Friday, April 24, 2009

Seahorses make me less interested in real horses


FUCK! Horses were all prance-y and I could ride them and shit. It was totally kick-ass. At one point, I even said "Who needs the ocean when you have horses?" And I lived my life like that meant something. Now, I see a seahorse and that all goes out the window. How did you get the head of a horse? That shit is I-N-S-A-N-E.

Often times, animals with combo names are total crap, like that porcupinefish from last week. (wtf? Still not over it, get a real name, loser.) But this fucker really lives up to his billing, and I'm not going to let him get away with it. Yeah, I see the curved tail, and I know the males have babies (apparently nature's rules don't apply to everyone if you're "special" enough). But that doesn't give him the right to simultaneously look like a horse, some coral, a fluke, and a creamsicle. Pick a style and run with it, Seahorse. Stop freaking me out and let me have the normal horses that eat apples and let flies sit on their eyeballs.

53 comments:

Nic said...

Hahaha! Too funny :)

tippy said...

I lost $500 on a Seahorse race once. The fix was in... Bastards.

M.J. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
M.J. said...

If I were a mermaid, I would totally have an army of sea horses wearing fez hats to pull my royal carriage. (Obviously If I were a mermaid, I'd be a princess too.)

akfireweed said...

Flicka, Flicka Flicka, king of the ocean, ocean, ocean...I predict a Disney film...

Makuluwo said...

You're not really a seahorse at all, seahorse. You're not even related to horses.
You just have a long nose and neck, and people are too dumb to differentiate that from what a horse looks like.
So fuck you and your awesomeness!

furiousBall said...

ahh yes, seahorses, the most pussy whipped of all in the animal kingdom. the males carry the babies. great job seahorses

Gra said...

Haven't these creatures heard of intellectual property right? I mean, do you ever see horses flouncing around looking like something with gills? Ever heard of a barnfish?

So a seahorse walks into a bar. That's wrong for a start. (They would kind of *hover prissily* into a bar.) The barman says, "Why the long face? You're a fucking fish! Stop it!"

HC said...

Haha when I was little I found Seahorses very fascinatig...

David Dust said...

Fuck You, Seahorse.

Why don't you go find yourself some Sea Monkeys, and start your own little Sea Circus. Freak.

Barb said...

What's with the prehensile tail? It's not like it has to fly through the sea, swinging from one piece of coral to the next.
Copies the horse's head and the monkey's tail. Nothing original here.

Gigi said...

I'm a little concerned that seahorses look kind of like anteaters.

Funny in my mind said...

No Kentucky Derby though. How pathetic! Cool how you do all the birth crap. thanks for that, dude....

The Devil's Daughter-In-Law said...

That seahorse is the same color as my mother-in-law's hair.

Allgaul said...

Seahorse, you give Stay-at-home-dads agita. Are THEY going to have to start having the babies now as well as quitting their jobs and running the kids here, there and everywhere? Do you CARPOOL Seahorse? I didn't think so. Loser. Quit having the babies so human dads don't have to keep up. Geeze.

The Archduchess said...

Seriously, seahorse.
You're not a horse, you just live in the sea. Quit acting so silly and look like a real fish already!

direnzo said...

none of you are funny

Insults said...

..brilliant..

J. Benson Fong said...

FUCK YEAH! There needs to be a SEA PONY EXPRESS! I can see it now, Aqua-cowboys with underwater lariat skills, roping Manatee's and whales and hagin out Aqua-cowgirls and branding sharks as to like, mark their cattle and shit! Doin all that shit on the backs of GIANT SEAHORSES! FUCKIN-A DUDE!

[ J ] said...

Dear Seahorses,

You are a crime against nature.


Regards,
Everyone
http://regardseveryone.blogspot.com/PS: Haha. This also reminds me of that Dan Deacon video with the lizard! "Drinking out of cups" ... skip to about the 2m 7s mark and you'll see the bit about seahorses: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skCV2L0c6K0

Big Foot said...

Seriously, head of a horse! Stupid fish who thinks he is a stallion! Who does shit like this except sea-(w)horses?

hirakendu said...

;)

Nicole oh-so Lovely said...

you finally did it...

you made fun of my favorite animal....

they are so cute....

i want to keep one in my pocket and feed it M&M's.

Love,
www.yourbabyisanasshole.com
http://nicoleburron.blogspot.com

tk13 said...

Can I ride you, seahorse?

No?

Then quit calling yourself a horse. Lying little bastard. Maybe change it to "seafreak", because that's what you are.

Freak.

Phat Mama said...

Creamsicle??

Now I want one. Mew.

Bobby Rockit said...

I think its just a plastic bath toy anyways!

River Sol said...

Seahorse that rides the seven seas
You evolved way before land horsies
Unlike those domesticated 4-leggers
Asian-mystic-fucks grind ur carcasses
Ostensibly to harden their penises
Swim free fair seahorses, swim free!

rgdaniel said...

Kinda makes up for SAWHORSES, which don't look like horses at all, don't even have a head, usually. Just a bunch of boards nailed together. Yee-haw, ride 'em cowboy...

Dancing Hula in the Sunset said...

The only thing worse than a seahorse is a Leafy Sea Dragon.

Fragrant Liar said...

Seahorse, seahorse,
Bet you have remorse
That you weren't born with legs,
And all your males lay eggs.
But that's okay,
We still like you.

Shawn said...

Even more disturbing: the leafy sea dragon. This thing doesn't know whether it's a horse, a seahorse, a dragon, or a plant.

Technogeekboy said...

Do they make dogfish food out of seahorses?

frankelstache said...

You should read about their sex life

★ whoaamello ★ said...

ZOMG, loveeee seahorses [= Preeeetttyyy

WR said...

Less interested in "real horses" - wash your key board out with soap!

J said...

This line is genius. How did you get the head of a horse? That shit is I-N-S-A-N-E.

Bakso Bandit said...

Males have the freaken babies!!??? You asshole!! There is no freaken excuse for doing that. What the hell happened dude. You've changed.

TorontoVet said...

And how to treat lameness in seahorses? Do they swim horizontally?

krista said...

when i was little, i used to write book reports about seahorses and give them to my mom.
(yes, i wrote book reports for fun)
i was hoping it would lead to her buying me my own seahorse as a pet.
it never worked.

Victoria Seacrist said...

"...and let flies sit on their eyeballs."

LOVE IT!

jb said...

Hhahahahah you are fucking brilliant and I love you.....now come by my blog I have a woodpecker story that's right down your alley....I think I can say fuck you woodpecker.

Cheers
JB

indigo doll said...

i knew a seahorse a long time ago.

postmodern.

Christina said...

and a creamsicle rofl

jean said...

I am SO JEALOUSE of these hor-al-uke-sicles. RAR! SMASH!

Jason said...

have you seen these cocky fuckers? http://www.montereybayaquarium.org/efc/seahorse.aspx

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Maria-Thérèse said...

oh my goodness, this is hilarious!!

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Teh Notebook Ghurl said...

...But male seahorses don't have the babies. The eggs are laid into a pouch on the male by the female. They're like...marsupials underwater.

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