Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Only I can save everyone from this baby gorilla


This baby gorilla got rejected by its mom, and you can totally see why. In fact, I'm not even sure why I'm featuring this ugly bastard on this blog. I mean, look at this kid. WHO COULD EVER LOVE THAT???!!! When I looked at this picture, I threw up a little bit.

San Francisco Zoo: Don't bother trying to help this miserable loser. Send him to me and I will "take care of him." You don't need to know about what I'll do, just know you'll never have to worry about looking at him again. In fact, send me this, too. And one of these. And anyone else you want to send me really. Trust me: you do not want to fuck with these animals. Leave it up to a professional.

46 comments:

Mike! said...

Alright you miserable worthless ugly bastard, don't give me that, "Come here dude, I got somethin' to tell you about." look. I know complete bullshit when I see it, you want to tell me about your new business opportunity, don't you? Well get lost before I drop kick your homely ass right into the next stinking county. And take that fucking ugly alien baby freak and the cleft lip dip-shit koala with you too. You all need a first class ass kicking, that simple.
We need an infusion of cute shit ASAP too!

Talk With No Thought said...

Listen, quit with the “but I just want to snuggle” look. Your mom was right...you're clearly pure evil.

It's All Good said...

whats up with the vag faced Koala?

damn animals

HC said...

I wanna adopt the cutie!

Heather Cherry said...

THanks for taking one for the team, FUP. It's a hard job but someone's got to do it.

The Peach Tart said...

I'm thinking your exhibiting some hater tendencies

David said...

That koala picture was a sucker-punch to the face. Fuck that little shit up.

clubwah said...

I'll concede he's cute. But by the time he's a five year old he'll tear you a new arsehole with his bare hands. The prick.

The Silver Spring Penguin said...

I just want to throw up.

Jezebel said...

Thank the gods! I thought it was hopeless. Now, thanks to you, I no longer need to be afraid of hideous creatures like this!

Gorilla Bananas said...

I think he's my son.

Amy said...

Tell that little shit to put some pants on - so sick of all these animals parading around naked...

William said...

I know guy who teach this smug asshole a lesson. I met a bloke like him before. His cuteness forced me to try and pet him, and when I go within arm's length, he shot a fireball at me and now 85% of my body is badly burned. Fuckin' bastard.

Mason Bryant said...

Listen, I'm a disparate man here -- I don't know where to turn. I don't know where it came from, I really don't care. I just want the pain to stop.

Can you please deal with this:

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/07_03/mallardMS2807_468x397.jpg

...

Hey, I'm waiting, is this thing even on? Crap. This crisis line sucks.

Technogeekboy said...

You're truly a humanitarian. Or a sick, twisted bastard. In the end it's just semantics.

im so hikki said...

really? trying to seduce me with your so-called "cute and cuddly-ness"? i will never fall for it.
you put this on yourself, monkey.

Mister 1-2-3-4 said...

He's totally like "Hey man, smell my finger!" Sick little pervert.

jflorek said...

There goes lunch...

Reverend Humpy said...

There's just nothing quite as cute, cuddly, and diabolical as a baby gorilla. Disgusting, simply disgusting.

kathcom said...

The only thing I know for sure is that I don't want to see It's All Good's vag.

Eric said...

What? Talking into a monkey radio? Little bastard is up to something no good.

yarravillewahine said...

Maybe that's Prince Michael IV. Just to confuse things.

Makuluwo said...

HAHAHAAA! Ohmygawd the look on his face looks almost calculated!
It's like he's all, 'hi im all cute n innocent pls come and pet me hooman', and then you step towards him and he GOUGES YOUR EYES OUT.

nltisme said...

Little fucker stole my BANANA! Give it back!

Fragrant Liar said...

Aw, he's too sweet to mess with. He's precious in fact. FUP, you need to hand this one off to me. I'm a baby gorilla whisperer. Well, I would befor this litle guy. Call me!

Lady P said...

how can i laugh so hard when you are just so f*cking right!?
animal smanimal try that look out on someone who cares

Mike! said...

Sure, today he's a so-fucking-ugly-he's-cute-but-even-still-he's-pretty-fucking-ugly-don't-you-think-ugly, tomorrow he's a savage general in a fucking ape rebellion, and we're just plain boned because we're to busy reading stupid two days of monkey bullshit on line to give a rats hairy flea infested ass that it's even happening. Next thing you know we're sitting in cages screaming "Get you're stinking paws off me you freaking bloody ape!"... Or something like that anyway.

WR said...

Perhaps a small label warning "adult content - do not read before bed time" would help....and then again - maybe not.

Justin Dingle said...

Why ya'all have to be like that. Stop hating on my son.

Polly Hogg said...

blatantly an actual cockney geezer

Grahame said...

Boy I must have been drunk that night.

Rug Lady said...

Reminds me of my daughter's boyfriend.

Joy

hirakendu said...

;)

frigginloon said...

I could make it into a Snuggie blanket for ya. Take a few days and I will even throw in a free reading light. Oh and FU Three Wolf Moon t-shirts.

Bets said...

A friend sent me pictures of a chimp from South Carolina that has adopted 2 white tigers. The pictures are adorable and kick these pictures out of the ballpark. Who knew animals could be so weird? I mean can't they see the chimp is black, the tigers are white-these can't possibly be my babies!


.

Bets said...

Check out the newborn gorilla at:
primatology.net/page/2/

Kathy with a K said...

Ok, I admit it-the bastard got me. I've alread saved one of the photos and I'm currently imagining how this little ball of cuteness will look as my desktop wallpaper...I think I need help.

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bobbert said...

why did you have to be so mean to the pengui? :( meanie!

MotherMayhem2x said...

I was almost able to resist your blank stare. Then you lay your precious evil head on the blanket of grass with that same look on your face. Come hither. I obeyed knowing I was a fool. Aaaaaw!!!!1!!1!!! Fuck you, you fucking monkey!

vicky said...

wooow. ppl rreally immature its a monkey, some cant help being ugly just like u cnt help being ugly either. u guys r fucking dumasses y dont u get ovr urselves

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rustyoneill said...

Aye! WTF man! Look, I know you THOUGHT you would get away with it, but no dumbass... you sure didn't. Don't try to look all innocent and deny it. I saw you with my own eyes. You walked into the kitchen, opened the refridgerator door and fucking farted in all the food! You stupid asshole! Why the hell would you do that... NO, IT'S NOT FUCKING FUNNY! Now I have to throw away all the open air foods. You think it's funny that people in Africa are starving!

Oh oh, you didn't do it on purpose... it just came out? No, you planned it bitch, because I saw you before. You had that constipated look on your face so you were about to go to the bathroom, then you changed your mind and got this shit eating grin on your face because you thought you came up with the perfect crime or something. You looked around and then went at it with your gross ass.

Now, if you ever do something like that again, I'm going to slap you so hard that you'll be shitting bricks for weeks.

PS
The kitchen fucking smells so bad that they've declared it inhabitable and are now conducting tests to see if the they can warrant the fumes as a class A bio-hazard. Terrorists are sending me emails because they want to buy the fumes to use as a chemical weapon. Who the fuck are you?!