Friday, September 11, 2009

I guess any asshole gets a holiday now


Great, I didn't even know the bilby existed and already it has a fucking national day in Australia. Way to go Australia, I guess it wasn't enough to make up half of your fauna while you were high (wtf the koala?), you had to follow it up by highlighting all of your biggest mistakes.

The worst part is this fucking tool is basically just a rat drawn by a New York sidewalk cartoonist. Having a pouch doesn't all of the sudden make everyone ignore the fact that you are standing like a bunny, peeking out of a tree like a squirrel, and puckering like a Grade A sleazebag, Bilby. AND WHAT HAVE I SAID ABOUT THE HEAD TILT. You know, Bilby, I'm only going to make ONE batch of sugar cookies in the shape of you in honor of your shitty day. That's not even going to be enough sugar cookies for everyone at the party that I'm throwing in your honor. So suck on that.

48 comments:

frigginloon said...

Geez, one minute you're threatened with extinction then the next you are a friggin icon. FU Bilby and no, I don't care you can get cable with those ears!!!!

Clean Living said...

Where do you even live, Bilby, on the top of a giant pumpkin?!?

Pizza Girl said...

WTF is that phallic protrusion on your face? It is tiny. You have tiny dick face.

NutellaonToast said...

Don't worry, feral cats and dingoes are putting these fuckers in their place; on the endangered species list!

@eloh said...

Careful what you say...I'll bet that little fucker can hear you.

Aleutie said...

Next time THIS ONE will be on my Halloween party invitations! Sick dead bunny doesn't even come close....

Glory von Hathor said...

Totes plaige-ing the Fennec Fox's earstyles. Bet the Fug girls will be on your Single White Female Bilby ass first thing Monday.

Nothingman said...

That is one freaky animal. It's like a product of some hideous animal orgy.

N

Trooper Thorn said...

You know who's really pissed about this? Platypusus. Or is it Platypi?

Stone Fox said...

what the fuck? is that a probiscus on your face? honestly. are you an animal or a bug? or are you some futuristic creature that will sucker us in with your soft ears and fuzzy fur that looks like it smells like rainbows, and then you'll stab our foreheads with your probiscus? fuck that.

hiphophippie.com said...

Hey a-hole, you're supposed to have your privates in your pants, not on your face. I wouldn't go around bragging about that thing.

Sweet Lehua said...

You are the new voice of America!!! Fuck all these posers. You tell them all what's what!!

Arlene said...

Usually, I feel sorry for the poor animals you critique, but this little fucker is just plain ugly. Does the bilby live primarily in the billabong?

Sue said...

ahh..poor wee Bilby....everyone is picking on you (((hugs)))

Lily said...

Australia, Oh Australia, creating the best freaking animals ever.

HC said...

Those ears!

Jill said...

Certainly gives a whole new meaning to the term "dick head"

WR said...

So little to like ... and yet cute. I'm taking to tylenol and calling it a night.

grey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
grey said...

did you know that as well as chocolate bunnies you can get chocolate bilbies at easter in Australia? These little bastards are trying to replace rabbits in cuteness, pandas in endangeredness and elephants in big ear/nose weirdness. Good luck bilby... maybe you should work on evolving some claws or teeth or venom so you can fight back against the cats instead of trying to make us do all the work.

Matthew H Camp said...

Fuck You, Bilby Baggins! Put your ring back on and go invisible so I can't see that disgusting face of yours!

Mike! said...

Another complete fucking freak of nature from the Land Down Under. What the fuck is that thing? I mean, come on! Can just about any crazy ass critter go and screw, I don't know, anything else that will let it, and make a freak baby down there or what? I haven't seen so many obvious cross bred fucking freaks since Star Trek went off the air!

Paul the Cab Driver said...

Looks like the love child of Yoda and Master Splinter from TMNT. Way to go Splinter! I thought you said you knew about birth control?

kimiye said...

Must... have... bilby... earrings.

Entrepreneur Chick said...

As an entrepreneur, I see an opportunity. Those ears are big enough to be billboards! Sell space on those ears for advertising. YOUR AD HERE, ASSHOLE.

L. said...

I can't wait for your next post so I don't have to look at the sea lion anymore.

k s said...

"One batch of cookies." AWESOME.
Fight the man! The tiny, animal non-man man.

svasti said...

Hate to add to your fury, but in Australia we also make chocolate bilbys at Easter time, as an alternative to chocolate rabbits. Yeah, I know! I don't think many Aussies knew what a bilby was until that time...

Bald Outing said...

is that some sort of hybrid experimental animal?

VeronicaSalt said...

Hey Matthew,

Did you ever realize that your name means "guest egg" in German? Hopefully this will add a little, pleasant streusel swirl of clarity to an otherwise bewildering existence.

Fondly,

Libby

VeronicaSalt said...

And by the way I meant Gasteier, not Matthew. Just in case you thought it pure absurdity... It wasn't. Except that I said it was guest egg, when really it's guest eggs. That's my idea of a big joke.

inpencilmusic said...

Bilby's, they are such scum! Just sitting around like that. Unbelievable. I shall teach thee a lesson Bilby!!

_____
http://inpencilmusic.com/your-song

Sabreen said...

You are hilarious! But please tell me you're not in to torturing animals or anything! Being mad at them, I totally get it, but please don't hurt any animals!!

hirakendu said...

;)

Don said...

Yes, we do have freak animals here down under...they are called Australians

demoka said...

I'm really annoyed that I've not seen your book here in Australia... I wanna buy it.

XP THe Bilby is pretty much ignored over here. THe only time we get reminded of him is when he tries to take over Easter from the Easter Bunny.

The Golf Club at Johnson Ranch said...

God I love this blog.

Mike! said...

Why are we still looking at this long eared, dick-faced jack-ass?

Jack Gatlin said...

How do I get a holiday named after my asshole?

furbearingbrick said...

NOTE TO THE HUMOUR-IMPAIRED: THIS BLOG IS A *JOKE!* We do NOT encourage the introduction of invasive species, deliberately making certain species of animals extinct, or killing creatures just because they look at us funny (OK, maybe bugs and molluscs, but can you blame us? They're freakin' *creepy*) so please, please, please, please, PLEASE, don't sue the author of this blog. Pretty please?

Trish said...

I have very bad news for the world:

When the baby is born, it looks like a baked bean with legs. It stays in its mother’s pouch for between 75 and 80 days and is independent about two later. Female bilbies have a backward-opening pouch with eight nipples. At six months of age, the bilby can breed and usually has between one to three babies in a litter. In a good season in the wild, bilbies could have up to eight litters a year.

Jane said...

He's trying to play on our childhood emotions by imitating Piglet in that second pic! You sneaky-ass little bastard!!! Leave Winnie the Pooh alone!!!

Rico said...

Bilby, dude, what are you doing? You look like you're playing the part of the clitoris in the "giant vagina" play. And take those stupid fucking ears off, so inappropriate. The nose is perfect though - I guess you're playing the part of "stimulated clitoris" (freak).

cupcake said...

Is there something in the water over there?? This is a freakin horror show of a picture... Bilby you look like one big hemorrhoid.

The Danish Girl said...

ARGH! I got a chocolate bilby for easter and it scared the shit out of me! Wouldn't eat that fucker if it was made of .. ahm.. something even nicer than chocolate!

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rustyoneill said...

AYE! YO! g-g-g-get cho big self back in there!


...

that's what she said?

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