Monday, August 10, 2009

Never work with an alpaca

How come every time alpacas feel like the energy is low at work they have to do the worm from Labyrinth? Listen, Alapaca, obscure references to 80s cult movies are no excuse for your fuzzy hair, your bushy tail, your fucking face. And why are you always smiling? Are you purposefully trying to make me love you?

Well you and your whole species have tried to avoid the truth for a long time. You have poor dental hygiene, you look goofy when you get your hair cut, and your small talk is possibly the worst I have ever heard. NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR COMMUTE, ALPACA. You are a poor man's llama. So stop pretending you don't have legs and get back to work.

49 comments:

obladi oblada said...

AHAHAHA...He does look like that worm! Its the second Labryinth reference Ive read today, neato.

Dave said...

One of these goofy fuckers tried to steal my ice cream when I was in Peru!

The Silver Spring Penguin said...

Don't forget: Those things like to spit at people.

Kelly Hogaboom said...

OTOH, as a knitter, their fur, or fuzz, or whatever goddamned excuse they have for all that stuff that comes out of their body, is pretty nice for making hats and mittens.

Raving MainyYak said...

I hear they are delicious, served with roasted yams.

tcs3600 said...

The "face" picture: now I know what my nightmares will be about this week. thanks.

Also, what the hell did the brown one do with its ears?

aubs said...

Ahhh love alpacas. The best thing is that the only sound they make is "mmmm."

So you're all like..
"Hey alpaca."
And it's like...
"Mmmmmm."
And you're like...
"How the weather?"
And it's all...
"Mmmmmm."
Then you feed it some grass and ask how it tastes, and it's like...
'"Mmmmm."

thetruce said...

LOL do u know the guy who wrote this about llamas:

http://animalsneedkisses.wordpress.com/2009/01/24/llamas/

Dunesdreamer said...

If I were a radio DJ or sportscaster, I'd want that to be my on-air name: Al Paka.

Eva Gallant said...

The nerve, trying to fake havng no legs to avoid work!
Disgusting!

HC said...

Haha, he really does look like a worm...

Naka said...

rofl they kept cheing on my scarf and jeans when I met some -_-

hiphophippie.com said...

Where'd his fucking ears go? Oh, and that asshole drank the last cup of coffee and didn't brew more. Do something useful for once, alpaca.

El said...

ugh. seriously: if you had a face like that, you wouldn't want to get up in the morning either.

trulymadlydeeply said...

First of all, you totally had that hair cut in the '80's so come off it!
Second of all, that "fucking face" is the reason this blog is in FULL SWINGING OPERATION. Thank the creator for your livelihood.
Third of all, if you were more adept at using your limbs beyond the keyboard maybe then the alpaca wouldn't have to sit on his when things 'get slow at the workplace'.
Cut this hairy worm some slack! He's clearly got bigger issues; his publicist has had the busiest day of her life thanks to you!!

@eloh said...

Stupid shit, you just look like a big furry turd.

A Dull Science said...

el-lo!
hahaha.

girl6 said...

@eloh--

Totally. They fart in meetings then make that underbite tooth face at you like you're the one who just lobbed a putrid gas bomb right before they take credit for your work.

Fuckers.

Martin Kocsis said...

OK, so like other weird stuff from Peru (like guinea pigs) you probably taste like chicken when I eat you. What's there to be so smug about?

chaobell said...

Where the fuck are your legs, worm-alpaca? And your ears? Do you just think you're too good for legs and ears?

Alpaca #2, that haircut looks stupid on poodles and it looks even dumber on you.

Alpaca #3, your ass looks like an albino Muppet. Have some decency.

And someone get Alpaca #4 an eyelash curler and some mascara, Jesus Christ.

hirakendu said...

:)

Grumbly Mermaid said...

I got your alpaca goof balls right here. They breed them to be in all alpaca Beatles cover bands.

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=52184220&l=80610726b9&id=5245329

**Take note of the comment**

Mike! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mike! said...

What the Fuck is that thing? It looks like something Freddy fucking Krueger would go and shit and then the creepy smiling shit creature chases your poor screaming ass all the fuck over the place till there's shit trails everywhere and you slip on a shit trail and fall in the shit and then here comes that asswipe Freddy fucking Krueger again and he kills you with that in-fucking-sane glove thingamajig of his and the whole fucking time there's this stupid grinning fuzzy ass shit monster watching... So now I'm going to have bad dreams tonight all thanks to this stupid fucking Llama-worm wannabe. Great. Just fucking great.

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Sweet baby jesus!

That is cute!!

Marie said...

I know those jerks have legs. They better stop pretending.

WonderWhyGal said...

I am here to disagree! I own an alpaca farm where I breed them and raise them for their fiber (fleece) where spinners make the most glorious yarn you can ever imagine. That alpaca might look like it's not doing anything but.....that fleece which is worth ALOT is growing.

BTW, alpacas don't spit!

Alpacas are NOT the poor man's llama, actually alpacas are worth more than llamas!

Honestly, visit a real alpaca farm and you will see the wonder, hear the wonder, feel the wonder and know the wonder of alpaca.

Check out my blog and you will see some wonderful pics of what alpaca look like!

martigny said...

Not only are alpacas work-shy sods, they aren't imaginative enough to have their own look. Oh, no. They try to pass themselves off as llamas because it's too much trouble to have a distinctive appearance. Lazy intellectual copyright stealing bastards.

grey said...

looks like a cross between a seal, a blanket and a tentacle. A cuddly hell spawn if ever there was one.

frigginloon said...

So that's how they make Alpaca boots, just lob their legs off and turn them inside out...cool.

Ino said...

I love the Labryinth. :)
Do one on David Bowie. He's cuter than all these little fuckers. ;D

Dunesdreamer said...

Somehow I just cannot hear elementary school kids singing, "Inch-alpaca, inch-alpaca, measuring the marigolds...."

Jun Okumura said...

a shmoo, in its summer coat?

WR said...

Oh shoot, I love Alpaca's. They are sweet, shy and their 'fur' makes wonderful soft socks. So, thanks alot FU,P - I can't think think of a mean thing to say - you've ruined my day!

The up and comer said...

When it runs it is like this:

http://i154.photobucket.com/albums/s245/CDShep66/Animated%20Animals/Llamas/wigglemonster.gif

BAM!!!

Nathalie said...

This shit toally made my fucking hellish day! THANK YOU LLAMA WORM!

Hopelessly Imperfect said...

Haha I loved that :)

Jocelyn Aucoin said...

God bless you. SO FUNNY!

Rosa said...

aw fluddy caterpillallama! xxxx

Kathy said...

Great. I'm going to have nightmares now...again.

buzzgirl said...

I am dismayed to see the character and integrity of the alpaca maligned in this fashion. I have found alpacas to be steadfast, loyal companions, and they have given unselfishly of their fleece to keep me warm through frigid winter days and nights. It is time for alpacas to have a voice and to stand up for their rights. Stay tuned for news of a series of "Year of the Alpaca" Town Hall meetings. If we work together, alpaca lovers can break the stigma that surrounds these fluffy beasts.

Beckett said...

@ Mike!

AhhhhHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAaaa...K...K...K

beckyperlman said...

Seriously, thank you for saying what we've all been thinking for years, and yet have been to afraid to say in public, due to the all-powerful Alpaca lobbyists in Washington and their D.C. power cabal!

Stupid lobbying Alpacas. . .

Brooklyn said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTjr_oCo6uU

BARF.

ClassicalAlpacas said...

If you want to see some alpacas with legs have a look at Rachel's diary at www.alpaca-uk.co.uk

San Francisco Stylephile said...

WTH? It looks like a GIANT caterpillar!!

MG said...

what about these fuckers? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1gZ0x8AVaBI

sswink said...

Ya so that was the funniest thing I have ever read!! I laughed so hard for ten min that I was cry hysterically!

Vanhaitsma said...

Baby alpaca is a legend invented to give a tender name to a different kind of wool alpacas have on their chest, which looks like a nice ball of wool and is finer and softer than that in the rest of their bodies. Alpacas are never sheared before a certain age in which they are already considered adults. Almost everything sold as "alpaca" in PerĂº has some alpaca. The problem is how much. The smelling test is only useful for hand knitted stuff made of hand threaded wool but only after some other tricks. A hand knitted sweater made of hand threaded sheep wool can have exactly the same smell.