Monday, June 8, 2009

Glamour shots aren't for dragons, jerk-off


Komodo Dragon, what kind of photo shoot do you think this is? I'm sure you got a facial last week, told everyone you know not to stress you out, and got to bed early so you wouldn't have bags under your eyes. But unfortunately for you, you are a giant poisonous lizard. Pretty sure this is going in National Geographic, loser, not fucking Vanity Fair.

And, really, I'm trying not to dwell too much on the tongue here, but are you sure you aren't just chewing a crowbar? You need to take a good hard look in the mirror and ask yourself what about scaly skin, pure black eyes, and a belly that drags along the floor is going to get you on the runway in time for next year's Fall/Winter collections. I think it's best you stick to what you know, like kidnapping princesses and talking like Sean Connery, and leave the spotlight to the professionals.

45 comments:

Alex said...

this lizard is such a douche bag.

HC said...

Not really a cover model...

drachunter said...

What a jerk.

Kurt said...

What color are you supposed to be, Komodo Dragon? Hobo? You look like you are a bunch of different lizards sewed together.

Jezebel said...

I find Komodo Dragons to be highly offensive creatures. And really disgusting to boot! How does that make you feel Komodo Dragon? I'm sure you feel nothing because you have no soul! I can't even talk to you. Goodbye.

loosegrape said...

Pfftt. Playing to the camera like it actually has a best side. Somebody needs to give that lizard a dope slap. Somebody other than me.

William said...

Something tells me that this photo is going to appear on some magazine cover. The main story? This two-bit bitch face's new take on life after receiving a face lift. Bastard.

J.M. Ferretti said...

And what's with the smile? Oh, I'm supposed to think 'how cute' and ignore the fact that you look like some kind of prehistoric nightmare! Ain't happening 'dragon' - I heard all about what you did to Sharon Stone's husband, bet you smiled just like that then, too!

sharazad said...

Isn't that Joan Rivers?

Ryan said...

http://www.bestweekever.tv/2009/03/26/50-animals-who-hate-baths

Dunesdreamer said...

One word: Botox.

Barb said...

I'm pretty sure this was his profile shot from Dragon Dating.

Dancing Hula in the Sunset said...

You only did one good thing in your life: biting Phil Bronstein.

camille infante said...

The photographer's at fault here too.

GBY said...

Um, I don't want to nitpick, but Komodos are venomous, not poisonous. I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.

Barb said...

They may not be poisonous, but I bet they don't taste like chicken!

liQuid heaVen said...

what a piece of work this bastard. i can imagine him when the photgrapher said "ok komono smile and give me your best face..." asshole!

hirakendu said...

;)

Karl said...

Probably cracks himself up sining "Komodo My Place" in the shower every damn morning.

Insults said...

He calls that look BLUE STEEL.

David said...

Holy Bat Balls, Komodo Dragon, are you "artsy" vertebrate types gonna keep boring us with your "aren't I the new black" pretentions?! Ok, so you've been through your painter phase. Big fuckin' deal! Any dumb-ass poser can slice off an ear. And now you're taking on Naomi Campbell? I doon't thiiink sooo!! Bet you couldn't throw a phone at your maid if you tried! You may have tickets on yourself because you don't need guys to reproduce, but hey, Girlfriend, parthenogenesis just ain't as cool as it was, 'kay? You just gotta wake up to yourself, Bitch! Wanna turn the haute couture world upside down, then go donate your hide - make 100 handbag-happy fashionistas delirious. Otherwise - talk to the hand!

PNB Dave said...

Even your name is pretentious, Komodo Dragon. Can you breathe fire? OK, I didn't think so. You're not a fucking dragon. You're a lizard.

nltisme said...

Arrogant sumbitch...put that thang back in yo' head!

yarravillewahine said...

Everybody knows dragons don't exist. Well except for little kds that buy those sparkly ones in fairy shops.

yarravillewahine said...

Everybody knows dragons don't exist. And we all saw Never Ending Story

WR said...

Perhaps that patch work quilt look is a rag-a-muffin scam to draw 'dinner'in closer to it. Kind of interesting in an disgusting sort of way...

akfireweed said...

Some female Komod Dragon will be sooooo happy. Hey dragon...what's your sign?

akfireweed said...

Commode dragon....I love typos...and beer...

Gattina said...

waaaay to fat to be a model.

Grahame said...

He may be as ugly as a hat full of assholes, but with a tongue like that he gets all the chicks. The bastard.

Noelle said...

that dragon is so going to get his ass kicked by all the other dragons in the nest.

SHN Handmade said...

This aint Americas Next Top Dragon, fucker! Go work your shit elsewhere!

an overdose of life said...

hey you got lazy...

cbowiephotography said...

Love the dragon

jwm said...

I think the Komodo Dragon is friendly and nice. She is smiling because she wants to be your dragon friend, and share some carrion. Wouldn't it be cool to have carrion with a real friendly and nice Komodo Dragon? I think it would just rock out.

JWM

Casey said...

Yeah, it would be nice until it decides to eat your face off. I'm not fooled by this guy, maybe you are, but I'm not.

Miss Sunshine said...

OMG! you win the funniest blogger award! :P :) amazing!

MacPeach said...

screw the lizard! my head exploded at the cuteness of that kitten. is that wrong?

Fuck You, Fuck You, Penguin said...

http://fyfyp.blogspot.com/2009/06/fyp-says-that-glamor-shots-arent-for.html

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Chris said...

I think I know that Komodo (Noname, at the Pittsburgh Zoo) and I have to say, that on top of all that, he's a fatass. It took 8 people to move him so his pansy ass wouldn't freeze over the winter.

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