Monday, May 4, 2009

What is even going on here?


Here we go. The silky fucking hen. What is this thing thinking when it goes outside every day? It's like David Bowie meets Tim Burton meets Colonel Sanders. Did you just step out into the light after a night of clubbing? CHICKENS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO COCAINE, SILKY HEN.

I'm just going to be honest: I'm terrified of you. I don't know if it's the pom-pom specifically or just that I didn't know it was possible to get whites that white, but something about your look says "I'm coming to steal your dreams." So stay away from me, you dream-stealing poultry devil.

87 comments:

Nic said...

What the fuck is that thing? It's terrifying!

M.J. said...

Looks soft....I want to pet it.

furiousBall said...

i shit bigger cotton balls than you for breakfast

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Your funniest post yet. And that's saying something!

The Cheap-Arse Film Critic said...

Yknow thse big hats Russian women wear in the movies?

Exactly

Barb said...

Kids, just say no to static electricity.

Kurt said...

Hey Silky Hen! Get the fuck back in that Dr. Seuss book!

WR said...

Hen, you need a full length mirror - way too much for the office!

The county fairs are months away. Until it's navy blue or black. Read the fine print in the employee handbook FFS.

PersonalFailure said...

Fros are not for hens, you freebasing bitch!

ms toast burner said...

The Phil Spector of the poultry.

Makuluwo said...

LMAO!
It looks like a wasted heavy metal fan who wants to put a roofie in your daughter's drink. :O

Jennifer said...

BZA, I adore you.

I want to inhale your fear and your wit.

YUM.

It's All Good said...

You know my room could use a little swiffering....

Eva G. said...

Monday sucks less because of you, FUP. Thank you for telling it like it is. This stupid critter is like the Paris Hilton of hen whores. Enough with the cocaine already, fluff stuff!

MonaLisa said...

What happens when you lock Phyllis Diller in the henhouse overnight?

THERE ARE LAWS AGAINST THAT KIND OF THING, PHYLLIS!!

The Devil's Daughter-In-Law said...

"Dream-stealing devil", indeed! Looks like my mother-in-law on a humid day.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

LOL at Mona Lisa...

THAT is a serious fashion don't.

Chris said...

Of course you're scared, it's the poultry version of Phil Spector

Crys said...

Phil Spector of poultry ftw

Nicole oh-so Lovely said...

$20 bets it has red eyes under that fluff

love,
www.yourbabyisanasshole.com
www.nicoleohsolovely.com

Caroline D. said...

Now I'm afraid to go to sleep.

The Last Waltz said...

This is a pimp chicken. A high muckety muck in the illicit chicken sex trade. Like Gonzo, only worse.

Fucking chickens is WRONG.

YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM, CHICKEN!
STOP PERPETUATING THE CYCLE!

The only frog with his own blog said...

Looks like a fucking muppet

Locriansharp2 said...

haha LOVE it. Fabulous, dear.

Wes said...

http://www.ericdsnider.com/movies/the-natural-history-of-the-chicken/

'The Natural History of the Chicken'

Check out this movie about Chickens. This thing IS a force to be reckoned with. It's saved lives and inspired movies. I have a feeling it won't stop there.

If you have Netflix, you can stream it. VERY MUCH WORTH KNOWING YOUR ENEMY.

stainedsugar said...

"Dream=stealing poultry devil"?

LOLOLOL

Kelsey said...

I'm petrified of it only because I can't see its eyes. You never know when it is about to attack. I'm watching you, silky hen.

HC said...

huh, where's the face???

gra_factor said...

I'm OVER HERE you big dopey bastard! Stop looking at your feet!

sharazad said...

This is your 3-piece meal on drugs...

River Sol said...

Puff the magic drag hen!

Fragrant Liar said...

Silky, silky,
Your feathers are so milky.
But I know your uppity side,
You got janky, cranky, haughty pride.
You kick banty hen butt,
Cluckin' all crazy with that strut,
Then puff out your frilly headdress,
Cuz you think it will impress us.
Ha, nice try.

Be-A-Normal-PetOwner said...

Take the Saks Fifth Avenue coat off and it's just Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Cap'n Ergo "XL" Jinglebollocks said...

if I blow on it's head, will all the feathers float away on the wind and make NEW chickens, and will I get a wish if I do so??

sumrtime said...

and, btw Hen, stop trying to seduce my children with your "rock and roll" records

electricbetty said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
electricbetty said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
parlez-vous-kiwi said...

Awww I want to snuggle it as my pillow. Mmmmmm. So Flufffffy.

Eric said...

Oh, so that's where Q-Tips come from.

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

That's the funniest thing I've read or seen in a long time. Sure made my turd of a day brighter.

Alexa said...

You think that's bad? They wear their brains on the outside.

http://www.burkesbackyard.com.au/img/archive/328/malecomb_31.jpg

umama said...

where are the eyes!?

Brian said...

Thank God there's at least ONE funny blog out there...

Gael Riverz said...

I have never been so insulted on behalf of silkies everywhere. Stupid crappy cross-dressing penguin protestors who shouldn't be sullying the penguin name with their racism.
A nicer chicken you couldn't hope to meet. These are clear reactions to a photograph with absolutely no responsible effort at getting to know any silkie hens or roosters on an individual basis, which would enable them to draw accurate conclusions rather than spouting rude and raucous cat calls. This effort to elevate themselves 'above' the silkie is pathetic and does not even dignify a response, even though I responded.

hirakendu said...

;)

Eugenia Borkowski said...

stuff and nonsense.

Phat Mama said...

I'm sure it will be less horrifying once covered in the original recipe.

Elayne said...

Phat Mama, not likely... its flesh is dark blue.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silkie_(chicken)

fodMsdlyovVqKA4ITXSzsEDhn.k- said...

Whoa!

Ava said...

<3

Josh Namm said...

It has a freakin' henfro. That aint right.

Allgaul said...

Wearing white before Memorial day, silky hen? Tisk tisk.
I bet it wears white AFTER LABOR DAY, too.
We have RULES, silky hen. Read the fine fashion print!

platypusrex256 said...

silly hen, cocaine is for kids!


...couldn't resist

Tiffany said...

He looks like he wants to start an 80's hair band. Or at least cover one.

Oaktown Girl said...

Sometimes I can't even get to reading your actual post because the title alone is making me laugh so hard. This is one of those times.

[ J ] said...

Dear Silky Hen,

The '80s called, they want their hair back. And their coke. You're the kind of asshole who always asks for coke but never pays for it.

We hate those people.

Regards,
Everyone
http://regardseveryone.blogspot.com/

Josh Elliott said...

My chicks would kick that freak's ass--
http://3chixaday.blogspot.com/

DPLassen said...

I guess we know how Bjork will dress at next year's Oscars.

www.davidlassen.com

jb said...

Hey Penguin

Whats wrong with cocaine and pom-pom's? I think your being mean now.....everyone needs to let loose once in a while even silky chickens fuck.....leave the hair out of this,its all Aveda products and their not tested on animals....so take that penguiy. Bowie...is my bother by the way fucker.

Cheers
JB

Intrepid in the Kitchen- JdG: said...

It makes me want to use it to put blusher on- puffy puffy puff puff! LOVE it!

hello said...

Gelfling! Friend? Gelfling Friend???!!! GELFLING!!!!!

trap said...

they have black skin and meat. weird.

nltisme said...

Colonel Sanders is spinning in his grave at this sumbitch!

Katie said...

By far my favorite post. yeah, fuck you fuzzy hen.

Jay said...

I dated her in the '80's.

Jeremy said...

I have two kids. Younger is 9, older 6. Vibrant colorful t-shirts suit perfect on them - I'm looking for them.

Steve Orner said...

We have two of these things, and I was seaching the net to see if ours are the only stupid ones, and came across this blog. I'm laughing hysterically at the post and the comments. They go under our chicken house all the time and cant figure out how the hell to get out so they sit beside each other and chirp. I have to go under after them armed with a 2X4 to scare them out. Sometimes they even quack like ducks.

TheWoRdsUnsAiD said...

OMFG - my body almost literally imploded the moment I saw the utter hilarity that is this creature.

Keep your fingers out the socket next time, Jackass!

Randy said...

It's called conditioner, asswipe. And don't give me that, "My CVS doesn't have a poultry care aisle," bullshit.

george said...

Silky Hen, it would be wise of you not to go walking by my house or I will grab you by your Silky Hen legs and USE YOUR FUCKING HEAD TO CLEAN MY FUCKING TOILET! Where are these stupid things from anyways? I'd bet the farm it's French. Stupid France.

Noodley said...

River Sol said "Puff the Magic Drag Hen".
I wish I said that! Effing. Brilliant.

I also wish that I said "dream-stealing poultry devil".

As for you Silky, I'll see you in hell!

Scar said...

'Dream-stealing poultry devil' is a phrase that I will now be stealing and using in day-to-day speech.

Teh Notebook Ghurl said...

It looks like a cotton fluff...or like it came out of a disco. What the heck, make up your mind!

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Didrik said...

thinks he's so cool just because he can steal dreams...pfft douchebag

britan said...

Hotel reservations

britan said...

Hotel reservations

koti hu said...

Mmmm...I bet you taste like chicken you little idiot.

Gregg Rosenzweig said...

Thanks for introducing me to this beast. Now I'll never sleep at night. Ever. Again.

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Erin said...

I have almost died laughing at this. Anyway I can be in touch with the Matthew Gasteier? I have a film project I would love to involve him in.

Violet Black said...

I want a silky chicken now!! I will leave it outside my door to eat the dreams of unwanted visitors. <3

casanof said...

It looks and feels as a hairy cock!

Franny said...

@furiousBall: You shit cotton balls for breakfast?!