Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Japan+Animals=Fucking Disaster


If this was a one-time thing, I would let Japan go. This puppy could have been born anywhere, and really it's just as rude to have a heart on your fur in Germany as it is in Japan. But this sort of thing has happened before. Look at this cow. Now look back at the puppy. Now look at the cow again.

What the fuck, Japan? What are you doing to animals over there? Are email chains that important to you? What other kind of shapes are you going to come up with once hearts lose their novelty factor?

THAT'S FUCKING IT: JAPAN IS NOW A PART OF THE AXIS OF CUTE. This list also includes South Korea, China, and Luxembourg (not even going to link to that bullshit).

But even if Japan somehow gave this puppy a heart-shaped mark on its fur, that's no excuse for that look. So fuck you, Puppy. I just discovered a giant threat to our liberty right across the ocean, this is no time for me to fly over there and nuzzle your freedom-hating ass.

53 comments:

andalltheprettydresses said...

Proof that this puppy is evil: I literally cannot look away from it. My heart broke as I tore myself away from the tab to write this comment...

It's not right. It's just not right.

tea_please said...

I don't know if that puppy is to blame...maybe when he's older, you know? Right now all I see is a child crying to me from his eyes to call the authorities.

Glad you're on it.

Gojiro said...

Looks like that puppy's been at it 24/7, too. I SEE THOSE BAGS UNDER YOUR EYES, PUPPY. Give it a rest, for fuck's sake.

Matt, Robin, and Eli said...

That puppy needs to be stopped.

Check out this obnoxious badger. He got wasted and passed out in the street and got off with a warning because he's "cute":

http://www.thelocal.de/society/20090708-20453.html

tcs3600 said...

He's going to regret that tattoo when he graduates and has to think about getting a job.

Ches said...

Is that a heart, or the inprint of someone's butt cheeks?

Debra She Who Seeks said...

These cutesy animals are clear retribution for Hiroshima. Quit bitchin' -- we deserve it.

That Girl said...

yeah wait until that fucking puppy turns into a fucking creator-eating dog. it will have revenge.

Talk With No Thought said...

A heart? Should be more like devil horns. I will not be sucked in by your patronizing "love." Not buying it, you bastards.

HC said...

Ha, heart shapes on animals... Just love it!

Glory von Hathor said...

Don't try and pull any of that Kawaii shit on me you disgusting little adorable puppy.

tk13 said...

Thanks, Japan. I can now use this as a target to make sure I hit this abomination with an exploding arrow right in the actual heart, Rambo-style.

Mike! said...

That cute little heart shaped mark on his fur is a sure sign that this cute little son of a bitch (Go ahead little dog, TRY denying your mother was a bitch. You can't can you?), where was I?... Oh yea, cute little son of a bitch can and will, transmogrify at will into a fire-belching, two story tall, fucking robot with laser eyes and shit just to frightening to imagine, so don't try and will go out into neighborhoods kicking over trash cans, blowing stuff up and just being a general nusance. I'm on to these Japanese genetic altering experiments like a chicken on a June bug, they make them this fucking cute so they can get close and then cut you into tiny colorful ribbons. Fuckers!

mel g said...

hahahahaha i just got back from Japan and all their animals are really way cuter than anything ever ... hearts or no hearts....

@eloh said...

Japan, well then I'll have a side of rice with this little f'er.

Inspiration Archery said...

hmm well something tells me that hes been tampered with, like genetically,cross bred, which means hell probalby die young, with lots of health problems, so dont worry he wont be cute for long he probably wont live till 10

uberliz said...

We all know STARS are next.

Connie said...

I have a bit of vomit in my mouth.

sharazad said...

Puppies are dangerous. Why do you think they've got him in a cage?And what about that violent gang tattoo on his fur?

I cross the street when I see creatures like this coming.

Gaina said...

Relax, people. It's not genuine, the little bastard has just been screwing around in photoshop.

Shame on you, I.T. puppy.

Sonny Amou said...

Japan: Reclaiming domination of the Pacific Rim one obnoxiously cute puppy at a time.

SA

nltisme said...

Cute little heart-having bastard! Damn you for making me want you...same for the freaking cow! Damn you all!

William said...

Godzilla, watch your fuckin' back.

Eric said...

I worry they are engineering them, like square watermelons. They puppy probably has a pokery name like the 'Jackal of Hearts' or something. Dang.

WR said...

This is dangerous - it will spread. Asian canine cuteness - what is next...electronics?

Noelle said...

Hey puppy, did you drink too much saki last night and wake up with that? And with no idea how you got it? Dumb ass!

Alex said...

SUGOI!!! haha.

Simply Mel said...

I just found your blog, and I am so glad I did...I'm never leaving! Tears are rolling down my face I'm laughing so hard - thank you!

maplepower said...

Finally! A Penthouse for us Japanese puppies! Does anyone have that cute little babe's number or Messenger Live ID? I have a beautiful little furry bow just below my anus that would make us a perfect couple.

Beckett said...

Dude, I've watched enough anime to know how this works. This guy is the final boss. You see a guy from behind holding him the whole movie and talking in some uber deep japanese man's voice. Then after you kill that guy the puppy looks at you and starts laughing in THAT SAME VOICE.

Don't fall for it people. Get within 50 meters of that jerk and next thing you know he grows a bunch of cock tentacles and starts screwing the bejesus out of you.

Makuluwo said...

LMFAO! The cow and puppy are SO innocent and adorable looking, that it's almost EVILLL.

girl6 said...

Fucking puppies, man.

Not to sound like a bigot or anything but way to live up to your stereotype, asshole. What? I'm just speaking the truth and I'm sorry that it's politically incorrect to call out a narcissistic attention ho when I see one.

Look, my dog hangs out with a puppy at the dog park--he's even been to our house once. But he was a hard worker and graduated from puppy school. If he can do it, any puppy can.

But look at Mr. Youknowyouwantme. This jack-off will never work a day in his life.

Just so you know, that spot is not some random genetic whatever. The little bastard ripped out my heart and pinned it to his side. So, see. I'm justified in my attitudes.

Anyway.

That fucking calf with his soft eyes and big shiny nose and tuft of curly hair on top of his head is just overkill. I don't care how cute his knees are. Fucking take it down a notch.


Ha! word verification: nocute

Chloe said...

I'm laughing way too hard at the "part of the axis of cute" thing. Waaay too hard.

girl6 said...

This is what puppies do. They force you to perpetuate your own abuse. I was done. I was out. I'd packed my bags and I was gone. But now I'm back.

You bastard! I hate you! I love you!

Jun Okumura said...

Why are you dumping on cute? And Japan?

* THAT'S FUCKING IT: JAPAN IS NOW A PART OF THE AXIS OF CUTE.*

…axis…

Ooohh, I get it. It’s Pearl Harbor, isn’t it?

Look, get over it, we said we’re sorry. Hey, we surrendered, for God’s sake, what more do you want us to do? And this, from a guy who votes for Obama and thinks that makes up for the last 300 years.

I don’t know what to say about you, FYP, except that you have some serious, serious, unresolved potty issues. Or something like that.

Newsie said...

Cute is insidious. It lurks in our own country, too.

http://tinyurl.com/2vzpvk

Lady P said...

flying over and nuzzling??? oh no - that last bit said it all
you have gone over, haven't you
to the dark side
you are now weighing in on the cuteness axis and allowing it to tip,slip, slide in their favor
come back. come back I say!!!!

Matt said...

Check out the panda mastermind in the front row of the China link:

http://personal.stthomas.edu/dbass/SixteenBabyPandas.jpg

He's not even smiling... he knows what he's doing to us.

hirakendu said...

;)

Kris said...

Don't they do glow-in-the-dark breeds too? I wonder who would win in a fight?

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Ai said...

You realize that it runs in the family, right? Here's this pups younger brother.

http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/slideshow/photo/090806/ids_photos_wl/r3062423169.jpg/

Erika said...

You know, that birthmark CAN be surgically removed. Hand me the Makita Sawsall, please.

GreySky72 said...

Holy Shit I just discovered your blog and I can stop laughing!! Then I found this post... I shit you not I have a picture of a baby horse with a perfect heart on his forehead and yes... I was in JAPAN working with racehorses when I took it! I'm sending it to you, do what you will with it or not. Hahaha thanks for this awesome blog

GreySky72 said...

Can't stop

chris said...

where was I?... Oh yea, cute little son of a bitch can and will, transmogrify at will into a fire-belching, two story tall, fucking robot with laser eyes and shit just to frightening to imagine, so don't try and will go out into neighborhoods kicking over trash cans, blowing stuff up and just being a general nusance.

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