Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Tigers are destined to live with regrets


Tigers can be real badasses, just ask that one dude in Vegas. So it's always embarrassing for them when they are reminded of their past as tiger cubs, doing fucked-up shit like biting tree trunks and refusing to grow into their already ridiculously large paws. This tiger looks like she just woke up in bed next to a lion (we all know where that leads and where it ends), but really she's just remembering what a cute-wielding little bastard she used to be.

Sorry, Tiger, you made certain choices when you were younger, and you are just going to have to deal with them. Some of them you can manage, like for example you can get simple surgery now to remove that Chinese symbol for "harmony" from your lower back. But photos? Once they get out, they are around forever. My best advice would be to just put it behind you and try to keep your head held high. And while I can't entirely forget what you've done, I understand that you are trying to change your life and live for a brighter tomorrow, and that's what Fuck You, Penguin is all about. Now don't ever have children, you'll ruin everything.

34 comments:

Doublebanker said...

Wishing they were lovers instead of fighters!!

420 can't winDB

HC said...

I guess the tiger is wondering how he can make things up again wth FU Penguin...

Heather Cherry said...

*nom nom nom*

Candy's daily Dandy said...

That promiscuous sleeping around led to inbred, white trash cats roaming the trailer plains of our planet.

Yes slutty tiger, hide your face in shame.

Kurt said...

Dear Tiger Cub,

Quit biting the shit out of me.

Love,
Log

Choppy said...

Best way to solve this problem: Forced sterilization of all cats.

Nicole oh-so Lovely said...

it's too early in the morning to deal with this....

love,
www.yourbabyisanasshole.com

Pat said...

Like we need any more fucking ligers in the the world... I'm not going out like that!

[ J ] said...

Dear Tiger,

We know your MySpace survey said you live without regrets but we know you live with regrets. Lots of 'em.

And who still uses MySpace anyway? That's a problem too.

We're embarrassed for you.


Regards,
Everyone
http://regardseveryone.blogspot.com/

Walter said...

Fucking tigers.

Gra said...

You do all realize that there is still even now a thriving trade in tiger body parts? This wouldn't happen if tigers didn't flaunt their body parts so provocatively while still attached to the rest of them. I'm sure this one is already on the road to corruption and sin. I think it's a disgrace.

trulymadlydeeply said...

Who are you, FUP??

Technogeekboy said...

This all started when Tony the Tiger started prostituting himself for Kelloggs. It's a slippery slope, Tiger.

Heather Cherry said...

But Kurt, all tigers love Log. It's Looo-ooog, Looo-ooog, it's big, it's heavy, it's wood!

Alex said...

Tigers?

They'rrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeee SHITE!

Carmen said...

"And while I can't entirely forget what you've done, I understand that you are trying to change your life and live for a brighter tomorrow, and that's what Fuck You, Penguin is all about. Now don't ever have children, you'll ruin everything."

My lord, you a brilliant person.

hirakendu said...

;)

loosegrape said...

You’re too hard on yourself, Tiger. I want you to repeat these daily affirmations: “ I deserve good things. I am entitled to my share of happiness. I refuse to beat myself up. I am attractive person. I am fun to be with…” And then, maybe one day you too can be the almost senator from Minnesota.

Brian said...

Whatever...tigers are awesome and you all know it.

Laughing Soul said...

HEY! HEY TIGER!!!

FUCK OFF!

Wildwoods Retreat said...

Oh,FFS...leave the girl alone. Lots of gals make silly relationship decisons. Even athletic types like Ms. Tiger. It's that or over eat and considering what they eat let's vote for the bad relationships!

ApeHater said...

Dude, LOVE this blog!
Surprised you don't have any entries on my personal favorite - chimps.

VintageRedhead said...

Big paws? Waddya mean?

Is that a bug?

Sorry, what were you sayin' about tigers and regrets?

Wait. Oooh. SHINY!

Dang. Sorry, again. Something about paws?

I like tigers.

Kate Hugh-Jones said...

love it.

Atticus said...

I bet if that Tiger has a lot going for him or herself. And here we are trying to break the tiger down. The tiger was likely only trying to find some grubs in the log so he or she could eat. If people weren't so prejudicial about tigers, then this poor little feller would be able to go to the grocery and find a decent meal. But no. Tigers aren't allowed in the grocery because they will "eat the food before paying for it" and "eat the people trying to shop". Bigots!no

Insults said...

Reading that mad me angry then sad. Fuck You, All Creatures Great and Small.

Alex Rakoczy said...

aaahahaha

Share Your Ideas said...

very nice blog !!

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