar said...

Poor little porcupine fish. He is like Rogue on X-Men. He can never love anyone scales to scales because he might kill her. Poor little porcupine fish.

Dave said...

I wish the fish had a twitter account so I could keep up with it.

Chrisy said...

Sorry Gary I've had my share of prickley butt kissers...fish/people are best avoided...go suck up to somebody else...

ummmmheyyyy said...

I bet it tastes good.

The Paper Lion said...

I dare that fish to smile at me. I can hug through any pain it can dish out.

Melissa A. Robinson said...

A meaningless but fun award for you....

http://melissainthesky.blogspot.com/

m said...

Awesome :-)

Lackluster Procrastinator said...

why do i feel like you're writing about me?

The Paper Lion said...

I could learn to live in his neon world.

~E said...

why Gary??? WHY??? *tear*

Gary said...

Thanks for the shout out!

intothegreatlandblog.com said...

Mmmm.... fugu.

maggie! said...

dick... get some goddamn dbt for the whole "i love you... wait, no, i hate... wait don't leave me" bullshit that you're pullin' with the cute face, then puffin' your spikes out... i'm on to you borderline personality fish... i'm on to you!

Michelle said...

Everything about this fish makes me want to date him. We are meant to be together.

nltisme said...

Even my shrink says I am the Porcupine fish, except that my name is Lynn and not Gary. Sigh.....

nltisme said...

In retrospect, I kinda wish Gary here would be my boyfriend coz he is mammy-freaking CUTE!!!!!!!!!! Lemme go hide the tartar sauce.....

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