Mandrill, I'd like to introduce you to a concept called restraint. Here's how it works: I don't make fun of the fact that you think chewing on a twig is cool, and you refrain from looking like your mom had sex with a box of Fruit Loops and made you. Honestly, of all the ridiculously insane monkeys out there, you have to be the craziest one of all. You're a primate, Mandrill, not a fucking Care Bear.
And as if it wasn't enough that you have a Van Gogh painting on your ass, you just had to get like an all-time amazing shampoo/blow out at the local salon. HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE IN THE WILD. It's so silky and planned, you are way too entirely ready for a night on the town in your rockin' unbuttoned shirt and puka shell necklace. Please stop your misguided search for a mate, wipe that shit off your face, and start eating a banana or something so other monkeys won't talk about you behind your back so much.
47 comments:
Totally disgusting display!
oh, and the bright red pig nose? so last year!
If this isn't a drag queen monkey, then I don't know what is.
Fun fact: the mandrill's face looks like that to mimic the coloring of their genitalia. He is literally a dick face.
Second Fact: the animal under "ridiculously" is an ape, not a monkey.
Tail=monkey No tail=ape
Ohhh hysterical. Absolutely hysterical. The fruit loops part made me laugh out loud. hehehe. van goh?!?! HAHAHA
I don't feel safe going out tonight. Obviously he has a stash of roofies hidden in that hair.
if only i had a picture of that ass...
Your attack on the Clown Monkey makes me sad. How could you insult his rainbow like that, his bold attempt at being upfront about his love, be it for other bold-faced asses or simple country, girl-next-door twigs?
DON'T LISTEN TO FUP, CM!
Not like you have a choice anyway.
I mean, they don't call it a perm for nothin'!
You show restraint for not even mentioning the mohawk or dyed beard, but don't think they went unnoticed, mandrill.
Mandrills are the shallowest of primates: all show and no substance.
omg fup is back, yay!
Contrary to a previous commentor, a mandrill is a big monkey, not an ape.
Poor mandrill for having not so good looks...
Those are some ridiculously insane monkeys.
"Fun fact: the mandrill's face looks like that to mimic the coloring of their genitalia."
So that's why he doesn't mind the question "Why the long face?"
God was making creatures early in history and young Jesus, who was hanging out watchin' Daddy work, asked if he could help. So God said unto his Son, "Sure, why not do some of the monkeys." Jesus asked unto his father "Are there any guidelines?" And God said "Just No Tails."
And so, Jesus went a little crazy with the colours and wasn't very good at staying in the lines (as children are wont to do) thus explaining the fucking gong-show in monkeyland we see before us today.
This also explains a few sea creatures, Boy George, Michael Jackson (too soon?), and Liza Minnelli. It does not, however, explain Barbra Streisand.
On your next vacation, let Rico do your comments. He also knows animals!
So, how was the clown college, huh?
what a jerk!
That's why I never fuck my Froot Loops. It can get ugly!
All time funniest post of all time.
JWM
Kinda of reminds me of Halloween in the Combat Zone (Boston) in the 1960's. But unless CM has had a LOT of work done, I doubt he was there...maybe he's doing retro...
So Ronald McDonald is really a friggin clown monkey ripoff. That's copyright infringement right there. FU Ronald!
Where's all your friends and your tiny car beady eyed clown monkey?
Having looked upon the monkey under "insane" I will now require extensive therapy.
lol. And Mandrills can be such dicks.
A little too much blow dry, dude. Why not get out of the shower and just let it dry. Au naturel.
That Mandrill's too sexey for his shirt. My god what a mess.
Arrogant, self absorbed monkey bastard!
Myself? I think the Mandrils are cool...he looks like the John Wayne Gacy of monkeys...
Dude, like friggin hilarious. Hey, just a random thought, remember Spark Mandrill from Megaman X? Does anyone remember that? lol, how you had to beat Chill PENGUIN to beat him easier? Just so ironic, lol.
Vain jerk. Fabulous, yes--but total attention whore. Get over yourself Mandrill, you magnificent bastard.
Oh, and Ridiculously Insane Monkeys? God made magic mushrooms the same day He made you.
Just so you know.
HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE IN THE WILD.---that made me lol out loud!
What a douchebag.
I was just looking at the World Wildlife Fund catalog and you can adopt one of these assholes for $25.
Mandrill you think you're so cool, but FYI you're a Ronald McDonald fruitloop love child arsehole, so suck on THAT.
What's up did you get kidnapped again?
I hate you FUP. Just announce a fucking hiatus. You are way worse than the animals you pretend to hate. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. I hate you.
:)
How will people afford pets when they have to pay for their pets carbon footprint?
http://twawki.com/2009/12/25/carbon-christmas-and-the-carbon-religion/
Agree with Nicole. What the hell. Thanks for leaving us high and dry! How many months is it gonna be? The book went to your head!!
Never fails to make me laugh at my computer in a creepish fashion.
I laughed so hard that I had to drag my daughter out to read it as well! She said I was crazy, but most teenagers say that about their mom! This is so funny!
Dude. It's 3AM. And I'm awake because of YOU. You and your stupid blog. Fuck you, Fuck You Penguin.
PS the one about the baby rhinos was my favorite. Those things are insane.
Are you EVER going to blog again?
The ONLY time I ever took my Mother to the zoo, one of these guys very proudly displayed his bright pink erection: I was SO embarrassed! They so obviously know that we are looking at them. (So who's smarter??)
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