Monday, June 1, 2009

Baby flying squirrels: a mini-9/11 in your hand


Flying Squirrel, you are a fucking disaster. There's so much wrong with this photo, it's hard to know where to begin. But let's just start with the fact that you can FIT INSIDE A FUCKING LADY'S HAND AND STILL HAVE ENOUGH SPACE LEFT OVER FOR YOUR WHISKERS. I know you think your curled up little tail is going to melt hearts everywhere, but it just looks to me like you're trying to make us forget you can't actually fly. STOP TRYING TO GET AWAY WITH AN INFLATED SENSE OF SELF.

You know, I used to think it was the skin around their legs that made squirrels able to glide through the air, but I'm pretty sure once you get this fucking ridiculous you can float on big-eye-and-little-paw power alone. Just remember to enjoy it while you can, Flying Squirrel, because you're going to get older, and if you don't have your feet on the ground, there's going to be a big wake up call, and it won't involve me feeding you acorns.

64 comments:

daniel said...

Those are some pretty thick fingers

True Blue Liberal said...

Back in the 'sixties they had to make him less cute for his network television appearance with the talking moose or it would have been the end of the world as we know it.

MotorCop said...

Seriously...what's up with the sausages. Methinks the baby squirrel isn't alone in this conspiracy.

PersonalFailure said...

mighty big head you have there, baby flying squirrel.

Jeff Wilk said...

Big eyes like a Precious Moments figurine. Those things are creepy, and so are you, squirrel.

laura said...

baby flying squirrel: floats solely on his giant, inflated ego and sense of self-importance.

Nic said...

LMAO! "you can FIT INSIDE A FUCKING LADY'S HAND AND STILL HAVE ENOUGH SPACE LEFT OVER FOR YOUR WHISKERS" is the best line ever!

Joan of Argghh! said...

"Death From Above" was never so frightening.

Flying rats. Disease-carrying rats gone airborne. WTF?

HC said...

OMG. So tiny!

trulymadlydeeply said...

Oh no you din't.

Grahame said...

Hmmph. All head and tail. You think you're cute? I think you've got encephalitis and glaucoma.

deeps said...

OHHHhh superr duper cute!!

Insults said...

I've eaten one of them.

gregory said...

Get the hell out of there!

Those are hands of someone who does not miss a meal Squirrel,and that pot of water boiling is not for tea.

Daddy Blogger said...

Look, flying squirrel, you and Bullwinkle can just go back to pulling rabbits out of hats and fighting Boris and Natasha. Take your irritating high pitched voice and the dumb moose and go bother some kids, will ya? You're not cute and we already beat the Nazis. Make yourself useful and fight Al Qaeda or something and leave the cuteness to other animals.

camille infante said...

You really can't be too careful these days. Even the baby ones have tricks up their sleeves.

Jamie said...

That's a child's hand! Good god, squirrel, have you no shame???

Talk With No Thought said...

A+. I'm over this squirrel.

Dunesdreamer said...

Watch me pull a flying squirrel out of my hat.....Shit, I think the brought the wrong fuckin' hat!

M.J. said...

Are those ears or wings, dumbo?

ZenGrouch said...

Oh, does the baby want it's mommy?

Well tough shit!

She flew into the ceiling fan, and can't be your momma no mo, BITCH!

im so hikki said...

that doesnt look like a lady's hand. D:

baba yaga said...

must.. fight.. evil... cute... power...
GODDAMN you are nauseatingly cute,
baby tree rat!
quit fronting!
you are a JUMPING squirrel, not a
FLYING squirrel

mkreider said...

Very cool Shar Pei hand.

KPWoods said...

That thing can't fly, it just falls with style.

Beckett said...

This squirrel eats babies.

OK squirrel - I'll admit you're sitting pretty with old banana hands there. You look sweet and timid. Everyone thinks that you're the nice quiet neighbor. Two words squirrel - Jeffery Dahmer.

You thought I wouldn't look into your eating habits? Lets see...tree sap (idiot), insects (gross), carrion (fucking filthy & diseased), bird eggs and nestlings. You heard me - nestlings. You disgusting, sadistic little son-of-a-bitch. Do you kill the babies before you eat them or do you just go to town.

Fuck you psycho. Stay out of my back yard.

loosegrape said...

Fuck the squirrel. I'm more concerned with the amount of blatant handism out there.

mel g said...

but its soooooooooooooo cute

Eric said...

Oh sure, one of them is ok. But just you wait until baby flying squirrel swarming season.

nltisme said...

Cute.Little.FUCKER.....oooohhhh....damn your adorableness! Fucker!!!!!

moonjunio said...

The fingers only appear to be huge because they are so much closer to the camera than the eensy squirrel nestled way down in Palm Valley.

Aeroentropy said...

moonjunio - thanks for defending my mitts - sure, they're not dainty, but they aren't as scary as this photo. Or the squirrel.

Adam said...

Hahaaaa nice.

WR said...

Oh those little F'ers are cute until they leap down the chimney, get into the house while you are on vacation and chew the couch to bits. Come to think of it, that might be the little tree rat born in my couch. Damn. What does his licence plate say - is he from NH?

eddietsunami said...

That squirrel makes me deeply angry just like this little pig. I nominate it next. http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3163/2611857197_217740d11b.jpg

hirakendu said...

;)

toast said...

Miniature things enrage me. THAT INCLUDES YOU, TINY FLYING SQUIRREL. I don't care if that's your "natural" size.

The Single Couple said...

awwwww.... he's so cute!!! =D

Thea said...

I'm sorry but I just melted when I saw this photo.

an overdose of life said...

hahahaha... i just can't stop cracking up over this one... its okay squirrel, this the steep price to pay for fame

talulah gosh said...

check out those claws, hiding beneath its tiny body--beware the claws!!

The Biggest Animals said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Biggest Animals said...

why does it look like its covered in pussy shit?

beth said...

How dare you, baby flying squirrel? Well just remember you are going nowhere in life, you ridiculously cute bastard.

William said...

Cuteness...overload.
*explodes*

Noah said...

Dude. I just lost it in maniacal laughter. you win.

Nobe said...

i wonder what i'm gonna buy my kid for a pet when he grows up. i want something exotic. like this. hehe.


love,
nobe


www.deariago.com
www.iamnobe.wordpress.com

Bald Outing said...

wayyy cuter than the eel!

Technogeekboy said...

Does that thing even have a body? Pathetic.

Isonomist said...

Srsly (and that's at least as cute as the squirrel) SRSLY! Where's its little hind legs? Is this thing half eaten already????

DoubleMan said...

Nevar Forget

Christopher said...

It's plotting it's next terrorist act from the palm of that bitches hand... of course after it leaves flying squirrel pellets...

Steve Taylor said...

This is fucking hilarious!

Fuck You, Fuck You, Penguin said...

http://fyfyp.blogspot.com/

Carolyn said...

um, i believe that's a kangaroo squirrel

opuscule said...

Thanks for your brilliance. Keep 'em coming! Reposted at : http://iamhilarious.com/baby-flying-squirrels-a-mini-911-in-your-hand/

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WANT!

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Jamie Caudill said...

Palm pilot!

Petter said...

douchebag squirrel

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