Friday, November 20, 2009

Don't even think about trying to sneak by me

I've tried to get around to as many species as possible on this blog, but it's really hard to keep up with all the smart-ass explorers that go into places like volcanos and obscure unexplored mountains and discover, like, seven thousand new species in a day. So to stem the tide, I've put together a post that covers a lot of the really dangerous new species that these Darwin-dick riders have shoved in our faces, just to get them out of the way and move onto the serious problem areas.


Hey buddy, nice head. What, were all the proportional heads taken? I did a little math, and even if I lost one leg, I'd still have 100% more legs than you. So suck on that.


The olive sunbird, huh? Fuck you.


Hey, loser: YOU LIVE IN A FUCKING CRATER. Get a job, free loader.


You think just because you're iridescent, you can get away with being a beetle. You know what else is iridescent? THIS FUCKING SHARK.

Yes, I realize it's a catfish. What the fuck do you know about fish, you're just a stupid beetle. Shut up, asshole.


What's so fucking surprising, shithead? Like you weren't just sitting around waiting to be discovered by humans. DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT CIVILIZATION. I bet your stupid reality show is only going to last until mid-season, anyway, so don't make any big purchases.


Yeah. Do you even need me to say anything? I didn't think so.


I bet you think you fucking invented that pose. Well guess what, fucktard: BIRDS HAVE BEEN USING THAT POSE FOR YEARS. You don't look contemplative, you just look like a Mexican flag with wings. And by the way, "Fruit Dove"? Gayest. Name. Ever.


You know I hate combo animals, Leopard Gecko. Get a more original name, like maybe Uneven Tail Gecko. Did your tail swallow a candy corn? I don't give a shit about your freaky eyes, you're still all elbows and suckage.


Wait a second, this frog and has fangs? And it fucking EATS BIRDS?! Um, we're cool. I think I'm done here. Yeah.

300 comments:

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I love this blog. even the comments are entertaining. lol
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DarkSock said...

I peed in a horse once.

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Hungry.

typolisa@yahoo.co.uk said...

Very funny! And I'm an animal loving and owning vegetarian! Ignore that other guy - he needs to get a sense of humour!!

PS - Leopard Geckos do look like Mr Burns, how did I never notice that? - my mum has one!!!

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That snake is freaking scary.

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Bummed FUP is not posting new insults. I will still wear my shirt with pride.

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Alexandru Nicolae said...

I just found this blog, it's great!

It's also about time someone told off these stupid animals, those damn snakes have been so cocky and arrogant ever since they survived that asteroid that killed the dinosaurs, jerks.

I actually just recently started my own blog about science and technology trends. Come check it out!

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so, is this blog officially dead now? seems the owner went on his book tour and then completely forgot about what made him successful. no new entries for over a year. time to take this off my bookmarks. was fun while it lasted...

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This comment has been removed by the author.
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Mocca and Me said...

What happend to the author? Not a post in over a YEAR! Did he die? Does anyone know?!?!?! too bad there no more posts!!!

Bill Shaw said...

Why'd you stop?

Just wondering. I was a huge fan.

davej said...

this penguin on youtube is annoyingly cute I actually wished it had falled down the hole and died the bastard

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRj6RZ3nFpU

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this penguin on youtube is so annoying.. it thinks its so cute I wished it had fallen down the hole and died the bastard

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Awesome blog, dude. It's about time those adorable little fuckers got told off!

Kevin said...

Thats a Tokay Gecko dumbass. Leopards are smaller, have a different color sceme, are nocturnal, and have the red distinction in the eyes.

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This blog is fucking HILARIOUS. I can't believe it took me so long to find! Loved the post about the Mandrill. *scurries off to repost*

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