Monday, October 19, 2009

Fucking penguins, right fellow humans?


Hey, everyone! I'm back from vacation where I was doing all the thing that humans like to do! I went to the aquarium, ate lots of chicken, and totally walked one foot in front of the other. It was the best! But I'm back now, and it's time to start back in on those damn penguins. Look at this guy, right? I mean, what a little fucking show-off. HEY PENGUIN, NOT EVERYONE CAN BE SO AWESOME, KIND, AND THOUGHTFUL. Jeez, what is it about penguins that makes them think they can get away with being so personable when they aren't even people? I met this one penguin on my vacation, and he had the nerve to show me around his colony, cook up a nice meal of krill for me, and even show me a bootleg copy of the outtakes from March of the Penguins they had to keep out of the movie to avoid a NC-17 rating. It was probably the most fun I've ever had, and I never wanted to leave.

Penguins, I'll tell you. Thank God I'm not a penguin. That would be totally not true. Thank God we're all not penguins, right people?

36 comments:

Olofsson said...

Thought you might like, or dislike rather, this guy:

http://cuteoverload.com/2009/10/19/the-sheik-of-wallaby/

The Silver Spring Penguin said...

Admit it: You looooove penguin. Love 'em, love 'em, wish you could be one of 'em.

HC said...

Yay, so happy you are back!

Nikki said...

Oh la-dee-da, so you're wearing a tuxedo you little smarmy bastard. Yeah? Let's see you fly! You're a bird afterall right? So fly for us you uppity little shit. Oh wait.... you can't. Jerk penguin.

Christopher said...

Lost your edge, eh? Little rusty after a month off? Let's see if you can get your groove back, or if this is the beginning of the end...

The Velvet Milkman said...

WELCOME BACK!

Justin James said...

Amen. Welcome back.

Becky said...

Nice try, Mr. Ooh-Look-At-Me-I-Waddle-When-I-Walk-and-I-Slide-Around-On-My-Belly-For-Attention,


You're not fooling anyone.


Go back to Antarctica!

Maria-Thérèse afiori.com said...

You know you love them! You really, really love them!

Eva Gallant said...

Welcome back; but I'm concerned...have you mellowed while taking a break?

Aleutie said...

Pinguins are fat!

nikki7 said...

Bought your book. It is AWESOME. Laughed until I literally cried.

peedee said...

yay! Thought you'd been eaten by penguins or something.

Sara said...

Yay!!! So glad you're back!

You tell that waddling asshole what's what.

The Brothers said...

Welcome back!

Stew said...

See, I live in France. French for penguin is "pingouin".

Except if you call a penguin a "pingouin" in France all the french people will shout at you and tell you that what you are looking at is not a "pingouin" but a "manchot".

They are very pedantic about it, "pingouins" come from the arctic and are auks and can fly, and there is only 1 species left. What everyone else on the entire planet calls a penguin, those tuxedoed bastards, come from the Antarctic, can't fly and are "manchots".

Now put "manchot" into google language tools and it will tell you penguin. Put "pingouin" into google language tools and it will tell you . . . penguin.

Bloody French.

Donna said...

So glad your are back! I bought your book and love this site.

Kellye said...

I went to Sea World this weekend and those bastards kept swimming around like they were something special.

Happy Feet ruined everything. Bitches.

Ása Johannesen said...

Welcome back! I've missed you.

rachielove said...

ohgod, I'm so glad you're back. I was checking every day and it made me sad to see no rants at adorable animals.

de Brito said...

Hey, you have gone soft dude !?

In fact, I don't even think this is you at all!

Seafoodpunch said...

damn you! Now you're back and I have another reason to sit around on my fat ass and procrastinate.

You didnt tell anyone where you went...that's a sign that you're hiding something. Penguin romancing maybe...

Pat said...

Welcome back! And since I am a new follower - I have NO clue what the heck this is all about. Better read some past posts to catch up! LOL!

Rob said...

the vacation did nothing for you. this is the worst post i've ever read on this blog.

FUP has died. A sad day for all.

Rico said...

You shouldn't sniff your own farts in public, Penguin. You said it, those fuck-ing penguins.

ZIRGAR said...

Amen. Fucking little fucking dapper dandies in their high falutin' coats and tails, drinking martinis and talking all posh and shit. Fuck 'em.

Don said...

What? You being nice now!?

Some Guy said...

Anyone who is familiar with a penguin's style of writing can tell that FU Penguin has been taken over by a crafty, possibly brilliant penguin posing as a human.

Lost his edge? Rusty after a month off? No--he's been replaced by an impostor. Christopher is right about one thing, though: if the penguins really are in charge now, this could be the beginning of the end.

For all of us.

WR said...

Okay let's get this straight (I use the term loosely)not having your posts is as close to starvation that I wish to get! Where exactly were the requests for time off? Especially so much T.I.M.E. !!!!

Your legion of fans (not counting Twitter, of course) applaud your return!

frigginloon said...

OK FFS who friggin super glued the penguin? Sure you wanted a friggin vacation, but you didn't have to do that! FU Penguin.

mik said...

OMG, the penguins have gotten to you too??? Penguins have schemed for some time to set up that spread, to bring you over to the dark side . . . Resist them you must!

Noodley said...

I smell a rat... or a Penguin. Think you're SO sneaky, dontcha Penguin? What have you done with Matthew?

hirakendu said...

;)

Sarah said...

Seriously? Dude ...

Jøn Mørgan said...

IMPOSTER!!!! This is NOT Fuck You, Penguin, IT'S A FUCKING PENGUIN!!!!!

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