Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Let's fucking do this


You want a piece of me, Hyrax? I will fucking destroy you. Oh, your closest living relative is the elephant? An animal that is afraid of a mouse? Well guess what, pussy, I share a bunch of DNA with the chimpanzee. They don't even get mad, they store that shit in their heads and make a plan, Hyrax. And then they fucking play for keeps. Just like me, Hyrax. Just like me.

So you think I'm afraid of your vampire teeth and poorly developed internal temperature regulation? No fucking way, Hyrax. So get a couple of your buddies, a makeshift knife, and some pillowcases and meet me in fifteen minutes. Because it's fucking on, Hyrax. Oghadisthatababyonyou? And another one? How come they look so creepy and yet so disgustingly cute? WHAT DO THEY KNOW THAT I DON'T KNOW. Oh, no. THEY ARE MULTIPLYING.

You win this round, Hyrax. You can have my apple. Just don't let them bring western civilization to its knees.

55 comments:

mduette said...

Hyrax sounds like a really strong medicine you need to take, ya know, after being bit by snarky little viper teeth, say. These things have creeped me out since my very first mammal books. They're like saber-toothed guinea pigs. I'm stumped. So are their fangs, apparently.

John said...

I wouldn't fuck with him if I were you. He looks mean-cute.

Loreley said...

Oooh, you a mean lookin m'fucker!!! But seriously, Hyrax, you gotta loose some weight, man. That shit's just not healthy. Those teeth are bad-ass but kinda useless given your rotund frame, don't you think? I mean, what are you gonna do?! Jump up at me and go straight for the jugular?! I thinks not.

PersonalFailure said...

It's got teeth . . . like this.

hiphophippie.com said...

That fucker looks exactly like my high school Geometry teacher.

Beckett said...

Just a couple more permutations until the Hyrax version of a Rat-King. Then we're really F***ed.

Aleutie said...

He also has a lightsaber in a paw, they shouldn't crop the picture. GO JEDI!

Eva Gallant said...

Weren't you named after an oreo cookie brand lookalike? and that's supposed to scare me?

Makuluwo said...

LMAO! Damn. A mofo with mad skillZ, that Hyrax.

Cherlindrea said...

This must have been Python's inspiration for the killer bunny.

Kurt said...

I'm totally not intimidated by those teeth because they look just like my first girlfriend's before she got her braces. Yeah. Last year was awesome.

Chrissy said...

Hahaha. I can't really say anything else! :)

Soda and Candy said...

Damn smug hyrax babies. Who gave them their name, Dr Seuss?

Steven said...

Take a look at yourself, Hyrax. Have you ever heard of an eyebrow trimmer? What a loser.

Jason said...

There are more!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/15531225@N03/1853137390/

sharazad said...

Related to the elephant? Says who? These low-class animals are always claiming famous relations
"Dumbo?Oh yeah, he my cousin."
Yeah right. If he was all that, he could afford braces.

Gaina said...

I bet you - like me - have often wondered would happen of Nosferatu shagged a guinea pig. Well, now we know...

Paul the Cab Driver said...

Splinter? Is that YOU??

Randy said...

Ok, by the looks you, I'm thinking some rodent somewhere fucked a close relative.

Glory von Hathor said...

Nobody sees Pacey in that face? Bit of the ole D.C. Paceyfacey? No?

peedee said...

shit. Patrick Swayze missed the Hyrax post. Thats sad.

Laura said...

too soon, peedee, too soon!

HC said...

Oh no that picture... Not so close, please!

Karl said...

Cripes, get a chin, you loser, and quit imitating FDR!

Mike! said...

Give me a fucking break. Overweight common garden variety rat with fake Halloween vampire teeth. Big fucking deal. What? Those ARE it's teeth? You have to be fucking kidding me 'cause them are some first class fucked up fangs, right?
This fucker can't fly, can it? Cause that'd suck, seriously.

WR said...

Careful folks...this guy's day job is as an IRS auditor!

skwilli said...

They are tribbles, I tell you!

Stone Fox said...

Hyrax, why are you so MAD? Don't be angry, it's totally not a good look for you. Do you see the giant frown line forming? Anger isn't supposed to be pushed down deeper into a box that lives in your stomach. Get some counselling, Hyrax, don't hold the anger in. God, I'm totally stressed just looking at you.

Dave K said...

This creature looks like the Disney creature who seems evil at first glance, then turns out to be the good_creature_you_didn't_expect_because_it_looks_evil.

Sue said...

whatever about the teeth...the look in the eys of the threesome is downright scray! They are planning something man...and you are IT!!!

Cheryl said...

I haven't laughed so hard in a while!

Entrepreneur Chick said...

I just wrote "Bad Apple Employee? 3 Steps to Take"-

(1)Get rid of them.
(2)Get rid of them.
(3)Get rid of them.

But it would have been SO awesome to throw a Hyrax in this dude's car as he drove away.

hirakendu said...

;)

girl6 said...

Uh, hydrax. I called the elephants and after I got transferred like, 30 times, their rep came on and was all like, "No comment."

Funny thing is, I could hear all this shouting in the background and this whirring sound like a bunch of paper shredders working overtime.

*backs away with hands up*

So, you know. I don't know what to tell you. The internet is *forever*, dude.

leamal said...

What mindfuckery is this? First I thought "not cute at all".. and the longer I looked, the more you grew on me. Now I want to take you home and cuddle you till you pass out. Damn you.

Jane said...

That last set of babies looks way too smug. They need to be told.

Grace Matthews said...

I think you found the lead character in the next movie of the Twilight Series

Demis CousCous said...

I kicked a hyrax in the thorax, then I filled his mouth with Borax.

Fucker went and died, so I went and cried. Actually, I lied.

lizalia said...

you are fucking brilliant; i have not laughed so hard as i did when i picked up your book at borders. you are twistedly brilliant. your work truly is among the ranks of swift's 'modest proposal', and i have a new homepage ;)

Rico said...

"Hyrax" . . . seriously? What, did your parents name you after some Greek warrior and give you those fake fucking teeth so nobody would bully you? Well guess what, I looked that shit up and your name means "shrewmouse" - haha dumbass! Lose the lame-o scowl and take those things out of your face before I shave you and smash your WOW action figures and stick the pieces in your ears.

ilovecoolthings said...

so you're saying i shouldn't go through with the vampire mold my dental surgeon is working on?

ps i love you

blogger said...

I would like to grease this animal, set him on fire and throw him into my neighbors home.

Roflopagos Island said...

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J.G. Francis said...

I read once that AC/DC really only wrote one song, but that was one kickass fucking song! This is your greatest entry of all time. Solid fucking gold. I can't stop reading and laughing. You win this round, Penguin fucker!

Drew B. Dope said...

Hahaha I just love the fact that you called it a pussy. Maybe it was the fact that in my head it was said in Arnold Schwarzenegger's voice. "Stop whining you pussy!"

cjumper said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
cjumper said...

AMAZING HYRAX FACTS:
(1) If you want to keep kosher, you cannot eat a hyrax. (They don't really have the wrong kind of hooves, but long ago people thought they did, the relevant proscriptions were never updated.)


(2) Spain was named "Land of the Hyraxes" when Phoenecians saw rabbits there and mistook them for hyraxes. That name for Spain was latinized as "Hispania."


There are plenty of Youtube movies of hyraxes being good pets, running off baboons, etc.

DarkSock said...

I peed in a horse once.

Robee said...

what a meanie looking teeth...i seem to remember someone with the same set of teeth....

Idiot Dipshit Losers said...

I'm with you, this fuck needs to die.

El Caganer said...

Hyrax can eat its weight in porch meat.

Pink Love said...

Hyrax sounds like a really strong medicine you need to take, ya know, after being bit by snarky little viper teeth, say. These things have creeped me out since my very first mammal books. They're like saber-toothed guinea pigs. I'm stumped. So are their fangs, apparently.SB Nike dunk

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rustyoneill said...

aye!? hyrax!? what the fuck are you looking at? huh? what you think this shit is funny? are you laugh... are you f u c k i n g laughing at ME?!! Oh FUCK you man. no, NO, FUCK YOU to hell brah! yeah that's right, BITCH. I said it, now what trick. whatcha gonna do faggot?! yeah that's right, that's what i thought. all talk and no fucking game. yeah, walk away pussy. Walk away like that bitch i did last night walks her thick ass to the bus stop... IN the suburbs.

Buy Gifts said...

Related to the elephant? Says who? These low-class animals are always claiming famous relations

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