Friday, May 8, 2009

Moles have comically low expectations of themselves


Oh, hooray, Mole. You made it out of the ground. Why are you so excited? DO YOU WANT A FUCKING MEDAL? Pretty pathetic, Mole. First of all, you are a mole, it's kind of like a dolphin being impressed it can swim. And second, being blind doesn't count as a disability in moles. Maybe if you were driving or operating heavy machinery the look of pride and joy on your face at the moment would be understandable. But at this point, this is standard meat and potatoes mole stuff, dude. So just because you're making me share in your joy doesn't mean I'm going to let you get away with it. I'd stay underground until I had a clear life plan moving forward if I were you, Mole.

And please, nail clippers. They are like a dollar. Don't tell me you're too lazy to use a shovel.

55 comments:

PersonalFailure said...

Oh look, you're so happy to be out in the sun you can't see! You make me sick, mole!

Al said...

uh, do they actually have eyes or they are blind? i thought blind but the picture looks eyeless??!!! eww

and toe nail clippers are a must!!!!!

Wes said...

I wish he was wearing tiny over-alls. *sigh*

Aubz said...

Once when I was a kid,I went outside to play on my slide. I found a half-eaten mole at the top of the ladder.

That was a good day.

rob-t-firefly said...

He reminds me of nothing so much as a childhood visit from that one overbearing uncle who smells like beer and old socks and who wears hawaiian shirts over faded sports t-shirts and whose underwear always shows above the waistband of his pants and who mom and dad don't like letting come over because he ends up sleeping on the couch for a week and hogging the TV.

kevin forgot said...

fuck moles

furiousBall said...

are you pissed at the voles for stealing your thunder? i mean how unimaginative is it to name something by just changing the first letter ... you're all dickheads

Mary Beth said...

You should see a doctor, I think that mole is cancerous.

Clint Osterholz said...

That's a retarded fucking smile, mole.

Pizza Girl said...

How does it manage to not have any dirt in its fur? I think this is staged. Fucking show off photographers taking advantage of vulnerable young mole models.

josho! said...

That sort of facial expression is suitable for convertible rides. That's it.

Jezebel said...

Um, Mole? Why are out of the ground? If I could reach through my computer and shove you back down your hole I would! All I can do is look upon your hideous countenance and be nauseated by what I see. Thanks for ruining Friday, douche.

Michael Benner said...

keep that smile right there, I have my "whack-a-mole" hammer around here somewhere and you are the reason that game was invented.

The Devil's Daughter-In-Law said...

Gross. That mole's claws look like my mother-in-law's toenails. Except the mole's are cleaner.

Barb said...

Still trying to make a mountain? Just accept it - mole hills are all you are capable of.

HC said...

He's so happy!

hirakendu said...

;)

RBrown said...

Wipe that self-congratulatory smile off your face, mole. That dirt looks moist, so it's not like you clawed through concrete. Why do you always need so much validation? Jesus.

sharazad said...

I want to whack that sucker in the head and steal his wallet.
See if he smiles then.

[ J ] said...

Dear Mole,

Just 'cause you were referenced in a U2 song ("Elevation") doesn't make you cool.

Get over yourself.

Regards,
Everyone
http://regardseveryone.blogspot.com/

jflorek said...

Asshole, scratching up my new laminate flooring...

Be-A-Normal-PetOwner said...

Like, oh my god, those nails would be, like, so amazing, for like a French manicure. Like seriously...
Like, fuck you!

TorontoVet said...

Mole.... Mole..... Moley moley moley moley moley!

Gra said...

If you ask me he looks like he's trying to take a big shit.

Lemish said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lemish said...

AH! The mole's hand is freaking me out so bad. It is too pale, and it totally looks like it has too many fingers. Animals should have four fingers, like in a cartoon, because it makes them cuter and also less threatening because they would not have the dexterity required to hold a weapon. Now my dreams shall be forever haunted by the thought of that pale, multi-fingered mole hand reaching out to get me.

Jennifer Worick said...

Dude, you always make my day. I just passed on the Kreativ Blogger award to you. Check out the details at http://thingsiwanttopunchintheface.blogspot.com/2009/05/tiwtpitf-nabs-kreativ-blogger-award.html. You rock it, Amadeus.

Kerri Love said...

Why do you get to look so disgustingly happy mole? You live in dirt and you LIKE it. You are a sorry excuse for a mammal, I'm ashamed to be in the same grouping as you. If you could freaking see, you'd notice you have NOTHING to be happy about.

loosegrape said...

I also share in your joy, mole. But let’s just do air kisses, okay? You’re still kind of creepy.

WR said...

Poor mole. Everyone hates you because you still have a work ethic. Perhaps the government will send you part of the stimulus package. Then you can buy the damned clippers.

Alex said...

I have a marmite relationship with moles. I love them s'long as they stay the fuck away. (:

Fuck You, Fuck You, Penguin said...

And now, a word from the mole: http://fyfyp.blogspot.com/

jb said...

Whats wrong with his nails they're way nicer then mine fuck you mole/penguin.......tell me your nail secret.

Cheers
JB

mllegramophone said...

They don't usually look this cute.

How dare mole!

molita said...

Fuckyouhumans.com

Blogger commenters have delusions of grandeur

It's really obvious commenter dude that you deserve to be rich and famous and getting constant blowjobs for your genius mind. Maybe if you keep commenting every day in the exact style and tone of the blog's author, you will finally get "discovered". And yea global warming and darfur suck and all but it really is one of the greater
injustices of the planet that you had the fuckyoupenguin idea first and that no one is actually reading your cynical and edgy comments
even though they are far superior to the blog posts themselves. But you know that's what you get commenter dude for not taking the 14 seconds to register for a free blogspot page with your brilliant idea when you had it. It's just too bad for you commenter that you were so busy updating your ipod playlists to get rid of all the post-rock
bands that when originally downloaded were sufficiently obscure but have since then made the billboard top 1000 and so now deserve your
utter disdain. Life is about choices commenter dude. And its not fuckyoupenguin's fault that you chose to be a giant fucking loser.

jessica o said...

I would start fuckyoumolita.com, but what's the point? Somebody else will do it first anyway.

nltisme said...

I wanted to be all smartass, but the expression on his face is too freaking cute. Whassup mister mole? Wanna be buddies?

Makuluwo said...

His blatant eyelessness is just, so scificool though. o_O

Ben Brooks said...

What an ass mole.

Trish said...

I once saved a mole from my dog. It bit me on my finger. The dog got it back, to play with as it wished. The dog stopped playing with it when it died. That's what I think of moles now, dog toys. And you are no exception Mr. Mole.

electricbetty said...

Look, Mr. FUP. All the mole wants is a cape and matching wristbands to signify his superhero status for digging his way out of the ground. Is that too much to ask?

swiffer said...

displaced by the Santa Barbra fires, a baby deer and a baby bobcat snuggle in the county dispatcher's office
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/photo.php?pid=339801&id=1466343365

Dayv said...

You should do star-nosed moles next, just to freak your audience out.

Dang things have a face like a bouquet of attack clitorises.

sg said...

Oh look, the mole is responding..

http://i41.tinypic.com/fcrw45.jpg

stopnreflect.com said...

Ahahahaha! I LOVE it!

Petit Flo said...

moles smell funny.
True story.

baba yaga said...

the paula deen of the animal world

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smug clean green(Imeangrey) kiwi said...

For fucks sake ... this politically correct ' you're an amazing winner for waking up in the morning an tying your own shoe laces Johnny' stuff is just soooo globaly out of control. Of course you can dig mole........... I can type on a computer keyboard and you can dig in dirt...woopideee doo... do you see me glory hunting and compliment currying?...nooooooo? Well then get the smirk off and back to work mr mole k?

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