Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Stay away from my family, Gerenuk


What is it about weird antelopes? Gerenuk, you are so adorable, yet so terrifying, like a Disney character that ends up torturing Bambi's mother while Bambi watches. You have a normal torso, but other than that I am creeped out by literally everything else about you.

It's the head that really gets me, though. You could have weirdly long legs, a bushy mohawk tail, a weirdly thin, long neck, and ears with pitchfork marks inside of them, and if you had a normal-sized head, I would be like, "Touché." But your head basically makes me want to write my congressman about starting a government agency to monitor your movements and make sure you haven't started any international money laundering networks to pay for your secret takeover of my brain. So just keep eating from that tree, hold your hooves where I can see them, and don't appear in any movies where you can talk in a funny voice, Gerenuk. I wouldn't want to have to do anything we'd both regret.

59 comments:

Eva Gallant said...

Seriously, that is one bizarre- looking dude! Like some kind of genetic mutation that grew up too close to Chernobyl! Arghhh!

The Silver Spring Penguin said...

That's one creepy looking bastard. He's totally ripped from the shoulders down, with rippling leg muscles and a thick torso.

But then that long, thin neck and its shrunken head. Looks like a fucking Q-Tip. I wanna jam it into my ear canal and swipe away all that wax.

Joby said...

Thats definately an antelope born from the rape of its mother by a dwarf giraffe.

Generik said...

Motherfucker stole my name and thinks I won't recognize it because he replaced the I with a U. Fuck you, buddy, get your own goddamn name! How about "Antelopey the Pinhead"?

Generik said...

Creepy-ass bastard.

Nic said...

That's the weirdest looking thing I've ever seen.

Glory von Hathor said...

I can see where the puppeteer puts the arm in to operate the head segment - that's fooling no one. But where does the rest of the puppeteer's body go? I don't get how he holds it.

Jennifer said...

He reminds me of a witch doctor with a shrunken head.

HC said...

Thats a weird pose...

Technogeekboy said...

It's head is tiny so it can tunnel its way into your brain like that evil insect from Star Trek. Clearly this abomination is also from outer space. Probably somewhere where they breathe creepiness instead of oxygen.

goldfish said...

It's called a gerenuk, there is no such thing as a generuk.

Fuck You, Penguin said...

Oh, yeah, Goldfish? Well, I did it on purpose because it's opposite day, so I guess the jokes on you!

PS. I'm sorry about when I was five.

Mister 1-2-3-4 said...

I think Fred Blassie describes this weirdo best: "Pencil neck geek, grit eatin' freak, scum suckin', pea head with a lousy physique."

G.H. said...

What a creep.

http://confessions-of-a-waitress.blogspot.com/

Zoe Right said...

Big body, little itty, bitty head

Zoe Right said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Generik said...

It's called a gerenuk, there is no such thing as a generuk.

Are you saying I don't exist?

grey said...

reminds me of the push-me-pull-you

trekker said...

Fuck You!! You really should watch how much acid you take.Its out there buddy! Whoaa!!!

Connie said...

Notice that head is smaller than ALL other body parts. Ewwwww

Soda and Candy said...

He's totally using that long neck to peep over your hedge, the pervy bastard.

Tyler H Brown said...

Dude, and why the hell do his front legs look like they should be his back legs? The fuck? Get it together, Gerenuk.
THB
http://thingsithinkithinkithink.blogspot.com/

Laura said...

Holy Mother of God! This thing is so creepy it makes me think, "hey, extinction of an entire species might have a bright side." I'm just sayin'...

Holly said...

Reuben's gonna be PISSED someone's taken his schizam: http://www.freakingnews.com/Ruben-Studdard-Pictures-31920.asp

www.hollysdailyrant.blogspot.com

Holly said...

Hey, who got that shot of Olive Oyl?

Larry Sanguinetti said...

It's not that the thing has an unusually small head, it's just that his neck is 17 feet long. The photo captures him with the head further into the background than the rest of his body....

hiphophippie.com said...

That thing's other car is a spaceship.

frigginloon said...

You know what they say about Gerenuk's with small heads!

psychiceveryday said...

I think this weird looking thing is messing with all of us, but I agree: it sure is creepy. I wonder, does its body get stuck in small openings it can get its tiny pinhead through but not its fat ass?

Paul the Cab Driver said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Paul the Cab Driver said...

No self respecting hunter would ever bag one of those things. Imagine dragging its carcass to a taxidermist.
You: "Hey, can you mount this thing's head? I want it to hang over my fireplace>"
Taxidermist: "What the fuck is that thing? Is that one of those weird ass jerry-nooks? Gear-nooks? It's some kind of nookie."
You: "Just stuff it!"
Taxidermist:" No you stuff it! No motherfucker comes into MY shop and gets mouthy with me! Now get out! And take that mutant burro with you!"

Paul the Cab Driver said...

I hope its rabid.

Paul the Cab Driver said...

I usually don't post more than once, but this creepy bastard had me up all night, thinking about it. Its part antelope, part giraffe, part goat. Little fucker can't be trusted! And it's waving its penis around in front of children! It is living PROOF of evolution because no god would ever create something as goofy and fucked up as this.
Gerenuk, you are a disgrace to the entire class mammalia, and I say that as an alpha male. Go soak your head. Maybe it will swell up and you'll look a little normal, you pin-head mutant fuck.

Rachel said...

Love your blog -- surprised this morning, though, to see a photo by a photographer I know!!!! ATTRIBUTION! Can't you, like, link the photo back to his page at least or something???

http://www.despines.com/pictures/Animals/Mammals/Antelope/Gerenuk/mammals2.html

Other than that, keep up the great & important work...

hirakendu said...

;)

Ms. Case said...

LOL! That damn pin head antelope. I'm just bothered by it all. Why the hell is he standing up like that. It's odd and really creepy...

stop looking at me like that you antelope!

Mike! said...

He's made that way so he can jam his head up his ass with little to no effort. Did I mention he's in poltics too? As if I needed to tell you.

Holly said...

Is that a giant African toothpick?

Bald cats scare the hell out of me -> http://hollysdailyrant.blogspot.com/

Alexis said...

The head scares you!!?? WTF, didn't you notice its freakin' ears?? Those fuckers probably pick up signals from space.

uosuaq said...

It's like God wanted to leave us proof of his own non-existence...

Nina said...

Your book is brilliant. Thanks for having so much talent.

sonali said...

how can u write soooooooooo many posts so frequently......fromwere do u come up with such ideas??? HATS OFF TO YOU......FIRST TIME THE READER IS FALING SHORT OF TIME BUT NOT DA WRITTER.....great work, keep writting, although i might not b able to comment all da time, but i do read all da post since i have joined u, infact tryin to read on all da ones i have missed, but its an ocean of posts which will take years for me to read.....

La said...

If you rotate the picture 90 degrees to the left and look only from the upper part of the torso to the neck (before the weird face)..remember to close your eyes a bit..and forget the fact that he is a antelopes, then you could see a different picture of a JUMPING KANGAROO

kilo papa said...

From the neck up it reminds me of Christian apologist/douchebag J.P Holding.

lish said...

I love how your book made Entertainment Weekly's top 10. I about pissed my pants with excitement when I saw that.

Oh yeah, what the fuck is that freak deer reject sideshow of an animal doing?

lily said...

LMFAO this shit is scary!

Xila said...

The gerenuk really is made by Disney. Here is a baby one fresh from their labs. Look how pissed he is.

http://land.allears.net/blogs/dnews/walt_disney_world/animal_kingdom/

lily said...

LMFAOOOO @ Xila

That's strange...:\

maria said...

All I can do is drop my jaw and let it hang. My god.



www.struck.blogg.se

MizTiz said...

oh sweet jesus...if i were an animal, that's what i'd be.

the gerenuk is the pixie-faced pinhead of the animal world.

help me.

www.TizandAss.blogspot.com

Paul the Cab Driver said...

This "thing" is mentioned in the Bible you know: Genesis 2:79-82 "And on the evening of the sixth day, around five o'clock, God said, Behold! We needeth one more antelope! So he began to look for parts meet for to make a new antelope. But all he had were a few parts left over from other greater creatures. So, sighing deeply, he assembledeth a new creature entirely from parts he had around the garage. And when he had finished, he looketh at the clock an sayeth, "It's Miller time, and I'm taking tomorrow off." And behold, all of the angels of heaven didst laugh, and mock the new creature. And they called him gerenuk, which in the Aramaic means goofy-pinhead. and they stuck him in a closet outside of Babylon which was nowhere near Eden."

Kourtnie McKenzie said...

I'm trying to explain this blog to my mom and she doesn't get it. I've joined the buy-multiple-books Fuck You Penguin cult!

Amandasaurus said...

Bloody hell that thing is obscene!! The face alone reminds me of the forest god from Princess Mononoke... Which in turn makes me question why I like that movie so much o_O

Snug N Luv said...

That is unbelievable. I need a magnifying glass to see the dudes head. Totally effed. Made me lol.

Rico said...

Woah, Gerenuk, your junk is bigger than your head! You're like the Dirk Diggler of the jungle . . . rock and roll.

Pete said...

It looks the long necked peewee head monster in evil dead 2. Luckily Ash chopped that things head off with a chainsaw. But what about this one?

Jody said...

I've never seen a creature like that, but that was funny!

Hem said...

أخبار مصر اليوم اهم الاخبار المصرية والعربية أولا باول بين يديك كل الاخبار المصرية من أخبار سياسية رياضية أخبار اجتماعية أخبار فنية أخبار التعليم ونتائج الامتحانات نتيجة الثانوية العامة نتيجة الشهادة الابتدائية والاعدادية الى جانب العديد من الاخبار المنوعة الاخبار العربية والعالمية أخبار مصر اليوم الخبر فى لحظة بين يديك .

فاتورة التليفون ـ اذاعات عربية ـ قنوات فضائية ـ العاب ترفيهية ـ دردشة مصرية شات مصرى ــ صور

blacklisted said...

I was certain that you photoshopped this and were trying to pass it off as a real animal, but then I Googled it and it was all disturbingly real. They seem to be standing on their hind legs a lot in the pictures, and what the fuck is that about?