Friday, May 29, 2009

No one wants to hang out with eels


Goddammit, Eel, I'm just trying to do a little snorkeling here. Don't act like I came all the way over here to chill with your green ass, you Barney-looking motherfucker. You know what friends do for each other, Eel? They help you move to a new apartment, they give you high fives, and they say things like "Here, lemme get that for you." ARMS SOUND MUCH BETTER NOW, DON'T THEY EEL? So sorry to burst your bubble here, Eel, but maybe next time you'll wait until you have an actual reason to get excited.

This always happens with eels, you know, you take a wrong turn at the reef, and all of the sudden you are hanging out with a fucking eel that is telling you stories about his day and pulling out his keyboard to show you a new song he wrote about his ex-girlfriend. Well I'm not going to pretend like I'm enjoying myself, I've got more important shit to do. For example, later today I plan on going to the aquarium and mellowing out some egos. NO YOU CAN'T COME EEL. It's personal.

47 comments:

The Paper Lion said...

Is he smiling at the camera? What an asshole! Ham it up you soon-to-be-my-sushi-lunch motherfucker!

trulymadlydeeply said...

How the fuck is he supposed to pull out a keyboard if he doesn't have arms?
GET YOUR SHIT STRAIGHT.
And heed the sign. Eels are like electric fences. IN WATER.

furiousBall said...

hey fucker, know this... if you didn't have teeth, you'd be my belt.

love,
furiousBall

Gattina said...

he looks so earnest...

HC said...

Awesome creepy looking animals!

camille infante said...

He will probably bust out a harmonica or some type of flute to play you that song. But that doesn't make it cool.

Kurt said...

Fuck eels. I'm all "Hey look at this cute snake underwater, with a big smile!" and then it eats my fucking face. d

EDP said...

Stoner eels. They'll never amount to anything.

ludicrous8 said...

fucking eels.

Metz said...

Looks like my gramma with her teeth out.

sharazad said...

Eel, you're armless & ugly yet you're laughing at me?
If I weren't a vegetarian I'd slurp your ass up like a noodle.

Get bent, eel. And I meant that.

chaobell said...

That eel is such a douche.

Mister 1-2-3-4 said...

Get the hell outta there before he starts regaling you with his medley of "Eelings," "The Way You Make Me Eel," and "Eel Like Making Love!"

Nic said...

Look at that little expectant smile!

William Heinrich said...

Pretentious little bastard.

Chloe said...

Shit, eel, I can't believe you showed up here. You bought me ONE drink and now what? You think I'm going to drop trow for a $4 G&T?! I CAN'T LAY IT OUT ANYMORE CLEARLY, EEL. We're two different species asshole. Get a fucking hobby.

Insults said...

I can't actually say anything bad about this eel. He ate my ass out once and it was amazing.

Makuluwo said...

AWW. Look at his face. Even -I- can't say no to the little bugger.

brainsack said...

Oh hey Eel! I'm home early and I brought you some... What's wrong Eel, you look anxious? What are you hiding Eel? There better not be anyone in there! Angelfish? That clown fish tickling your balls again? We're over motherfucker! Did that get through your semi-permeable membrane -- OVER! You are literally nothing more than a giant asshole with a face so take that shit-eating look you are wearing and EAT MY SHIT!

trekker said...

You Suck eel! You left me for a clown fish you, Fuck! Slimy Slithering Two Timer! Sushi too good for you. Cat food! Fuck you EEL!

Amelia said...

ugh. good lord, Eel. haven't you ever heard of playing hard to get? of course not. look, you're not bad looking. and maybe if you had more of a personal life going on. but lately it seems i don't even put the key in the lock and there you are, popping your head out, asking me what's new and if i want some of the pasta you're making. i should do the nice thing and say it's not you, it's me... but we both know it's you, Eel.

WR said...

The Eel has no shame. It is obvious that if it moves he's all over it! Just putting notches on his belt...which is weird considering he lacks legs and arms. What a pervert!

mel g said...

this is funny because i actually went to the aquarium and hung out with eels today. then i came home and saw this post. am i a nobody?

hirakendu said...

;)

SHN Handmade said...

This douchebag looks like he's been on an all night bender of meth and Mad Dog. I'm keepin' my distance.

AJ said...

how do these twatbags even play keyboard? CLUMISLY THAT'S HOW! And they're lyrics are so cliche

AJ
xx

baba yaga said...

he's got that desperate-for-a-friend look on his face. like the brittle smile that cracks into a thousand tears
after half a beer.

Eric said...

Maybe a good prank to play sometime would be to move that eel to a jar of pickles, because hey, someone would think the pickles were biting back.

Kerri Love said...

I'd give you the finger but you'd eat it and I'm not falling for that twice!

Dunesdreamer said...

If an eel reaches out....and it bites off your snout....That's A Moray!!!!!

loosegrape said...

Dunesdreamer, thanks for the guffaw. Very good.

nltisme said...

Ugly aquatic sumbitch......

by Jessica Hoppe said...

Looks like a toothless granny saying: want more cookiethsdf?

lowflyin lolana said...

this eel is fucking cool.

Toad734 said...

Ya this happened to me but I actually went up to him. Apparently they can fuck your shit up.

Fuck You, Fuck You, Penguin said...

http://fyfyp.blogspot.com/2009/06/fyp-claims-that-no-one-wants-to-hang.html

Slumberland said...

Wow, he really has some nerve...

First Draught Farm said...

Never laughed so hard in my life, Eel.

Abbie Road said...

that's the face ONLY a mother could LOVE

Alex said...

that eel ruined the party

Ken said...

Everybody sing:
When a fish bites your heel,
And you think it's an eel,
That's a moray.

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Noodley said...

Never mind the eel, already! Check out 10 o'clock by the eel's head. Somebody please tell me if that is some kind of SEA NIPPLE!

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