I thought everyone else would be as interested in this story as I was. Who knew penguins were so selfless?
Penguinville, ANTARCTICA - Moments after emerging from his father's fat fold, a baby emperor penguin donated his entire inheritance to human-focused charities. While the money went to a number of different non-profit organizations, the bulk of the money was donated to PETAP (Penguins for the Ethical Treatment of Actual People). "This is a great day for human/penguin relations," said a real person, who was using their fingers to do something complex as they spoke, "we've always known penguins were totally great and didn't at all deserve the negative press they've been getting recently. But it's nice to have it confirmed."
When reached for comment, the baby penguin had only nice things to say about humans. "I think people understand that we can only do so much to avoid being cute in certain circumstances. This is simply just the way we were born. The fact that so many people are thoughtful about our circumstances and try their best to look the other way means a lot to me, and I know it means a lot to my fellow penguins. This is just my way of saying thank you."
This is really a different way of thinking about penguins isn't it? That charity is great, because it is specifically targeted to actual humans like you and me! Now I am going to go put some pants on (one leg at a timing, right guys?!) and put more thought into all this new light that's been shed on the penguin.