Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Sea lions use flippers as an excuse


Not having normal arms and legs is no reason to avoid taking care of yourself, Sea Lion. The water is literally right there, would it have killed you to say to the photographer, "You know what? Hold on one second, I'm just going to wash off this sand that is covering my entire body." I'll tell you one thing, there's no way my dad would have let you in his car in 1989.

If you had just taken the time to make yourself halfway presentable, I wouldn't have such a serious problem with you. But instead, I want to hand wash all of the sand off of you and wrap you in a towel until you warm up. That is not fucking okay, Sea Lion. I have a reputation to uphold. So get your ass together, trim those fucking whiskers, and stop pretending like you're the king of the ocean just because you happen to be named after a lion. IT'S JUST A NAME, SEA LION, YOU HAVE TO LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE. You don't get to avoid pulling yourself up with your own bootstraps just because you wouldn't be able to wear boots.

44 comments:

Caitlin said...

Damn it's little foot-less tail.

mduette said...

Dude...I think he just flipped you off.

Melissa A. Robinson said...

I did not understand your weakness for this seemingly innocuous seal until I clicked the photo to see the bigger more detailed version. Oh! Seal! My day is now shot. Those eyes, those whiskers. Oh, Seal.

Geophile said...

It's the eyes and lips--I didn't even know sea lions have lips!--that are killer. Actually, I think you let him off easy. What's the use of a day without cats if we're going to be assaulted like this?!

Lily said...

jesus, what a homeless person. i think i need to give him a flower.

hiphophippie.com said...

I think he's praying we'll think it's salt so we'll give him a tequila shot. Nice try, Sea Lion. Save the binge drinking for us humans.

Glory von Hathor said...

Now I really want a donut.

Arlene said...

You were way too harsh with that poor little guy. He's just trying to figure out which of those big blobs is his mama. The others have been kicking sand on him, while he searches!

muffinbutt said...

His eyes are so soulful it's criminal. Are those grown-up sea lions in the background or just large boulders?

Karl said...

Major ZOMGs about what Melissa A. Robinson said re. clicking for the bigger version! It's like a newcueler asploshun of excessive cuteness. Don't they have laws about letting this sort of thing on the internets?

Mike! said...

How would you feel if your closest and best, if not only, friend in the world was a rock? Huh? Yep, that's what I thought.

Paul the Cab Driver said...

Hey, I know it's not a baby seal; it's a baby sea lion. But can we still club it?

melissa bastian. said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOHbytk4pLA

peedee said...

Do. Not. Click. The. Pic.

Your doomed to love him and want to keep him safe if you do.

For real, I'm obsessed now. shit.

WR said...

Just when I think I'm immune to cuteness you had to post this little sand covered guy. Even if it wanted a spa treatment - would the sea lion parents allow us to get that close - I think not.

Eva Gallant said...

Why is it that when someone tells you not to do something, you are overwhelmed by the compulsion to do it? Damn! How am I supposed to forget that???

Daisy said...

What I want to know is, how the hell did this guy manage to get Heidi Klum pregnant all those times?

Jill said...

Great. I did it. I clicked. Why seal... WHYYYYYY?!?!!

martigny said...

Jeez, you lot. You've been hyp-mo-tised by the cuteness. Just keep in mind that while you're being distracted by ol' big eyes seal lips over there, his mates are sticking their flippers into your pockets and nicking your wallet and mobile phone.

beakerj said...

Okay, unitl I read this I didn't even know you could magnify those photos. And I just had to go & do it, didn't I? Now I'm going to have to go on a quest to wipe the sand away from his teeny tiny eyes...& how am I going to do that when I'm still binded-wiv-da-cuteness? Tell me that.

Paul the Cab Driver said...

Reminds me of a girl I used to date. Cute photos, but her parents were fat as a walrus, and she smelled like fish. I have no taste in women.

frigginloon said...

That's not friggin sand you lazy assed blogger (leaving us with a post we couldn't friggin comment on!) that's friggin seal dandruff!!! Stay away from that fucker it's contagious!!!

BlueSophia said...

STOP! I clicked the pic. I'm going to die of a cuteness overdose.

Gouthe said...

Yesss!! Hahaha - He's back.
1989.. This is Golden.

HC said...

OMG so f****** cute!

Loreley said...

Oh, God, it looks like it's blowing kisses. Stop being a diva, seal lion, the whiskers were enough.

Ben said...

You can see the soundstage and all the equipment in that little bastard's eyes when you zoom in on the large photo. This preppy-haired little punk is setting us up...I bet it's the same stage they filmed the moon landing on.

Makuluwo said...

LMAO. Man. Sea turtle, you are such a fuckin-

I can't do it. He's just.. STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT DAMN YOU.

Sh*ts & G*ggles said...

Oh my GOSH that was funny. Thank you.:)

hirakendu said...

;)

k s said...

"IT'S JUST A NAME, SEA LION, YOU HAVE TO LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE."
God, I love FUPenguin caps!

Laura said...

Its true- click on the pic and be enslaved to his adorableness. I literally cried out at the cutness. I want to gently wipe the sand off his face so its doesn't get in his wittle eyes, Crap, now I'm using baby talk. Arrgh!!!

mued325gabrielle said...

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=30787566&id=1155960396#/photo.php?pid=34276926&id=48610768&ref=nf

I'd love if you shared your thoughts on the above pic.

Paul the Cab Driver said...

Awww he's so cute. I'll bet he'd make a nice dinner for a great white shark. A little teriyaki sauce, maybe some scallions....

TheWoRdsUnsAiD said...

Oh, okay. So first the little shit was absofuckin'lutely adorable in in the medium sized photo but then I had to get smart ideas from Melissa's comment and blow it up to full size. And now I... I can't. I. Just. Can't...

(Sigh)

Shit.

Thanks a lot.

Annie, bossy color said...

Wear boots...or pull them up.

cuteanne said...

Sometimes I wonder where do sea lions get the nerve ;-)

gaffergirls.com said...

gaffergirls love

FU PENGUIN..

our best
mona & the gaffergirls..

ps.. thanks for making work a little easier.. someone's life is more messed up their ours.. ;0)

yeah where's he's cardboard sign begging for .59 cents..

homeless seal.. I'm crying for him now ...where do we send the money...

EDP said...

Sea lions have no work ethic, and they are notorious assholes. Unfortunately, the world is full of flipper apologists.

Rico said...

Penguin, who do you think you are fooling? "Sea Lion" indeed. I enlarged the pic too and now I can see that your mom sewed you a sea lion suit that you don't fit into all the way, leaving your back legs/flippers/whatever all floppy and cute like my niece when she wore a bear costume for Halloween and the feet were too big. Nice try douche-bag!

MotherMayhem2x said...

Oh little seal, I was almost lured by your sweet siren's song. My nurture nature barely controlled. But I know your games all too well. You desire my soul, only to rip it out! Then on to the next victim. ADMIT IT!!! You will never be happy without all the attention. Well when you lash out and cry for help, I will no longer be your fool.

greg8urbaby said...

No wonder Orcas eat these assholes. This one is definitely a day-ruiner of the most heinous kind. He actually made me NOT want to club him. Touche, seal. Touche.

rustyoneill said...

why is it that when I look at you all i can think of is that the song "all by myself" seems to be playing in the background? I know why cuz you'z a ho... HOMO! yeah i know you're dirty little secret and now i'm tellin the world. HOLLA! ACTUALLY I take my "holla" back. I don't want you to holler, because you're gay and I'm not and i don't want you to be confused and think that was a come on. BECAUSE IT WASN'T. get it through your head now, becasue i don't want this coming back up later.

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