Thursday, October 22, 2009

Leopard seals think it's cute to senselessly murder


This leopard seal thinks it is so cute that he can lift one flipper up and lean to the side like it's just about to roll its fat ass over. Well, ha. Fucking. Ha. It's so funny to tear penguins apart limb from limb. WHAT DID PENGUINS EVER DO TO YOU, LEOPARD SEAL? Except love you, Leopard Seal. I knew a penguin once (that was definitely not me because I am, as everyone who reads this blog knows, definitely human) that would sit back and say, "you know, a lot of penguins hate the leopard seal. But not me. Because I forgive the leopard seal. I want to understand the leopard seal's desperation, and why it gets to this point in life where it seems like the only option is to eat a penguin."

These are the kinds of complex shades of morality that a simple leopard seal simply cannot understand. So fuck you, Leopard Seal. Next time I see a penguin I am going to give it a big hug, and I recommend everyone reading this blog do the same.

43 comments:

gregoryyy said...

Why can't we all just get along.....?.....

texcat said...

Is this "logic" coming from a penguin (er, real human, I mean) or has Dick Cheney kidnapped this blog?!

verification word: wilitywo.
Appropriate.

Patti B said...

i need to go find a penguin now......

coolingstar9 said...

I hope penguins and leopard seals can get along.
I enjoy this post and feel relaxing,thanks.

Aleutie said...

You shameless fat penguin, free the human creature this moment or else! Noone believes you, noone! You can't use this blog for your penguin-loving propaganda!

Ed said...

Talks with leopard seals without preconditions? It's not Dick Cheney that ill-considered plan reminds me of!

beth said...

So many emotions. People, what are we going to do about this? Let the penguins win? That dirty kidnapping penguin is probably going to post a nasty post about humans next.... but already knows we can't compete with the cuteness.

Fadi said...

Penguins suck, they're not even real birds and they don't have proper hands!! How do male penguins do to get personal "pleasure"?

Graywalker said...

So... we should hug the Penguin BEFORE we eat the Penguin?

Rico said...

The trouble, you usurpist Plogger, is that eating Penguin somehow always seems like fine dining.

Obviously the Leopard Seal wave was ineffective and you've captured one and forced him to pose like a stupid-ass to flaunt your victory. You just wait until the Immortal-Sharks come with their scary matching silver snouts!

Oh, and if a penguin tries to hug me I'm going to give it the "limp arms" or, if pressed, just the one-arm "back pat"

Verification Word: cuncio
(don't even get me started)

Noelle said...

Hey leopard seal, eat that human imposting penguin, will you? I bet he tastes like chicken.

Joey said...

Mark my words you bastard, we will find you!

Just because you have two legs doesn't make you human, asshole. And how the hell are you typing anyway?

frigginloon said...

Hey maybe we should tell the Japanese, penguins taste like whale blubber, that should rid the world of them once and for all. Friggin nasty assed creatures!

Jennifer said...

No way am I hugging a penguin. I would rather tea bag a water buffalo.

Release Matthew or die. Pretty simple option for ya there, Penguin.

Melissa A. Robinson said...

I love this blog.

I don't care who writes it. Cute, not cute, bird, mammal, I don't care.

"I want to understand the leopard seal's desperation, and why it gets to this point in life where it seems like the only option is to eat a penguin."

So happy. I am.

BitOWit said...

Clearly it's Stockholm Syndrome, is there a shrink in the house? STAT!

dm60462 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dm60462 said...

It's not murder; it's Pro-Choice, penguin.

HC said...

Thank you Leopard Seal...

Robert said...

Relax, people... FUP will be freed from his icy cell soon enough. Global warming will be his friend... and the end of Penguin kind as we know it.

tyler said...

We need to stop this.
RELEASE THE BLOGMASTER, NOW!
We won't shoot if you do!

Kris said...

Well, I would believe that a penguin had kiddnapped the blog dude, but it would seem that an actual penguin would know that the seal in that picture is actually a harp seal, not the uglier and scary as balls leopard seal http://oceanitesfeed.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/lep.jpg

Rico said...

A surveillance photo has leaked out showing one of the captors. He is clearly insane and on drugs.

http://www.nafo.int/about/media/oth-news/2006/image/061115-penguin-shoes_big.jpg

Drew B. Dope said...

Maybe the leopard seal is just pissed because he looks like shit and all the gotdamn penguins showed up in tuxedos!

Try to show me up, bitch I'll eat you.

hiphophippie.com said...

That Leopard Seal looks a whole lot more Fat Ass and whole lot less Leopoard.

Jeremy said...

what lovely socks.
I think that seals don't really hate penguins; they're just eating their feelings, and there usually happens to be a penguin or two (or three, depending on what kind of day it's been) nearby. Seals have a bad self-image problem, and the blubber in penguins helps them forget about the blubber on their own bodies, at least for a while.

Glory von Hathor said...

Damn seal thinks he's on MTV cribs.

Borisnelso said...

hahahahaha, cant you just imagine that penguin's stubby little arms trying to type this?

tyler said...

Kris- I doubt a penguin would know, because I doubt the penguin would have spent much time chilling with his predator, eh?
And Rico- that settles it. We've gotta take the shot.

WR said...

Pro-choice Penguin. OMG! It's finally happened ~ "PC,Penguin". Logic tells us that the Leopard Seal must be a Republican!
It all begins to make sense....

Young said...

You idiots. This blog is clearly being written by a microwave oven now. Goodbye forever.

Sarah said...

Duuuuuuude. Seriously. Yer killin' me!

karoaper said...

The sad thing is that the blog has been hijacked by a looser penguin who couldn't even get laid. Otherwise, he'd be too busy regurgitating few morsels of food into his hatchling's throat to be kidnapping tourists. At least we can all revel from the thought of the little shit going to the prom alone and spending all night at the kool-aid stand.

(I like this new twist in FUP, it's revealing the readers who had missed the point of the blog all this time.)

Shilpa.R said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MikFoss said...

So cold, so many doors, where are you damn penguin, I got me some nice seal friends and some sardines, come say hello to my little friend!

Heather Cherry said...

I love the turn this blog has taken. Next thing you know it will be called "FU Human." Humans, so smug. So full of vitriolic spite for penguins. Humans...

Junket said...

This makes me think of that Paul Walker movie where the leopard seal, teeth and all, comes roaring out of the carcass of the dead whale it's eating.

nltisme said...

Peace be upon us y'all.........

Vincent said...

How's that bud ice?
doobie doobie doo...

Pink Love said...

can get along.
Nike Dunk High

rustyoneill said...

Roll over fatty fat fat fat.



...

FAT ASS.
oh i'm sorry, did i hurt your feelings? well, you're hurting society. with your "i'm so effing jovial all the time... hey guys lets have some fun and forget about health issues" attitude. You're not helping anyone with your fatness. and rolling over a couple of times a day doesn't constitute as exercise, bitch. You epitomize the reason why there is hate in the world. dumbass. (that last one was a bit extreme in know, but hey... {no real explanation will be given})

Reanna! said...

yeah, fuck you leapord seal, ripping baby paengins limb from limb is my job god dammit!

Elena said...

nice Seal
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non voice projects