Monday, July 13, 2009

Baby rhinos better milk it while they can


I see what you're doing here, Baby Rhino. We ALL see what you're doing here. You think by having a mouth that looks sewn on and legs that appear to be taken from a dining room table from the 19th century you can be so ugly that you'll come back around to cute and we'll all forget how ridiculous you look and rhinos will get more publicity and start getting work in show business. BIG MISTAKE, BABY RHINO. Listen, maybe if you didn't grow up into a hulking mass of skin and bones that couldn't pose its way out of a paper bag then this strategy might work.

As it stands, Baby Rhino, your big gamble is just one giant piece of fucking fail. Well, don't expect me to wait around to see your next attempt, Baby Rhino. I've got better things to do with my time than sit around looking at pictures of baby animals trying to be cute all day, and so does everyone else on the internet. CLOCK'S TICKING, BABY RHINO, WHAT'S YOUR PLAN.

Oh, dear God. NOT RUNNING AWKWARDLY WHILE SMILING AT THE CAMERA. What the - PUT THAT AWAY. Wait a second. HOW DID YOU TURN INTO AN OTTER. Fuck you, Baby Rhino.

38 comments:

Beth said...

What the fuck, rhinos - haven't you heard of evolution? Evolve, you ugly bastards!

Baby rhinos had better get the shit right when they reproduce. That's all I've gotta say about THAT.

nsno_83 said...

What a poor, poor excuse for a rhino you are! I mean come on.... where the fuck is your horn??

Actually come to think of it, this looks suspiciously like a fucking pug in a rhino outfit. Look pug, you failed with the lobster effort now you've failed with this....give the game up!

sharazad said...

Ugh- those feet!
Can you imagine bronzing those baby shoes?

Mike! said...

Baby rhino, face it, you're a fucking cartoon. A living, breathing, fucking cartoon come to life. So start talking funny, get yourself some kind of a goofy ass bird sidekick and aim for Saturday mornings where you belong. Don't come back here till you get it right!

The Silver Spring Penguin said...

Three toes, no horns, and ears like a jackass? Pathetic.

Dr. Jay SW said...

So young and he's clearly already got that budding horniness (look at the bulge)...what a fucking perv...

Annie, bossy color said...

It's embarrassing to laugh so hard you snort, even if you're all alone. FU Penguin, can you just be a little less hilarious? Help me retain some dignity, here.

nickopotamus said...

I fear if I keep reading FU Penguin at work I'm going to get fired due to laughing coffee all over the desk...

gregory said...

Go back to Star Wars baby Rhino,and wait around to be sold for transportation.

WHAT the hell?? Leave the Otter out of this baby Rhino!!!!,your tricks don't work here.

It's All Good said...

the one...lonesome...tooth....

I give up!

donkeyinawhitecoat said...

Sticking that tongue out is the last f-ing straw, pal. I mean THE LAST.

Glory von Hathor said...

That's the fugliest unicorn I've ever had the misfortune to set eyes on or read about or see depicted in an illustration or motion picture.

HC said...

Yeah, baby rhinos are so cute!

Desiree said...

HIIIIIIIIlarious!! holy shit!

rosemarygrrl said...

Ewwww, it looks mouldy.

trulymadlydeeply said...

Thank heavens you have taken up this cause, FUP. If not you then by George, WHO, would be able to so strikingly shake these damn cute baby animals into action??! Keep up the half assed berating. Maybe one will actually wake up and reward your heady efforts.

And the awkward runner's stance was begging commentary. Good looks.

Beckett said...

One word for you baby rhino - "Cankles". You don't know what I'm talking about baby rhino? This could be you:

http://i92.photobucket.com/albums/l15/ffivnik8/CANKLES.jpg

If you aren't thinking plastic surgery, then you aren't thinking.

hirakendu said...

;)

nltisme said...

It looks like a Victorian Tea Table.....

Nic said...

Oh my god. I want one. It's got me!

Makuluwo said...

LMFAO @ turning into an otter!
How did he fucking do that. O_O

WR said...

That's it Baby Rhino - there will be no running on the internet! Go to your room this instant - it's all the rhino cuteness I can take for one evening!

I.Mean.It.

Lorrie said...

Yeah, that's right, baby rhino. You want that smile permanently sewn on your face? Keep that cute shit up, and the next thing you know, you'll be a stuffed fucking wall ornament in some poacher's den.

niki said...

how can you live with yourself baby rhino?

William said...

And I thought the lobster and little chimps were bad enough, but you, Baby Rhino, have topped that. Congrats you shit-bag.

Martin Kocsis said...

Yeah, Baby Rhino, that's right: smile at us like you don't know what's going on. Oh hang on, you don't - you put your smile on upside down.


Loser.

Dunesdreamer said...

I don't care what the Rhino looks like, as long as it keeps putting out those great reissue CDs.

hedonisticpleasureseeker said...

http://www.yesbutnobutyes.com/archives/2009/07/the_rosy_lipped.html

I don't know how to email you but . . . Wow have you seen this?

Rachelle said...

baby rhinos have hairy knee caps.

Hayley said...

you are my hero.

Amiga Meg said...

this made me laugh harder than i have in a long time. not sure if that's a sad statement about my life, or a testament to your hilarity. keep on keepin' on.

ferretluvbone said...

"Special" unicorn. Yea, right.

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