Friday, August 21, 2009

The Ten Best Things About FU, Penguin: The Book

**Shameless Self-Promotion Week**

I've been getting a lot of emails this week from people asking me things like, "Do you have any plans for a book?" and "When are you going to make a book?!" Well, the answers are "Yes" and "Right now!" As a handy guide for readers of the blog who aren't yet aware of this HUGE development (biggest news story of the summer, much?) I have put together this list of the ten best things about Fuck You, Penguin's foray into the printed word.

1. ALL YOUR FAVORITE POSTS: The greatest hits with full color photos so you can take them anywhere and spread the gospel.

2. BRAND NEW MATERIAL: A third of the posts are totally exclusive to the book. This means you can say to your friends, "Hey, did you see that Lemur post," and they will be like "Yeah," and then you'll be like "No, not that one, the one from the book," and then they will go and buy the book, too! (Better for me than you.)

3. LITTLE TO NO CHANCE OF THE BOOK CARRYING SWINE FLU: We've listened to the feedback from fans, and eliminated the Swine Flu element of the book. This book is now 99-100% Swine Flu free - guaranteed!

4. FACTS ABOUT ANIMALS: Each post has ball-shattering revelations about the animals you can't get anywhere else. For example, did you know that penguins never use their turn-signals? This is the shit you need to know in order to survive in today's fast-paced economy.

5. THE BEST GIFT SINCE LIFE: Giving this book as a gift to your friend, family member, co-worker, pet, fellow commuter, teacher, student, or Oprah is like giving birth to that person. They will be so grateful that they may come to look at you as some kind of god that has ushered in a new era of enlightenment. This is when you have the unique opportunity to take advantage of their goodwill. You're welcome.

6. HITLER WOULD FUCKING HATE THIS BOOK: I sent this book to a number of scholars who have spent their lives studying Hitler and the Third Reich, and they assured me that Hitler would have found this book to be a threat to Aryan superiority. What's that? You didn't pre-order a copy of the book yet? YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING NAZI, ARE YOU?!

7. EXCLUSIVE INTRODUCTIONS GALORE: I introduce so much shit in this book it isn't even funny. IN FACT, IT'S FUCKING HILARIOUS. Ever wanted to know how I created this site? BUY THE FUCKING BOOK.

8. THRILLING SECTIONS: An entire ALL-NEW penguin section! Domestic Animals! UGLY ANIMALS! FUCK YOU, PENGUIN THE EARLY YEARS!!!!11!!!1

9. I WROTE THIS BOOK: That means the more copies get sold, the more money I make. Don't you want to make me happy? All I want is to make you happy. Why can't you just let me make you happy?

10. A LIST OF TEN REASONS SOUNDS BETTER THAN NINE.

Remember: it is always a good idea to lose your first copy of any book so you have to buy another copy in order to read it. Now go forth!

29 comments:

frigginloon said...

Is it true it comes in a baby seal fur covered version? It was just a rumor I heard!!!

HC said...

Tnx for the information... I really want that book!

Naka said...

:D

Very good reasons I must say ^^

Stan said...

I was indeed wondering if there was a book. I wish you would make mention of it before it comes out. Stop being so humble dammit!! I bought the book so I am not a Nazi.......right?

Aleutie said...

I hope at least 5% proceeds will go to NRA.

Mike said...

Yes but is the website in any kind of book form? That's what I really need to know.

Eva Gallant said...

And will I be receiving my personally autographed copy for my 65th birthday yesterday? At my age and fixed income, it's tough to have to pay for enlightenment!

Dunesdreamer said...

I wonder how many public libraries will be stocking this....

Alaine said...

I agree with Mike. Stop dancing around the subject and tell us whether there's a book or not.

Beckett said...

Book? Is that some new kind of blog?
Please tell us the URL so that I can find the site.

J.M. Ferretti said...

Will there be an audiobook? And, if so, who will read it? Too bad Marlon Perkins is no longer available...

jp117 said...

this shit is fuckin' hilarious

Loreley said...

So, there's a book coming out, you say? That shit is crazy!

Daddy Blogger said...

So now that you have a book out, you should really think about doing a website with some of the content in the book for fans to read ONLINE! (That's right, I used all caps. Here I go again.) OR even add NEW content on a regular basis to keep the fans of your book coming back for more. Yeah, dude, no problem, you're welcome.

G.H. said...

Must...have...book...


http://confessions-of-a-waitress.blogspot.com/

the bewilderness said...

Well,
so,
are we in it?
or what?

Entrepreneur Chick said...

Totally want to make U happy.

Johnny Virgil said...

Here's a question: How did you get rights to the pictures?

WR said...

Please send Eva a signed copy of the book or at least a signed copy of the jacket of the book - you missed her birthday after all!

WickedHamster said...

Wow! This is the best shameless self-promotion EVER!!!

Auntie Karen said...

Great! I can't wait to start selling this book! And getting a copy for myself. And giving it out as a gift.

Derek said...

Oh, I'm on to what you're up to, book. Sitting there all prominently displayed, with your very own snappy top ten list, taking moral cover behind your little "Shameless Self-Promotion Week" headline. Well guess what? You don't get to immunize yourself from shame, book! So be ashamed - be very ashamed!!! If nothing else, hang your warm cuddly little head over the way you flagrantly went into Reductio ad Hitlerum.

You know what really burns my ass about you? If I buy you, then that's another person actually earning an income from their blog, for shit's sake! I've been blogging for three years and haven't earned one red cent from it. How dare you give me false hope that one day I might earn a living by sitting on my ass and posting to my blog! Well fuck you, book, for rubbing my face in how successful I'm not!

You're a blog -- act like it. You're supposed to be contributing to the extinction of the book publishing industry. You turncoat.

Wishing 4 One said...

Man how I want a f-in copy of this earth shatering literary classic. Could you FEDEX me one to Cairo? Shameless asking, and yes i know it won't work, but hey why the f not ask.

Sebastian said...

You know what would be great, if FU Penguin published a book. Is there an FU Penguin book coming out any time soon? I wish someone could enlighten me.

Meg said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jason said...

Actually, Hitler would probably love the book. He was nuts about animals and instituted animal protection laws that were ahead of their time.

Otherwise, I am told he was kind of a dick.

Ketzirah (Carly) said...

We love the fact that you're advertising the book on cuteoverload; very nice!

vkacademy said...

You'll be happy to know it's on prominent display as part of a feature table at B&N.

Arlene said...

I ordered a copy when I heard, over and over, that you had published one. So, where is it? I'm waiting, and I get pretty damned testy when I don't get what I want!