Wednesday, August 5, 2009

When animals collude


Donkeys aren't that cute and, let's face it, zebras are even less cute. When you Google image search "cute zebra," 11 of the first 12 images that come up are cartoons. The 13th is a baby in a zebra costume (no way that baby was gonna fool me, men can't carry real zebras). Obviously, zebras had to do something.

Enter the zonkey. One part zebra, one part donkey, a million parts out of control. Striped black and white legs and a brown body? This is a fucking disaster. What happened to properly mixing your heritage, Zonkey? You aren't supposed to look like napoleonneapolitan ice cream, here, YOU ARE A FUCKING ANIMAL.

Zebras and donkeys ought to learn that two moderately cute wrongs do not make an extremely cute right, but most importantly, let's all hope this doesn't spread. If I see a rhinopotamus any time soon THAT'S ON YOU, ZONKEY.

53 comments:

Nic said...

HAHAHA!! I love the zonkey!!!

It's All Good said...

Calm down FUP, this might just be a donkey in knee high socks...let's hope so for my hearts sake!

HC said...

What a remarkable creature that is!

sincerity said...

napoleon ice cream? more like tiger with a bit of rocky road. What is this nonsense!? (btw, it's neapolitan ice cream...which is part pink..and this monstrosity is not PINK!)

Kris said...

He's got some cute leggings! He should start a trend!

Makuluwo said...

Looks photoshopped to me. :P

Disgusting nevertheless.

Holly said...

There is at least one farm I know of in between Dallas and Shreveport, Louisiana that breeds these. Except they call them zedonks. No lie.

alison said...

omg! that baby zebra's brother is a lion! What do their parents look like????!!!!????!!!

hiphophippie.com said...

That zonkey was clearly bread to be a burlesque dancer. Slutimal.

tcs3600 said...

Another hellspawn caused by gay marriage.

Trixie Bedlam said...

at least, if it's anything like a mule, it will be infertile. THE MENACE STOPS WITH YOU, ZONKEY!

Chidinma said...

Hah, Alison! Well played...

The Peach Tart said...

That's just freaky. I prefer zebra.

Evan M. Lowe said...

Donkeys aren't cute? Good, then we have nothing to fear from the Baudet de Poitou -- what a gem! (see: http://www.fupenguin.com/2009/03/start-fucking-donkey.html)

Mary Beth said...

that is NOT a zonkey. For God's sake, does no one know a DONKBRA when they see it!

Caitlin said...

It looks like it's wearing zebra-print tights! I LOVE IT.

Chicken said...

That's just a wannabe okapi. http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/18/Okapi2.jpg

freezemarked said...

I'm told (you know, by the people who tell you these things) that zebras account for a vast majority of injuries to zookeepers. Apparently they bite like bastards and refuse to let go. So really, what's probably happening is that the donkeys are the masterminds and the zebras are merely their enforcers.

jps said...

You need to bring this monstrosity to the world's attention: http://www.treehugger.com/files/2009/06/lynx-kittens-colorado.php

El said...

Known too as the "zebrass", which also happens to be the term by which mothers address their little zonkeys, as in "Get your zebrass in here right now!"

Loreley said...

Zonkey, for fuck's sakes, man, what is wrong with you?! So you're young and impressionable and desperately trying to fit in with the cool crowd but seriously dude, Lindsay Lohan is not who you want to emulate. Do yourself a favour and stay the fuck away from those cheap ass leggings.

Colleen said...

Google "zorse."

Ashley said...

there used to be a Zonkey on a farm near my parents house. They must lose some of that furry brown hair when they grow up, because I remember it being all stripey. Maybe I'm wrong though.

Glory von Hathor said...

Think you're Avril Levigne? Muppet.

Entrepreneur Chick said...

I am an admitted donkey fanatic. LUV them. Wilbur was his name. He's in donkey heaven. He doesn't read your blog anymore. He told me so.

Scribe said...

Damn you zonkey! I wondered where my striped leggings went! And now you've stretched them out so it looks like I have wrinkly ankles. If I wanted to have wrinkly tights, I would have lent the leggings to the donkelphant and be done with it.

Daisy said...

The legs I can deal with, but the striped ears? Fuck no.

Beckett said...

Those little socks are the coolest fashion ever to grace the family Equidae. Imagine how cute it must look gamboling around the savanna in those little things!

EEEEEEeeeeeee!!

God am I embarrassed. Please beat me to death with a pipe before I search google images for more pictures of these things.

drij said...

"A zonkey (also known as zebrass, zebronkey, zeass, zeedonk, zedonk, zebadonk, zenkey, donbra, donbri, donkra, zebrinny, or deebra)" -- Wikipedia

Seriously? I hate you, zonkey, and I hate everyone who came up with these idiotic names.

Karl said...

> Glory von Hathor
> Think you're Avril Lavigne?

Good one! Personally, I think the zonkey looks a little more intelligent. See here, for example.

Elizabeth said...

I so needed a fucked up laugh tonight. Thank you zonkey. Please just tell me the animal kingdom in all it's wisdom has made this thing infertile.

Kay said...

If it's name was the other way around, it would be a Debra!! I hope it's name is Debra the Zonkey!

grey said...

notice how ashamed the zebra looks?
That's right zebra, now everybody knows you fucked a donkey!!!

kimiko said...

I saw this fucking animal at the San Diego Zoo.
Damn you, Assbra.

frigginloon said...

That's PippyLongZonkey to you!

hirakendu said...

;)

Kirk Dianda said...

The bigger question is, what does "collude" mean?

Tara Rabeumdeay said...

What's next? Fishnet stockings?

Lorrie said...

Jesus Christ, Zonkey. You look like a handbag at a cheap drag show. You better call Cher now, and get those rights to "Half-Breed."

Technogeekboy said...

If this is a real photo, and let's face it, you can never tell with these four-legged bastards, then I find it interesting that the zebra father is just lurking in the background, perhaps unsure of the public perception of his "dip in the donkey pool." Come clean zebra, we know the score.

mitt said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mitt said...

nice stems.

Leslie @ the oko box said...

oh my gawd. I am saving up to buy a donkey to ride on, as my main source of transportation.... didn't even know about the Zonkey!!! ;) I bet that one will be way out my price range. I don't think it's cute anyway, unless it really is wearing knee socks.
http://oko-organic-clothing.blogspot.com/2009/07/accepting-donkey-donations.html

[ J ] said...

Dear Zonkey,

You are a filthy, filthy creature. We hope God smothers you with his spiritual pillow.

Regards,
Everyone
http://regardseveryone.blogspot.com/

San Francisco Stylephile said...

OMG, looks like the kind of design Jessica Simpson might cook up for a shoe.

Jill said...

The ears, oh sweet jesus, it's the ears that did me in.

greg8urbaby said...

Zonkey, it's time to grow up. It's jerks like you that make it hard for the rest of us to get ahead in this life. I know it's a harsh reality, but at some point we all have to choose an identity. So if you know what's right, you will heed my words.

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Scott Kirkpatrick said...

I bet that Zonkey is on a Roller Derby Team.

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